A
male
age
26-29,
*aragonsphoenix
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and had a casual romantic relationship for several months before that. All in all we have been involved for about a year. Before we became officially a couple, there was a guy that constantly flirted with her but she always shot him down (they are somewhat friends). Over the weekend she was supposedly going to spend the night over at a friends who needed some consoling over her boyfriend. The friends boyfriend ended up coming over to apologize and the friend then asked if she could stay somewhere else (my girlfriend doesn't have a car). The man who previously flirted with her, lets just call him Adam, was also at the friends and offered her a place to stay the night. (I was already asleep when this happened so I couldn't have picked her up). My girlfriend tells me that Adam kept making sexual passes on her and she just shrugged it off and she tells me she kept a firm no. He continues to make passes on her and at a point bites her neck. She tells me she responded with "No, that's a turn on, stop." but obviously he continues to bite her neck. Her words were "He was trying to turn me on and it worked." at this point she claims that she told Adam that there was no way she is having sex with him because she is with me. At this point Adam begins to masturbate which makes her really uncomfortable (so she claims) and he attempts to coax her into it. She says eventually she gives in but only touched his penis for a maximum of one minute before realizing "what the fuck, this is wrong."I ask her if anything else happened and she said "I showed him my boobs" and I inquired if that happened before, or after the brief handjob. She was very unclear and said "sort of during and after and a little before" which is confusing, she claims all items of clothing stayed on her and it was more like a flash, but still. I'm very confused on how, during a handjob of less than a minute, she gave him a good look at her breasts? Some of her story just doesn't add up or sit right with me. She seems genuinely sorry and I can tell she does mean it. I do love her and have already forgiven her for the incident, but she makes no attempt to be nicer or sweeter or even try to make it up to me. Also, I can't stop thinking about it. It's eating away at me. Also, to defend her a little bit, she came clean the day of, just hours after it happened.Should I really forgive her? How do I stop thinking about it? Is she actually sorry?
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female
reader, Staceily +, writes (7 August 2014):
 I think if there is even a possibility to forgive someone for cheating they need to truly be sorry. I don't believe she is sorry at all. Why? Because she isn't telling you the whole story. She won't give a clear answer on your questions about the details, like the boobs showing. That's someone who is lying. When you ask a question and she deflects or gives broad answers and seems overall unclear of the events, it is because they aren't true. By her story she was pretty much sexually assaulted, she was forced to give this guy a hand job and show him her boobs because he was forcing himself on her and masturbating in front of her. I think a girl is going to remember every single detail of her sexual assault.
Liars will typically give you part of the story. Some of what she said is true. They do this so the lie is easier to tell and easier for you to believe. Ask her to tell the story again. Then ask her to tell it backwards, it will trip up a liar quite easily. Watch her body language and facial expressions. Call her out on the parts that don't make sense and watch her back pedal. You will find out new information on this event over time. You will get a little more you didn't hear the first time each time it comes up. She won't remember her story or how much she divulged.
The most likely scenario, she had some form of consenual sexual activity with him. Could have been just a hand job, could've been sex, but at that point does it matter? Afterwards she tells you a tale where the guy is majority at fault so she can play the victim and you can't be too mad at her. She gives you some pieces of truth and tells you immediately about it in case the guy ever comes around you and tries to tell you what happened. She then can claim he's a liar- the proof being that she told you what happened right afterwards and some of the story syncs up. So her's is the true one.
You forgave far too easily. You let her pull the wool over your eyes while she played victim. You are being naive and trusting because you love the girl. Use some sense and open your eyes now because she is a cheater and a liar. The sooner you see this the more trouble you will save yourself later.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 She CHEATED on you OP, this is really a no-brainer! She gave him a handjob, she showed him her boobs...this is all wrong...VERY wrong. Don't even try to get into the how, when and what scenario because the bottom line is that she had the option of not doing anything with him and yet she *chose* to ignore that option. She should have just slapped the guy across the face for having the audacity to start masturbating in front of her but she chose to go along with it and even showed him her breasts. Do you really think it stopped at that? Are you seriously THAT naive?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): Hey buddy, walk away, I know it will hurt a long time. She . Will do it again, cause if you stay with her, she got away with it, what women goes home with a guy, an don't expect the guy not to try to get his way, she wanted too, sorry, but if you know the guy, well f him up, if you don't it's just her fault, but fighting the guy won't change things, am really sorry this happened, it happened to me two years ago, an I walk away, an I still think of her all the time, an she doesn't even think of me, these kind of women, just like some guys, they just don't care how much they hurt us. Good luck, she don't deserve you. You will fine your smile again one day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): I had a friend that did this once. She was at the park with her ex bf who kept pressuring her for sex. She kept saying no, until eventually she decided to just give him a bj. She felt so bad about it the next day she tried going to the police to say she had been forced. Of course the police didn't do anything, it was consensual because she gave in. I have a feeling your gf did something similar and felt guilty so she tried to make it seem like it wasn't her fault. If I were you, I would end it. I wouldn't want to be with someone who gives in to pressure from guys wanting to sleep with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): You girlfriend cheated on you.
She offered you the details; which is quite weird. However; tried to lessen the blow by claiming she touched it for only a minute. She topped it off with showing him her breasts. How long did that take?
Well, there you have it. It was consensual and she gave in. He should have been the last person she should have gone home with, if she has a boyfriend and respects him.
If there wasn't a lot of prior flirting going on, you could just let this one slide. However; the guy has been working on her for awhile; and I think allowing him to give her a ride to stay the night at his house was totally "wrong!" Not to mention she verbally confirmed what he was doing turned her on. If it was "NO," it should have been "NO!"
She was upfront about it, yes. That doesn't excuse it; because she should have called you first. I think she gave you a mixture of the truth and lies. You will not be able to trust her from here on out. The other guy doesn't respect the boundaries of your relationship, and continues to go after her. His point was to put a wedge between you.
In my opinion, you may be better off letting her go. She has made her choice. What's she going to say and do the next time? How convenient he was there at her friend's house.
Things have started out too complicated, and she has already cheated within only a few months. He will always be waiting in the shadows, and his intentions are well known at this point.
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A
female
reader, PrincessRiches  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 In my book, a hand-job and showing off her tits is cheating. She shouldn't have even been in bed with another bloke!!!
If the guy always flirted with her, she is bound to have known what going back to his house would lead to.
You'll not forget this, and trusting her again would be very difficult.
If she is not even trying to be sweeter or nicer, or making it up to you in any way, then my advice would be to get shot of her, and find someone who actually deserves you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): You aren't getting the whole story.
Its called Trickle Truth. She tells you just enough to get rid of her guilt but not enough to get herself into trouble for what she really did.
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