A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am i just paraniod? Im at my wits end about this and its destroying me inside. I am a mother of 3, 2 of which i have with my current partner, the only problem is his ex. We used to live together but i suppected he still has feelings for her. They were together when they were young and had a son at the age of 16. he is now 25. When we lived together i became aware that they were messaging alot on facebook and via emails. I tried not to let it bother me too much as we have 2 small kids. We had a huge arrument one day because i found out he had sent her a message late one night and could not understand why. He moved out and went home to his mum, he currently lives there however for the past year all we seem to do is play hot and cold. We parted for several months and he then suggested we try angain. Only he does not know i have access to what he does on the internet and there seems to be a pattern emerging. he seems to have the same on off friendship with her, one minute they are mates, and he randomly emails her stuff like his cv? pictures etc. Then i discover hes deleted her, only a couple of weeks later they are friends again. we recently made up and i assumed we were trying again. I was aware they were not friends again. Now there is suddenly this atmosphere between us and again they have become friends. He says he doesnt want her so why are they constantly falling out if this is just friendship. I feel like a mess inside, all i wanted was to be a family. Are my instints right. Should i confront him or should i just walk away and say nothing coz to me its seems like he s just playing childest games and acting like a teenager. Yet he is in his forties.
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female
reader, Yetilicious  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Well, you definitely need to confront him if you ever want to be happy. Tell him that you know he messages his ex a lot on facebook, that you're not comfortable with it, and that he needs to make a decision. Either he wants you in his life or he doesn't. If he DOES, then he needs to stop messaging his ex on facebook. And really, stop contacting her alltogether. Their "child" is 25. It's not like they need to contact eachother to set up plans on who's house he's going to spend the weekend at. If he loves you he should be spending time with you, not messaging an ex on facebook. Tell him he needs to grow up and get his priorities straight. If he refuses to let her go, then honestly, I'd leave. I don't have any tolerance for men who play childish games.
A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (25 March 2011):
Families can and do vary! You and your 2 children are a family - a single parent family. I do not know why you have played into his fooling around with his ex. Obviously, this is not resolved yet for him. Please find it in yourself to move on. Being alone is not the worse thing in the world. You did not mention if you two are married. But somewhere in this big world is another guy who would love the companionship of a loving woman, one who is a good mother to her children, and who has "moved on" in her life. Find your own nitch and happiness w/o someone playing with your emotions. I think you will be happier in the long run.
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