A
female
age
36-40,
*atrinadeon
writes:hi all, this is going to seem stupid it does to me but i suppose i just need to get it off my chest. a bit of background info on me;i have been with my boyf for over 3 years w have been living together for 2 ad we have an 18 month old daughter.im really lonely and depresed and scared about certain issues but thats another question...the thing is i keep thinking about my ex. we was only together for a few months and it was 5 years ago the reason we split up tho was not our own choice so maybe i am bitter that the relationship never reched a gradual end? but it hit me today that someday he will marry somebody that is not me! i think im going mad i keep visiting his myspace profile to see his pic. whats wrong with me?? everything rational in my body is telling me that this is juvenille, immature and a classic case of wanting what i cant have but why is it still hurting after 5 years?
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female
reader, katrinadeon +, writes (26 April 2007):
katrinadeon is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou for your answers, you are rght there is no point ruining things with my boyf over a silly infatuation over someone who i dont know anymore! thanx again xx
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 You need to recognize that there's a difference between "infatuation" and "love" and get over this, fast. It could really damage your relationship with your daughter's father.
Infatuation feels good. Your heart races and you're out of breath in a good way. But infatuation CAN'T last. Infatuation is all about the new. (For me, it always lasted about 2 months -- I can't tell you how many boys/men I "got over" right at the 2 month mark, lol.) For some people it lasts longer, but it doesn't last. And trying to get back the infatuation phase is why some people cheat, but I digress.
If you're lucky, the infatuation stage is replaced by love. Comfortable, lasting, warm your heart love. It's not as fun as infatuation -- especially when the man you love hasn't taken out the garbage and it's his turn. But it LASTS, and it's worth it.
It sounds like your ex and you were split up right in the middle of the infatuation stage. But I assure you that if you hadn't been split up, you would discover that he snores, or that he squeezes the toothpaste at the wrong end, or that any of a number of small things about him drive you nuts. You might have found love with this guy, but your age at the time put the odds against it. It's why some long-distance relationships go so well -- the person is not around to piss you off, and so you have an idealized version of them rather than the real one.
DO NOT trade what you have (your real relationship with a real man who's stayed by you and your daughter) for the romanticized version of a person you really don't know anymore. It will only end badly.
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A
female
reader, Sunset0000 +, writes (24 April 2007):
Hi,
I too have had similar problems. My first proper boyfriend who I was with about 4 years ago for 8 months I loved very much and although it was long distance we seemed to have a great relationship although it had it's bad times because of my insane worrying about him wanting other girls/ still wanting his ex girlfriend. Now I have had another boyfriend since then who I was only with a short time and now my current boyfriend who I have been with for 2 and a half years. I often find myself looking back at my first boyfriends letters etc that he had written to me and found myself wishing that it could have worked, especially as I feel it was my stupid worry that ended it and I resent that fact. Recently I've been thinking the same with my last ex boyfriend, although at the time I felt in the end we just had a very deep friendship which I mistook for something else, I've been getting very jealous lately when he's been with his girlfriend and now they've split up I've been thinking a lot about him and getting jealous when he tells me of any girls because I want to be the one who is special to him and I want him to have never truly gotten over me. Silly I know! But anyway, that bit was to show you that I've gone through the same. I don't think it means necessarily that you really truly want to be with your ex, I think maybe you just want it to have been you who was the most special person to him and maybe because of how it ended you do just wonder what might have been. I guess also, you need to ask yourself how you're feeling about your boyfriend at the moment because if there are issues there and you're not completely happy this might have started you thinking about your ex, whether you would really want to be in a relationship with your ex or not.
Hope this helps a bit.
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