A
female
age
36-40,
*eina
writes:Okay, so i started talking to this guy online roughly two years ago. He sent me a message, I replied, and then we started talking on instant messenger very frequently. We really clicked. (I was 18 when we first began talking. He was 23. Turns out, we lived (and still do) 20 minutes away from each other.) After a few weeks of just innocent online chatting, we decided to move forward to phone conversations. Once we began talking on the phone, we pretty much had the phone glued to our ears a lot of the day... everyday. Months go by, we still talk on the phone everday. We begin to develop feelings for one another. Around 3 or 4 months into us talking, I told him that I really liked him and wanted to hang out. He told me that the feelings were mutual. Two years later, I really care for this guy dearly. I really do think he is a good person at heart; however, we still have yet to meet..... Out of respect I have not just gone to his house, because I mean now, we practically know everything about each other. All this time he's been putting off us hanging out. He says "soon" sometimes when I ask, and then when "soon" passes by he gives excuse after excuse for why we couldn't hang out. When I bring it up, he gets mad. Yet, he tells me how much he loves me, views me as his girl friend, and wants to marry me some day. Lately, I've been asking myself why I keep talking to him. I can logically say why I should definitely stop talking to him if I can't handle this twisted "phone thing" but emotionally, I have trouble bringing myself to ending this very odd 'relationship'. I think I love him, but then I have to ask myself, how I can love someone who i've never seen in person and wont even drive 20 minutes down the street to see me. What the hell is going on here? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): It hardly matters whats going on when whats not going on is the point. He has something he is hiding. Married, not physically who he said he was....
He has major issues, normal guys do not do this they go after women they want.
If you don't have issues yourself prove it and move move on.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (23 August 2007):
 So you're going to waste a bit more time? or a lot more rather?
This guy doesnt want a 'real' relationship. Hes enjoying the non commitment thing thats going on here. No responsibility. Thats all net relationships are. No disrepect to the other aunt but i used to use msn chat rooms many moons ago, they were american & people from the Uk 'in love' with people they had never met in the USA. People sell themselves short. Usually they have been hurt in the past, and net relationships that take little effort are much more appealing. There is no reason if you are only 20 minutes apart or 20 miles, for not meeting up long ago, apart from those reasons i mentioned unfortunately.
You are still young, chalk it up as experience & go out & meet someone in the real world. You are better off with a real relationship, and when you have it, you will wonder what you were doing.
Let him find another net girl, you deserve the real deal.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Reina +, writes (23 August 2007):
Reina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoth of your responses make so much sense--and this is a real situation. My mother thinks the whole thing is ludicrous. But, I have seen maybe 30 pictures of him and a few videos, so i know he's not some 65 yr old dude or married or whatever. I guess I understand that this is going nowhere, I think I'm just not as willing to end this because I feel as though I've wasted so much of my precious time on... pretty much nothing. :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): Dear Reina,I don't know how much my answer might be of help to you, but i just felt like writing it cause we share a similar problem. I've been in a similar "odd" relationship as you called it for 4 months now, but the only difference is that my boyfriend and I live and work in different countries. He is very serious about me. He can't go to sleep without hearing my voice and telling me how much he loves me. He has even told his parents and friends about me. He always includes me in his future plans, but everytime i ask him to meet, he gets mad telling me that he can't wait to see me, but the timing is not right and my country is a troubled one, so it's better if we wait. Honestly, I can't wait anymore. I really want and need to see him, but i don't know what to do. I can't blame him coz he's stuck to. He promised that he will try to come in September, but i have a feeling that he won't.I can't understand how you were able to tolerate this for two years, especially that you live in the same country. I can't find any excuse for your bf not hanging out with you. Could it be that he doesn't feel comfortable with the way he looks? i'm sure that he has sent u pics, but can't it be that those aren't his? I don't know, this might sound illogical to you, but i'm just trying to find reasons coz what he's doing to you is really unfair. Wish you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): Is this a real question....it is pretty hard to believe that you talk to someone 20 mins away whom you feel close and feel is a good person and like SO MUCH that you accept his excuses and overlook one extremely important detail, this relationship is not real if it does not exist in the physical world.
This guy is either married or a creepy 65 year old guy pretending to be someone else to talk to a very young girl....your instincts are finally clicking in, listen to the red flags waving brightly in front of your face, this is more than odd, it is time to stop wasting emotional energy on a dead end affair, time to get off the pott and move on to real life with friends and family and worry about the boys later....you have plenty of time for that.
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