A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine is dating this guy - she seems pretty into him but recently told me there were some things that in her eyes were 'deal breakers' - which I took to mean she wouldn't end up with him/marry him. When I asked her about it she told me that he is extremely homophobic - so much so that he has gotten out a bible and read her the passages that relate to homosexuality being against god etc etc (I'm not really sure what the bible says about this). Now in her mind she suspects he might actually be gay - and "fighting" his urges. Do you guys think she is right to worry about this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, most of these answers have been very helpful - and I guess confirm what I think too...no clear answers but definately the need for my friend to be alert and talk this issue through with this guy.This guy seems 'confused' about quite a lot of things - so wo knows, maybe this is all part of it.
To 'Anon' who posted first on Oct 16th - I actually found your 'tone' a little off...surely it doesn't matter what age you are to post a question on here, whatever it may be? Also, why should my friend have to 'deal with it on her own'? Are you telling me you wouldn't bring this up with friends or family if it were you? I doubt that.
Oh, and I think you meant whether not weather!
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (18 October 2008):
 I'm with Daniel, because he could have other reasons for being homophobic (I'm not defending homophobia). I don't think that this behavior proves that he is gay. It is true that a lot of men are extremely homophobic are hostile to gay men because it's a reminder of the fact that they are in denial about their sexual persuasion.
In one of my anthropology classes in college, my professor was talking about hate crimes and brought up a case of a man who was extrememely racist (name? don't remember) and it turned out, that he had a black ancestor somewhere down the line. Ironic, I know. Sadly, some people are just hateful. But the moral is, that sometimes, people are hostile toward others because they have insecurities about themselves.
I'm a woman, and there are rumors that I'm a lesbian. I've been approached by lesbians (at gay bars, etc.), but it didn't bother me, because I'm secure about my sexual orientation. I am totally straight, but not homophobic.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (16 October 2008):
 Hi dear, For what I know there are many homosexuals that try and use different methods to fight their homosexuality. I think he asked her to read from the bible about homosexualty as a phycological compensation so he could feel guilty about his homosexual internalised feelings that he has. I think she has a good reason to be concerned about it, however she should be supportive for him. I am almost sure that he is gay.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (16 October 2008):
 Some men are homophobic because they were approached by gays, with obvious sexual purposes, and didn't like the idea of sex with another man. Some of these men quote the Bible because they want words of authority behind them. I don't think this one thing is any clue to this man's sexual orientation.
Agreed, some gay men attack other gays because they want to hide they are gay. And some others do as the fox in the story of the sour grapes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): hi, if you really are aged 30-35 like it says with the question then i am guessing your friend is this age as well. she is old enough to deal with this herself if she is worried about it she should just sit down and talk with him about it but if it really is a deal breaker it is obvious she is not getting the affection and attention she wants and is not feeling the connection any more in this case they should stay friends but break up. Either way i still think she should talk with him other wise she will be left wondering weather he is/did not giving/give her the attention because he is gay or he just has a lot going on and needs some support. She is right to be concerned but it is not the end of the world.
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