A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The realization that I'm in my mid twenties and have never had a girlfriend or even so much as dated anyone is really starting to scare me. I've never been in a relationship with anyone. I can't even say that I'd know how to date someone should the chance ever arise. Most girls in my age group have been dating for the past ten years. Ten years of experience compared to my zero. I don't know what to think anymore. It's as if girls can sense my inexperience and avoid me. Is past experience really a must have for girls? If so, how can I be expected to get it if no one I meet is willing to give me a chance?My opportunities to meet girls seem few and far between, which doesn't help my situation either. I'm not into the bar or club scene and there aren't really any of those around where I am anyway. I'm stuck in a rut right now and don't know where I'm supposed to be meeting people. A few of my friends have mentioned introducing me to people they know in the past, but never have.It's torturous to be around my friends and their significant others, most of whom are starting to get married, or listen to them talk about their relationships. I know they don't mean for it to be this way, but it just reminds me of what I can't seem to find. I feel like I've been left behind in the dust. I feel I'm missing out and I'm tired of being alone.I'm really starting to question my self worth. Not trying to be judgmental here, but I see people with a lot less going for them than I do, yet they have found that someone special. I, on the other hand, have no one.No one who wants to be with someone stays alone forever...right? Honestly I can't say that I believe that anymore. And even if it is true that I'll "eventually" meet someone, that doesn't stop me from feeling so lonely now.
View related questions:
never had a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): I'm sorry to hear about your situation and sympathize with you. My boyfriend was just like you, actually, until we met last fall in a class. I am his first girlfriend and he's only my third boyfriend. He had some trust issues with girls and is just now telling me stories (we've been together 7 months) about how lonely and depressed he was beforehand. Please don't question your worth, you ARE a worthy person and will find the girl for you. Dating is not fun when you force yourself to do things; it's when you relax and let go of insecurities that everything feels natural. It's natural to compare yourself to others and their relationship experiences, but you will feel so much better when you stop. Since you are frustrated and tired of this situation, contact your friends and have them set up a few blind dates. If they don't work out at least you will have some experiences to build on.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Do you have problems with intimacy? How close as your to your friends?
There really aren't any real reasons for why someone can't find love, in close to all cases it is the person themselves standing in their own way.
Don't excuse this on not knowing girls, the girls you know are not available, you never meet anyone etc etc etc. All excuses. You've met plenty of girls in your lifetime so far. But why did you not reach out?
You need to put yourself out there, go out of your comfort zone, and dare try new things. Such as being intimate. Such as risking to fall in love, and get close to another human being.
How do you deal with human relations in other areas of your life? Are you passionate about anything? Are you close to yours friends? Do you touch people, not inappropriately of course, but hugs, kisses, a friendly pat on the back, things like this? Do you dare to be yourself around people?
If you're already struggling with low self esteem, this could definitely be what is standing in your way of seeing all the options you have. Someone who doesn't believe in themselves will never see opportunity to shine, only impossible obstacles (such as when you list up all the difficulties of finding a woman).
Be positive, and work on your self worth, then open your eyes to the opportunities you are given, and be brave enough to dare go for it. Step out of your comfort zone, take the risk.
...............................
A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 hey there:)
i do know how you feel..i'm a little younger but fight with loneliness daily...it's horrible when you just never got the chance and you just feel like everyone would avoid you for not having past experience..all i had was 2 major long distance (online) relationships but never met them...it's more than nothing..but honestly never even had my first kiss which makes me feel like i practically have no experience..
maybe it's me because i know how this is, but i wouldn't care much if a guy had no experience ( doesn't matter the age) as long as he is nice and caring:) i do believe experience has nothing to do with what kind of a person the other one is..and also every relationship is different so it's a fun new experience always
it's hard to meet people if you're not really into the bar/ pub/ partying scene ( i'm the same so i know:P) but everyone keeps saying there are a lot of other opportunities to meet new people and socialise... like starting a new hobby, going to gym or practicing some sports, at museums, theatres or libraries..well it doesn't really work that easily..
what i got as an advice and liked was starting a chat at a library or bookshop or music store ..like if you see a girl who is holding a book. album you like/ read just go say hi and tell her your opinion about it :)
volunteering is a nice way to meet people again if there is a chance for you to do any where you live :)
keep your chin up, i wish you the best of luck :) hugs
...............................
A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I'm 29 and still lonely, having never dated anyone. I'll watch your question for the answers you get. All I can do as a fellow who understands the pain you are going through is pray that you find your soulmate very very soon because it's the worst thing to be lonely amd pining for true love.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Hmm..interesting. You sound so much like someone I know, whom is also a male. Very similar situation minus some details. Interesting indeed. This is what I think... I understand the loneliness but just handle your business first and all that will come later. When you doing things, it's noticed eventually. Women like men who are handling business making it. However, not that you aren't doing anything with your life...just a thought.
...............................
|
