A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a married woman for about a year and a half now. We both love each other very much. I don't think love is our trouble. We are Best Friends and would do almost anything for each other. I want this lady to leave her husband but he is 12 years older then her and now has a medical problem. Everyone in her family things the world of this man. He is known as Mr. Wonderful to everyone. However, without a question, she doesn't love him. They live like brother and sister each having their own seperate bed rooms. This lady has had sever losses in her life and she is scared. She doesn't know how to leave the security of this marriage even though it is not a true marriage. I believe she goes home because it at least there isn't the stress of the running around when she is there. We are so compatiable and in every sense, are sole mates. But wether it is guilt or the security, she just can't bring herself to leave that house. I love her with all my heart and of course, don't want to give up on such a beautiful person. We are both over 50 years old and starting over is scaring the hell out of her. No matter how much we love each other, she just can't seem to pull the plug at home. She is so afade of what her family and friends will think of her. To me, who cares.... If this is what makes us happy, the true friends will understand and the family who love her will continue to love her. What do i do? I just cant leave her. I will never leave her... Yet this relationship is killing me. How do i get her to realize that we can have a good life together. That starting over with a man she loves is better then living the rest of her life without love...! Please advise....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): I too have been dating a married woman for over a year now. We had breakfast with each other this morning. She is a great woman unlike anyone woman I have ever met. We discussed our and her situattion and agreed she needs her space to find herself. I explained to her that all I really wanted for her was her true happiness, no mater if she stays with her husband, chooses to be single, or decides to be with me or some one else. She deserves to be happy and that is what I would love to be also is {happy}!
It has been very hard to give her up. But if she is truely misserable and if she truely loves me then she will come back and be with me. But she needs to be rid of him before i can go on any furture with her. I have seen the light.
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 Why do people think that dating a married person will make them happy? And why is it that married people who date describe miserable relationships with their spouses but continue to stay with them?
New shoes under your bed will not solve anything for either of you. The statistic for marrieds leaving their spouses to marry their fling is less than 1%. I'm not making this up-scientists say that the reason it's so low is because of the nature of the relationship. It's built on sand and fantasy. When reality,like mortgages, resentful dysfunctional family members, etc step in...the fantasy dissolves like sand.
I foresee so much unhappiness for you. Please, as hard as it is, break off contact and consider yourself the one who got away. Spend your time enriching the lives of others.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): I respect her for her the loyalty she is showing her husband. And it should make you love her even more to see the kind of woman she is. How could a good person walk away from one who is failing in health and has stuck by her all along. Be patient and accept the way things are, or move on. Be grateful for the times you are together and respect her for her values and good sense. Imagine yourself as the ill husband, and her your wife...don't you see she is doing the right thing even though it hurts??? She is to be respected and honored!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): You should break off contact. Tell her until she decides to leave him that you don't want to be on the side anymore. If she really loves you she will leave him but she might care for him more then she lets you know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): Give her time. Be supportive of her decisions. Continue to be her escape hatch.
If you can do all of that, as hard as it is, and you love her 100%, she may one day be yours.
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