A
female
age
51-59,
*luvlou
writes:Dear CupidMy 3rd cousin n i were in love, but we never had anything. the family notice we had feelings for each other. He's was forbidden to be with me. We grow apart. we older now n and just got in contact. We still in love. Is it okay to be with him.
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male
reader, Linton +, writes (10 August 2011):
Good question. Important issue. First a minority view. There was an article, I think in Nature magazine entitled "An advantage of promescuity." What they found was that primates (lemurs, monkeys, apes, humans) come with two social norms. Some are very faithful while some are promiscuous. The promiscuous ones have very strong immune systems, the faithful have weak ones, and that includes humans. The title suggests that this shows an advantage of promescuity. That is ironic. It's obvously better from a biological standpoint not to need a stong one. At all events the lesson for humans is: nature expects you to mate for life. So I will go with biology and say "marry" where one might say, "Have sex with."
I do not give advice; I've made far too manny mistakes to take myself seriously. Nor do I judge; I've seen far too much bad stuff. That said, there was a study done in Iceland. (An Association Between Kinship And Fertility of Human Couples. Agnar Heigason, Snaebjoern Palsson, Daniel F. Guobjartsson, Pordur Kristjansson and Karl Stefanson, SCIENCE vol 329 8 February 2008 page 813) You can buy it by going to ScienceMag. They had a slightly different way of rating degree of kinship, but using their method they found that a couple will have a maximum number of children if they are second cousins or closer. However there is a catch. That does not produce the maximum number of grandchildren. Maximum grandchildren are produced if third cousin or closer or fourth cousin or closer marry. Keep me honest, but that seems to me to say that third cousin or closer is ideal. And closer OR ANY LESS CLOSE and you will have fewer grandchildren. By the time kinship is out to fifth or sixth cousin you can expect to have fewer than two. It then levels off so that marrying a tenth cousin is tantamount to marrying somebody from the far side of the world; the penalty is the same.
There are any number of things you might consider marrying, but biologically speaking if it is not a human of the opposite sex you are accomplishing nothing. You will find there are people who are hostile to marrying third cousins, but the biology is clear. Failing to marry a cousin reduces your chance of children and the chance your children will have children. THIRD COUSIN MARRIAGES ARE IDEAL IN TERMS OF BIOLOGY.
I rant on at length on my web site nobabies.net. But the bottom line is clear. Society has sold us a bill of goods. Marrying strangers, again I mean this from a biological perspective, reduces fertilty. Do you know somebody who is haveing trouble having children? There are many possible causes, but mate choice is the big one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): 3rd cousins are not all that close. My parents are 3rd cousins, and where I grew up you can easily be 3rd-6th cousins with just about everybody.
Now, if you belong to a close knit community, where their are known genetic issues that are recessive, then you need to consult a geneticist before you get into having kids or marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): I have no inclination to judge you, I do feel however that you are going in a negative direction by pursuing your emotions over a family member. Infatuation does not last or turn into something 'beautiful' it seems to me that you are infatuated with the idea of things and get on well.
That does not mean that you are good romantic partners for life or marriage. Try and see a few people and imagine life with dates and getting to know others before doing something that you could regret one day. At least if you try this you can come back to the situation with more honesty and experience up your sleeve to make a good and well informed decision. All the best.
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A
female
reader, jluvlou +, writes (16 June 2011):
jluvlou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear reader. I feel that him n I need to pick up were we left off and perhaps close this chapter or reopen it to something more beautiful. When we were young they would come over my house. I lived in a big house because I come from a family of 7 sisters n 2 bothers all the occasions was held in my parents home. Lou had a brother n 2 sisters, Lou would brother me n chase me a lot. I always throw rocks at him...lol...I gave him scars. To his forehead. I remember I told I was sorry he said it okay because of that rock I'm more in love with u. As crazy at it may sound I want u to be my wife.
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A
female
reader, jluvlou +, writes (16 June 2011):
jluvlou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u readers for ur support I feel better. We 2 hours away we might meet up this Tuesday...I'm so nervious.I still love him. I call it the silent forbidden love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): No, I really feel it will cause too much pain and issues in both your lifes, so it would not be worth the pain an agony. Perhaps you could look at why you do not have the commitment or even confidence to look at finding someone that is your soulmate outside your family. do you not believe it is possible, the feelings you might be experiencing for your cousin are probably because your family made a big deal out of it and you never got to leave them behind, it's kind of normal to experience some minor feelings towards cousins but then your brain should click in and you start thinking of them as a brother. :)
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 The general answer to that is legally yes but my most peoples morals no. It may cause problems in the family but there is actually nothing stopping you two from being together.
In my opinion you should get together if it makes you two happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): yeah sure, it is not illegal to marry your first cousin so it sure as hell isn't illegal to marry your third and so what, what other people say if you are both really in love you wouldn't let anything or anyone stop you :)
-good luck
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (15 June 2011):
 As far as I am concerned I think it is fine for the two of you to be together. 3rd cousins is pretty genetically different. The more important question is, do you think its okay to be with him?
As long as its legal where you are (and I don't think there are any laws against 3rd cousin love) then how you two feel is all that matters.
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