A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello dear Uncles and Aunts, Thanks in advance for reading my story. I'm a little bit (perhaps a lot) insecure about the most stupid things ever and it's driving me crazy. is the next thing I'm going to tell you, justified on my part or..My bf whom I've been with for 3/5 years, is currently on a vacation in a tourist hot spot in Spain with his 3 male single best friends. Overall, my boyfriend is very friendly, out-going and 'extrovert', making contact easy and has good charms. He is the kind of guy that listens so well that he attracts a lot of girls (and of course, this makes me uncomfortable while I know deep down I should not be so.. but I still do!)However, he's proven to be a very trustworthy person but some things about the vacation worries me, for example:- He went with his friends to a so-called 'flirtnight' and while he says he doesn't participate in the escapades of his single friends, he gets attention of the girls. (he says he just talks with them and when they make an advance, he kindly refuses to them or refers to me as his gf. but I have to trust him on his word for that.)- He has been going out every night and has been drunk sometimes to the point that he got a black-out. that's a worry on itself! I don't want my man to drink till he gets a coma!- He speaks to me about all the ('hot') girls he has met but how he refused all of them.Honestly, I am worried that he will do himself harm with all the booze he drinks or the possible drugs he will do. He can be a heavy drinker if he wants to and is not scared to experiment (as in drugs). AND the fact that he gets plenty of 'temptation' during his trip with 3 SINGLE friends I find it hard to not be insecure about it. I really don't mind him getting his self-esteem or ego a positive boost by having SOME attention from the girls, but it has it's limits. 'Watch but don't touch', you can presume. I really don't mind him watching beautiful girls walk by as I do the same to guys and we even talk about it to eachother. I'm just so worried... what if he gives in into this temptation and possible excitement and kisses a girl there? I mean. He's been with me for quite a while.. maybe he's bored of me and wants to get some kinda thrill.I wouldn't know how to react if I found out he actually did that. But he keeps me up to date what he does but not in much detail.on the other hand, is it not a bit strange? He's going on a holiday with single friends to a place that is known for it's heavy drinking, flirting and 'the grass is greener'- kinda behavior. So.. I am probably overthinking things and deep down I should know that my bf is the person that makes me happy in life and wouldn't want to hurt me, but still.. Are my thoughts on this somewhat justified or am I exaggerating?Thanks for your thoughts on this!
View related questions:
best friend, drugs, drunk, flirt, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I suppose you aren't familiar with a reality show called " Gandia Shore " ... It's like Jersey Shore, only in some Spanish vacation hot spot instead... Don't watch it !, it would give you nightmares :)..
Your worries are ... half justified , I think.
On one hand, , call me naive, but I believe that if someone does not WANT to cheat, he / she will not cheat no matter where they are and how many temptations there are. A stag party, a strip club, Hugh Hefner's villa... does not matter, if one does not have in mind to cheat , he won't;period.
On the other hand ,... what if he had in mind to cheat, maybe in the very back of his mind ,yet... ? Frankly I find it strange that he was even enticed by the idea of joining his 3 single boozing partying friends who clearly are going in one of those places precisely with the intent of getting laid as much and as quick as possible, becase THAT's exactly what SOME of these places are admittedly and blatantly about . ( It depends from the place, too. Like, if it's Ibiza, for instance, although it is the capital of the the night life in the Mediterranean,...there's actually people , like yours truly, who goes there because of the beautiful sea and landscape and great food etc. But some other places... brrr ! They have all the charm , and the architecture, of a council estate in Northern England, as well as the same number of historical or touristic or natural attractions, i.e. zero, and people go there just for getting wasted and getting laid ). I mean, his friends will be busy .. getting busy, would your bf not find it boring being all by himself, or being left by himself drinking and dancing all alone , as soon as his friends get their target ?... Which happens pretty soon, since people go there just to be " targeted " and they are not to finicky about by whom.
I don't know but, if your friends were going on a fishing trip, and you don't fish.. if they were going on a horseback riding vacation, and you don't ride horses... would still choose to join them ? Would you not be afraid of feeling out of place and wasting your time ?...
Sorry , probably you wanted reassurance but I can't give it to you confidently and wholeheartedly. I do think that his was a strange choice, people do not like to spend money to just sit and watch other guys having fun.
Then again, we can't even exclude that he wanted to go because he is a gregarious type who did not want to let his friends down, or just out of curiosity, to see what's like, to observe. Like an anthropologist, you know. That may be interesting too. Or that he is ,like you say, just having fun looking without touching.
I am afraid it's 50-50; you'll have to toss a coin on that.
A
male
reader, TravisPrice  +, writes (6 August 2014):
As a guy being that drunk and around "hot" girls can some times lead to some questionable behaviour. I'm not saying yes he is cheating because every guy is different but once you are that drunk you can easily forget about the one at home. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, PrincessRiches  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Im guessing he's going to Shagaluf???(I worked there for 6 months) LolYou are just being a good g/f worrying about him, with the unlimited cheap booze and drugs, but this is all part of the experience. He is a grown lad and if he can't handle his drink, it's his own fault. Just because his friends are single and will probably be wanting to get with girls doesn't mean he will. If he is a good person with strong morals then he won't cheat. Lots of guys have the whole "what goes on on tour stays on tour thing", but I'm guessing he isn't like this or you wouldn't be with him.You say hes never given you any reason to doubt him, so you don't want him to think you don't trust him. I'd just make it abundantly clear that if he cheats, you'll leave him, then just drop the subject.
...............................
|
