A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this friend of mine over 20 years ago. The only thing we really had in common was that we were both painfully shy, neither of us really had any friends and we lived in the same neighborhood. We later made friends with another girl and she is really the one who kept "the group" together( this girls is now married with kids and has moved away). Before college I moved in with my bf, who she did not like at the time because he was " from the wrong side of the street" When we bought our first TV and she accused him of stealing it. i stopped talking to her completely. After college I went traveling with my bf and when we returned i found out that her younger sister had just died of breast cancer. I called to offer my sympathy and try to be there for her but i didn't feel close to her anymore and just couldn't get over the wall i had put up between us. This has caused me a lot of guilt and years later when she called me that she had broken up with her bf I could not help but feel obliged to be there for her. And be there for her I was, i was there though all of her brake-ups, all of her paranoias("i noticed my bedroom window was a little open this morning when i woke up, do u think its possible someone could have snuck in and done something to me?" or " i went to California with my dad and we stayed with his friends, do u think someone could've used my toothbrush while i was sleeping and if they did, do u think their guns could have bled and i could get aids?" or " i have lumpy breasts, do u think i will die or cancer like my sister too?" etc....... My ex and i would take her to all the kids movies she wanted to see( i would suggest seeing a normal adolescent movie and she would choose a cartoon and guess what we ended up seeing even though my ex and i were the ones paying.., we would go to restaurants with her as she would suggest and also pay for her because a) she never offered to pay and b) we felt bad for her. 10 years ago i was in a car accident that left me in a coma but i came out of it after a while. when i came home my ex hired a cook because i was in a wheelchair and couldn't do anything and he had no idea how to cook or multitask. the cook was pretty good and surely she soon got herself invited over for dinner pretty often My relationship with my ex started to deteriorate and it was still about her when we would talk. The first time he told me he was thinking of leaving me( we were married) i called her and she was saying how SHE couldn't get over her ex and was thinking of doing something drastic, I told her not to do anything crazy and i would be there fast. I told my ex to get up and that we had to go to her now and he( thankful for the distraction )got up and got in the car and we bought her flowers and cheered her up. Soon my ex and i broke up and then divorced and she still wasn't there for me but it was still all about her." I WANT TO GET MARRIED...........WHEN DO YOU THINK I WILL GET MARRIED.....YOU PROMISE?......REALLY? YOU REALLY THINK SO?"........Two years ago she met a man online( a devout Christian, 36 yr old and virgin, saving himself for the woman he was going to marry)and she seduced him into sleeping with her and obviously the man proposed 2 months later and they were married 4 months after that. She lives super far away from the city now and we don't even talk on the phone anymore because it is long distance and i am broke since i live on disability and i think her husband must be cheap. We are however fb friends but don't interact at all. she acts like she doesn't even know me and i follow suit since i am hurt and a bit resentful i must admit. Last year i went to Mexico with my mom and when i returned i put up a couple of pictures on fb like everybody else. she pretended like she didn't see them....no comments, no like..lol but a few months later i noticed that she too had just returned from the exact same place with her husband! This summer, my mom decided to take me to Alaska with her and again when i returned i put up some pics and again she acted indifferent....no comments...nothing but just a couple of days ago i noticed that she too had just returned from a trip to Alaska with her mom,lol and put up some pics. I know imitation is the biggest form of flattery but isn't it kind of creepy to just watch what someone else is doing, have no interaction with that person and then copy them? its like if we were in HS she would be the girl who doesn't want to be seen talking to me but buys the same clothes she sees me wearing at school? why does she do that? why does she act like this to me?? THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!
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breasts, broke up, cheap, christian, divorce, flowers, her ex, long distance, moved in, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (25 August 2012):
 I don't think I would call her a friend. I think she is utterly and completely jealous of you. She's a snob (boyfriend comment), jumps to conclusions (the television), overly needy (the window), she expects others to look out for her (countless occasions), self-centered (the movies). Mean (not paying her share), expects more than she gives (several occasions) a User and a taker (multiple occasion). For whatever reason she will never be satisfied with her life. She is a sad and pathetic excuse for a person but she sure as sure can be is not your friend. I think you must be kinder, smarter, more likeable and more capable than her. And for that reason she can never forgive you. She thinks by copying you that she is presenting as more like you But it is not flattering behaviour on her part. It is instead extremely insecure and never satisfied, no matter what behaviour. Based on all you have related you have done more than enough for this woman. It is time to close the door on her. She only cares about herself. She is NOT A TRUE FRIEND And she can never be you but she will keep on trying as the jealousy and envy genes burn brightly within her. Sadly I think she would have troubles staying friends with anyone. Most people would have given up on her some years ago
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