A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im in love with a girl who feels that i am to good for her. as if thats not enough she cant stop thinking about all the pain she has caused me in the past i dont care about the past but she cant forget and its making her very sad. i've done all i can think of to make her understand that i love her and i dont care about the past and i know that she is way too good for me. i just dont know what to do to make her understand. if anybody has any ideas they would be much appreciated. thanx in advance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (1 June 2007):
 I was just in your predicament, and I found a way to fix it... What you tell her is this:
1) It takes two people to have a relationship. That means that you made the choice to allow things to continue, however bad they may have seemed. It's partially your fault, but you're not hurting because of it. Because you're not hurting, she has no reason to be hurting. If no damage was done, she can stop worrying about it.
2) She can't let the past consume her.
3) You love her, and are willing to go through rough times in order to get to the good ones.
4) She has a choice to wake up tomorrow, and take a chance toward happiness, or let sadness completely consume her.
5) She is wonderful, and if she was really doing that much damage, then why would you keep coming back for more? Smile, and hug her, and tell her that the only pain that she's causing you is when you two aren't together(Keep reiterating that)
6) You're willing to give her as much time and space as she needs. If she's ever ready, let her know that you'll always be willing to give it a go.
DV1
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (1 June 2007):
I think the two of you have a bad case of poor esteem, and you both have-not learned to love yourselves, unless you can do that how can you learn to love each other? you cannot.Fat chance that your relationship will work,now or ever. You both need to step out of the reltionship for awhile,until both of you can get your s--t together. and if she wants to move on, its a nice way of remaing good friends
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (1 June 2007):
 Hi. She probably is just trying to let you down gently and not hurt your feelings or loose you as a friend! Forget about her as a girlfriend and move on. If she changes her mind she will contact you. Take care.
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (1 June 2007):
 Here is a short way and here is a long way.
Short way means to reset this relationship.
I understand that both of you prefer to choose the long way.
Another thing in common: you are way too good for each other.
You are asking how to "make her understand that i love her"
"she cant stop thinking about all the pain she has caused"
Believe that it's true, but think that she was testing you.
Failing the test showed you are different than she expected.
Moving from here: you are still around her, so ASK HER why?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): maybe just talk to her and tell her listen i love you and thats it. i dont care about the past and we should put it behind us and move on.
i think it would work.
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