A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My family are stressing me out. I can never please them, no matter what I do. They are serioulsy struggling to accept the fact I didn't go to University. I really didn't want to go- it wasn't the route I wanted to take in life, it was what THEY wanted for me. I have wanted to be a beautician since I was ten. When I could have left school to go to beauty school, they brow-beat me into going back to do my A Level's (LSAT equivalents in US I think) I did get good enough grades, and was offered places at two Universities. I realised that I needed to do what I wanted, and turned them down and went to beauty school two years later than I wanted. I love it,I've got a job I enjoy in a salon, and I'm happier than I've been in a long time. My only problem is my family are still finding it hard to accept and won't support me. My dad passed away a few years ago and they have even told me he wouldn't be happy with my decision, he'd have wanted me to go to University. I don't think this is true, as he didn't go himself and did very well for himself. I moved out about a year ago with my partner, and we are very happy. But my family are "ashamed" that we live in a council estate, they think it isn't good enough. How do I get them all to back off and just accept me for who and what I am?
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female
reader, -BMBTL- +, writes (6 August 2014):
 You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, if you are happy they should be happy for you. It's not about what they want, they want you to be a certain way, having a career, as you haven't 'turned out' that way, they are making you feel inadequate. Which is selfish.
They should be supportive, whatever you chose to do, remember you don't need to even speak to them if they are upsetting you/don't agree with your lifestyle. Live YOUR life for YOU and not for them and well done for not caving in to them, as many people do.
The best thing to do is realise if they still beat you down about it, don't contact them and then they'll realise they need to accept you for the lifestyle you live :)
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): Stay true to YOU and follow your OWN dreams. Lead the way and show others that following your own pathway in life is all that matters.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 You can't make them do anything. What they choose to feel is their choice. And you can choose whether you want to care, or rather ignore it. You can choose whether you will let this bother you any longer, or if you should stop thinking about it. What they feel is their decision, not yours. You didn't make them feel disappointed, that was a feeling they chose for themselves. So don't feel responsible for other peoples feelings, you never are. That responsibility belongs to them, not to you.
So if they start to talk about it, ignore it. Change the topic. Or just walk away. Your choice whether to sit and listen to it and try to argue it, or to simply ignore it and continue with your life.
You can't please everyone in life. Some might have a problem with you. What are you gonna do? You can't do anything about it, besides altering who you are and taking commands and do what they want you to do... And as that isn't an option, then all that is left is accept that they have chosen to feel what they feel, and leave it at that.
They are the ones with a problem. Don't make this your problem as well.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 You say you're happy . . . So what does it matter what they think of you (If they can't be happy for you that is). You're doing what you've always wanted to do despite not going to university so I think that perhaps they need time to come around and learn to accept that you're doing what may not have been the good thing for you to do in their eyes but it's good enough for you and you like it just fine. If they can't accept that then maybe they're making this all about them instead of making YOUR life about YOU. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you because after all your happiness with the path you've chosen is all that counts. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, LouieLouis  +, writes (6 August 2014):
Why do you insist on trying to please your family when it seems obvious they will never allow you to do so? It is only causing you stress. It would help you to take a step back and see through the cruel game they are playing with you. Don't play their game.Your family's behavior is nothing short of mental abuse - and life is too short to put up with that. Next time you communicate with your family, remind them of this quote from the great Bruce Lee: "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine."Best of luck
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A
female
reader, IzzySoph +, writes (6 August 2014):
Honestly, I think its them that's being shameful to throw such a low blow as "your father would have wanted it" - horrible way to pressure you! The bottom line is, is that YOU are happy. It is the life that YOU chose. Nothing to do with them. All I can say is that keep going at the salon and enjoy your life as it is. If your family see how happy you are then hopefully they will have a change of heart. If after and year of sticking at it and you'v got a big smile on your face and they're STILL not happy, then it might be time to sit them down and explain to them how happy you are and how this is the path in life you want. If they still don't see it then just leave them to be ignorant and small-minded because at the end of the day, if you think you've made the right decision then YOU HAVE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Why bother "getting them off your back???... and accepting you for who you are?????"
Who's going to live your life? YOU? .... or, them????
Good luck...
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