A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Omg... I'm in a big dilemma, so I fell in love with my first cousin. Yes I know it sounds nasty but it really isnt. I never knew who he was. I knew he existed somewhere in the map but we were never brought up together. One summer he came to visit my family we started spending time and right away we felt some attraction going on for eachother. He confess to me that he liked me too. I dont know what to do? Im scared to start a relationship with him and of the consequences. Is it wrong?? Im scared of what people and family are gonna say. Please help I need honest answers.
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female
reader, Tylersgirl forever +, writes (15 June 2011):
 Im dating my cousin i couldnt be more happier hes everything to me were practically married we've had sex and all that , we love each other, your feelings for your cousin are normal
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): I know exactly what you are going through. I fell in love with my first cousin. We had never seen each other and lived at polar endes. Me in England her in New Zealand. When we met we fell in love. We discussed everything, marriage, kids, where we would live etc etc. In the end she elected to tell her parents. She realised her parents were more important than me. She walked away. I was heartbroken and still am. She moved on and has children. I dont talk to her anymore. However I relaised to the hurt my mother felt knowing I would end up with her sisters daughter. I dont know how you feel but family will always come up. If you can walk away from it. When you look at the ramisications, on family, the chance of disabled children and stigma. Although having said that I would have died for her but she acted with her head, not heart. Maybe there is a lesson for us all in that. I do not speak to her and am glad she lives at the other side of the world. It would kill me if she was on the same continent as me. I to this day havent got over her, and never will. But there is closure in when she had a child with her ex boyfriend. I know its a hit an miss answer. But do be aware that someone somehere knows exaclty the dilema you are going through.
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male
reader, kingtidus390 +, writes (13 October 2010):
Well first of all most risks of diseases are fairly rare between first cousins. For example cystic fibrosis is one the most common genetic diseases. The frequency is 1/2500 live births. The chances that two unrelated persons are both carriers is about 1/625.
But what happens if they are related to each other? Consider the following: A parent transmits to their offspring one of the two copies they have of each gene. If one of the parents is a carrier, then the chances are 1/2 that their children will also be carriers.
Given that cystic fibrosis is a relatively common genetic disease, it works out that the chances that two siblings will both be carriers of cystic fibrosis is 1/50, as compared to 1/625 for two unrelated persons. For first cousins, the risk is 1/200 and for second cousins, the risk is the same as if they were unrelated. So 1 in 200 is still up there in odds, yes it's quite a bit more frequent but it's not as bad as brothers and sisters marrying.
It's probably a good thing that my twin sister never survived birth. To this day I have visions/dreams of how beautiful she would be if she were alive. I've never met her, but I must say that if she were alive, I would be hopelessly in love with her.
As for cousins, I'm in love with my first cousin Heather, the way we were raised together, we were practically brother and sister. She was better than a best friend, she knew what I've been through. I think one of our parents knew how close we had become and I think they wanted to discourage it. She is still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and her and I are only a year and a half apart. If her and I were ever to have kids, we would have super model looking kids.
There is a reason why relationships between cousins used to be popular way back when. If two parents are cousins there is a higher likely hood that desirable traits in both parents will surface in their child.
So basically if two very good looking and very smart cousins were to have a child, not only will the child be very very good looking, but that child will also have a very high Intelligence Quotient or IQ.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): I really appreciate everyone's comments on this issue! I'm going through the same thing. My cousin and I never new each other. He is 12 years older than I am, so of course our paths really never crossed. I am really having a hard time with this issue. We are way too old to worry about children, other than our grown children but there seems to be something to worry about all of the time. We are best friends and have a great time together but I just seem to always worry.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I have just read this, and I to have this dilemma, the only difference is I haven't told her how I feel, not even a hint I'm too scared too tell her. She contacted me on the internet about 9 months ago and since then we have been in contact, I have met her since she contacted me, all this did was too cement how I felt, it was the way she looked at me when I met her I know that sounds strange but that's just me, we text each other sometimes 20 or 30 times a day but I've tried to stop this as I don't know how she feels and I don't want to misread what she says when she texts, you can't help who you fall for, the family don't know and I suppose that is a good thing as nobody can be hurt. I just needed to say what was on my mind and get some advice.
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male
reader, justincredible8 +, writes (7 November 2009):
so check this out. i know this message is long past your initial statement but i had read this online and wanted to place my input. i as well have fallen for my first cousin since she and i were like 18. we are now in mid 20s and still feel the same of one another. to makes things more challenging, we have already visited one another on occasion and have slept with one another many times. also, to this day we have online webcam chats where i live in florida and she in new york. we still dont feel any different other than the worry from others. you are not alone.
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male
reader, justincredible8 +, writes (7 November 2009):
so check this out. i know this message is long past your initial statement but i had read this online and wanted to place my input. i as well have fallen for my first cousin since she and i were like 18. we are now in mid 20s and still feel the same about one another. to makes things more challenging, we have already visited one another on occasion and have slept with one another many times. also, to this day we have online webcam chats where i live in florida and she in new york. we still dont feel any different other than the worry from others. you are not alone.
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female
reader, lonely forever  +, writes (14 June 2009):
you know ever since i was a little girl up until this time...like you i truly love my first cousin.for me he's like a love that i cannot reach...it was 8 years ago that we became lovers..he's married and i'm happily married w/ a good guy,but still why can't i forget him.I hope i will because it is unfair for my husband,for my family,parents.but yesterday after 5 yrs.i saw him again and texted me that he still miss me.i decided the right thing i never texted him back not because i don't like him..nor don't love him.because i know deep inside that we will repeat the process that we've done wrong...i will try to forget him as my love and remember him as my cousin..that's the right thing to do....i hope you also do the right thing..it hurts at first...but eventually i know it will really make both of you HAPPY.
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male
reader, ej32 +, writes (26 May 2009):
follow your heart
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male
reader, ej32 +, writes (26 May 2009):
well we both have the same situation here my friend im in love with my cousin too by the way my name is edward and the advice i can give you is just follow your heart what it tells you if u really like him then go for it ignore other people thinks they dont control ur life ok bye:)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): i have been in love with my first cousin nearly all my life. even thow i dint see him for years and years. when i was a child i loved him so much and i dint see him from bout he age of 10 - 28. we met up recently and had sex the same day. and av bin doing regulary as he onl livs 5 miles away. now we are in love but he is married. has been a long time and we just wish we could be together.it is like torture. we both dint no that we had liked each other all our lives until we met recently. it is very heart breaking and sad that we mist out on all those years he woz alwyz in my thoughts and wen i heard he got married years ago it made me very sad cos i fought oh he does not like me then. i dint realise that he was thinking about me all those years and he dint no that i woz thinking bout him-i love him and dont want to lose him - i want to be wiv him but he got young children an can not jus leave like that. it is hell belive me don no wot we r gonna do for the best.we both no we r ment to b together an we cant live with out each other
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): i am with my first cousin.we're both in love and i know that he is meant for me.few people knew about the state i am into. mind u it is not easythey always tell me that it will ot succeed. we're right now on our 10 year and we're still going steady. ur lucky since in the USA of a they do allow that kind ofrealtionship but in the country i am into it is a taboo. i lov hi and ready to fight for it. if u r ready to fight go on. nothing is wrong as long as u r hapi.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): My cousin and i just confessed that we love each other two days ago. And it's been the best two days of my life. I know i was ment to be with him. yes there will be people that think it's weird but as long as YOU are happy and HE is happy, nothing else matters. He told me that even if his parents and the rest of the famliy dis own us he will never let us go. So go for it. Trust me it's worth it.
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male
reader, anonymous_F  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Hy there!First and most important i have to tell you that it is NOT wrong to be in love with your cousin.Yes,it might sound odd for other people,but they are wrong!YOU CAN NOT DECIDE who you fall in love with.Plus,if he loves you too,than it is OK.NOTHING should stand between you and a beautiful relationship!!I say GO FOR IT!At least,you have a choice! I don't know if this thing interests you or not,but i am in love with my cousin too but unfortunately she doesn't love me.But i really tought she did.But i was wrong...All those things we've done,all those things she said,i really tought there was something betweeen us.But now,she has a boyfriend and doesn't really want to see me anymore.I SOOOOO wish i was in your situation,where the decision is in my hands... best of luck to you!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): If you guys love each other and are happy with what you guys have or planning on having just let it be. There's always going be people gossiping about you guys. If the people that say that they love you and care for you should understand and not judge you guys.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): If you guys love and our happy with what you guys have or planning on having just let it be. There's always going be people gossiping about you guys. If the people that say that they love you and care for you should understand and not judge you guys.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): You need to let it go. There's a lot of guys out there. This will affect you alot in life. You will never be happy having all your family and people gossiping about you. People tend to say ignore what people say. But an honest answer it matters a lot. Just talk to him and Im sure you guys will ended in good terms. Remember after all you want a healthy life.
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male
reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (5 January 2009):
 Is it wrong?? Im scared of what people and family are gonna say. Please help I need honest answers.
Since you are in the U.S. of A, I have to qualify my answer. In my country cousin marraiges are not permitted. In the US, it depends on what state you are in. First cousin relationships are not allowed in some states, while others permit. Different states, different state laws.
Alabama: First cousins, yes.
Alaska: First cousins, yes.
Arizona: First cousins, yes, only if they are over a certain age or cannot bear children. Half cousins, yes.
Arkansas: No
California: First cousins, yes.
Colorado: First cousins, yes.
Connecticut: First cousins, yes.
Delaware: No
District of Columbia: First cousins, yes.
Florida: First cousins, yes.
Georgia: First cousins, yes.
Hawaii: First cousins, yes.
Idaho: No
Illinois: First cousins, yes, only if they are over a certain age or cannot bear children.
Indiana: First cousins once removed, yes, only if they are over a certain age or cannot bear children.
Iowa: No
Kansas: Half cousins, yes.
Kentucky: No
Louisiana: Marriage between first cousins is not allowed.
Maine: First cousins, yes, only if they are over a certain age or cannot bear children, or if they get genetic counseling.
Maryland: First cousins, yes.
Massachusetts: First cousins, yes.
Michigan: No
Minnesota: No, unless aboriginal culture of the couple permits cousin marriages.
Mississippi: Adopted cousins, yes.
Missouri: No
Montana: Half cousins, yes.
Nebraska: Half cousins, yes.
Nevada: Half cousins, yes.
New Hampshire: No
New Jersey: First cousins, yes.
New Mexico: First cousins, yes.
New York: First cousins, yes.
North Carolina: First cousins, yes. Double first cousins are not allowed to get married.
North Dakota: No
Ohio: No
Oklahoma: Half cousins, yes.
Oregon: Adopted cousins, yes.
Pennsylvania: No
Rhode Island: First cousins, yes.
South Carolina: First cousins, yes.
South Dakota: No
Tennessee: First cousins, yes.
Texas: No.
Utah: First cousins, yes, only if they are over a certain age or cannot bear children.
Vermont: First cousins, yes.
Virginia: First cousins, yes.
Washington: No
West Virginia: Adopted cousins, yes.
Wisconsin: First cousins once removed, yes, only if they are over a certain age or cannot bear children.
Wyoming: No
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A
female
reader, S - soadlover :-)  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 althou u were brought up apart ur still blood related
if u think about it u share grandparents, ur parents r brother n sister (etc)
thts way to close to comfort besides the fact its illeagel (not sure on US laws but it must be??)
theres way more guys out there, ur family's not gunna like it, its a deffo no go, this might hurt to hear if u truely feel the way u say but u gotta remove urself from the situation right away before things get nasty - believe me theres noway u'd live happily ever after with ur cousin
try n occupy urself with other things, another guy?
just talk to ur cousin and explain that nothing can come of ur feelings for each other
hope things get sorted x
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (3 January 2009):
have the same feelings like what you are feeling right now. I have a 2nd cousin, 39 y.o., she had a hysterectomy a few years back and she is a bomb shell.
Heck with her hysterectomy, we can have sex 7/24 and there will be no worries of any in-bred birth defects. But this reason is not justifiable.
Biblical verses justifying family marriages between Israelites, as ordered by God to keep Israel pure, is not enough for you to have sex with a relative. It belongs solely to the Israelites, and not even true for the Israelis. Therefore, such could not be a sound basis "for doing" your cousin.
My cousin and I go out frequently, we have some fun and I even slept over at her place, a few times, very remote from everyone. We sleep in the same room, she is on the bed and I slept on a mat beside her bed. With the lights out, we could have made the nights longer. But being alone with her with her physical attractiveness is not a license for me "to make love" to her.
I like her very much. No, I love her very much. But everything is platonic and sexless. Not that I wouldn't like to have sex with her. Definitely, I would and it would be fetishly erotic, wouldn't it? But I mustn't.
But of course, we have to have our sensibilities straight. To hell with the law about incest lets go to the present day norms observed. Love has no bounderies but norms sets limits. Norms are observed by rational people and that separates us from the animals.
Sex for animals is for propagation of its species. Sex for us, humans, is to express love and lust but the expression must conform with the existing norms. A norm simply ask the question - is it normal?
I suffer because I have to follow a norm. It is better to suffer the pains of non expression of love than to agonize over the consequences of what a forbidden love might bring. I love my cousin more than any person I have previously known. But to have sex with her, guilt will follow - maybe it will not be mine, maybe it will be hers.
Sex is inferior than love. You can love a person and feel good all the time, afterwards, which is untrue with sex with a cousin.
If both of you (you and your cousin) are ready to suffer any unforseen and known consequences - like gossips within your community, birth defects because of inbreeding, conflict between family members because of the acts - go ahead. Love is free. Love is after all, something the angels fear to thread.
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