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female
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anonymous
writes:OK this is kinda hard to explain... I'm in my 30's and STILL a virgin. This is very embarrassing! and I have to make sure anyone I know never finds out ever! I have had boyfriends but it never goes further than kissing before I then freeze or make an excuse to not do it. I have to push them away or dump them so they don't find out.The thought of the pain, (any kind of penetration hurts) bleeding or being trapped under that person (if I ever get that far) makes me wanna run in the opposite direction for miles! but on the other hand I wanna be normal like the rest of you cos I'm sick of pretending to be a woman of the world. I've been with my current bf nearly 6 months, he's understanding and caring blah blah .. but I've already lied to him saying " I don't have sex cos I don't enjoy it" You see the problem is at my age I'm NOT expected to be a friggin virgin!! At this rate I may as well become a nun :( what do I do? I'm more annoyed and frustrated than anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): you know i am very proud to hear you say that. being a virgin at 30 doesn't make you any less of a woman. it actually makes you more of a woman. i wish i was a virgin at my age. i admire you for that. wait until your ready don't rush it. it will be alot more pleasurable if you are actually ready and not forced into it. and if your b/f understands then he is a good one you better hold on to him.
A
female
reader, Miss Karma Louise +, writes (9 April 2009):
hey now thats a thought becoming a nun??
Nahh just kidding.
so what your 30 and a virgin!! who cares.
not evrybodys expected to enjoy that kinda stuff.
i would suggest having a chat with a real close freind.
or maybe your boyfreind. he seems like he'd understand.
and rumour is that men dig virgins...like us women like nice big mussels its a big turn on for them.
or just give it a go...its not all its made out to be.
good luck
karma xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Hey im a 47 yr old man and never had sex or a girlfriend or even kissed a girl...im just pig ugly but i accept this now
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009):
At your age, it's not something to feel some kind of great shame about. It's really not. (Come on, are you still a virgin today because you've never found a guy willing to sleep with you?) Virginity is only ever uncool when it's involuntary.
And I think that's your problem. I think maybe you've begun to equate sex as something too glamorous that you're not worthy of. You're punishing yourself by denying yourself of sex. A lot of women have too much sex because they lack self-esteem, but I think maybe you're doing the opposite.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): hey guys thank you for giving me your honest advice.Ive done some stuff just nothing penetrative. I cant tell anyone, I darent go see anyone about it, so Im feeling pretty sad knowing that Ill never be able to get close to anyone
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female
reader, charron  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 You do not need to rush anything...wait util your 1000% sure..
Well done
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (5 February 2009):
 I am not sure how far you have gone so to speak. The journey towards actually having steps would need time at each base, doing everything but first. That way you get used to the idea as full sex is only a step away from being fingered etc. Fiona
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): It does sound like you might need a little therapy to figure out why you are afraid. Also you could ask your gynecologist if your hymen would be particularly painful to break or stretch depending on what kind you have. You could just say you hate pain. If you've been using tampons surely it would be somewhat stretched already. If it seems like a tough one you could get it removed surgically. Either way you don't have to worry about too much pain. You should get a book on various sexual positions to see what you might like. I would think it would be really fun (and free) to do it in about five feet or so of water. I never got to live my dream of having sex in the water. My husband was not that interested and we lived most of our married life in Alaska. Sigh. Anyway, that way you're a completely free agent.
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male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (4 February 2009):
Something else to consider ... if your concern is the losing control to a situation/person, you might try the following (when the time is right).With him on his back (and thus passive), you can climb on top of him and play around with him. If you aren't comfortable being looked at naked, you can do this with the lights off. You are the one in control, and you set the pace of any activity. And if you feel comfortable for penetration, you can dictate that as well. Heck, tie him to the bed if you need to, to keep him still.Also, most women respond more strongly to oral sex / clitoral stimulation than to intercourse. This relaxes (and lubricates) the body, making you more physically and psychologically ready for intercourse.Maybe a combination of those would make you less likely to fear eventual intercourse. I would also recommend masturbation, so you can get comfortable with the sexual response of your own body without the distraction and pressure of another person. (Like learning to drive by starting in a parking lot.)Good luck, and don't worry about being a virgin. It's all very natural once you get into it, though a caring companion makes the initial roadbumps easier to handle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Have you considered professional help? Believe me, once you "do it" the pleasure will be more memorable than the pain! If it was so bad, why would everyone enjoy it so much??? It sounds to me that you have a "phobia" about it and need to sort it all out with a therapist. Some where along the line you have been misinformed or have developed these fears. You need a professional to help you sort it all out. Of course, I would suggest a woman, so you feel comfortable enough to be honest and open. I had three female relatives who never married and never had sex, they're all gone now and even though they lived fairly long and somewhat normal lives, I grieve for the fact that they never found true love and intimacy.
I urge you to get some help!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 First of all its ok, its not a big deal! in fact i have more respect for you then i do for someone who has "experimented" around.
I understand why you lied and although its not the honest thing to do now you have to deal with it.
If you are relaxed, in the mood(mentally and physically)sex should be pleasurable not painful. you will not be trapped under a person, he is not a beached wale that just collapses on you, if he has 2 arms he should use them to hold himself up! other positions can be explored as well but perhaps not the first time. a good idea would be to maybe sleep together naked first without intercourse so you can just get used to each other's bodies them you could tell him that you would appreciate some guidance as "you have not been with too many people and don't feel very confident with "things"
Good luck hun! it will be great...just make sure you are ready and relaxed:)
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