A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, i'm a little worried at my attitude to my relationship with my bf and need some advice. We've been together 10 months, both work full time (shifts) and don't live together. At first, it was lust for me, but after several months, I realised I was in love with him (he'd told me he loved me after 3 months). He's pushing me to move in with him, and i'm not keen to. I've realised I don't want to settle into domesticity with him yet. I really enjoy spending time with him when we're doing something, like hanging out with friends, going for a walk, etc. But when he asks me to go and see him and he's just watching TV, I get really bored. I feel like I just want him to grab me and kiss me like he did in the early days. And when we go to bed, I feel really sad when he goes straight to sleep (even on the days when he's not been at work, so isn't tired out), kinda rejected, 'cos I want us to make love. I feel my sex drive is now higher than his (it used to be the other way around) and it's frustrating. I know he watches porn 1-2 times per week, and I kinda feel that if he didn't, maybe he'd want me more? We still go out on 'dates', I exercise regularly, try and look good, and am otherwise a supportive, kind, loving girlfriend. It's just the issue of domesticity that is threatening our relationship.So, we're in a situation where he's pushing me to move in with him, and I'm pulling away because already it feels like the 'honeymoon' phase is slipping away and I want to maintain it as long as possible. Am I being unfair, or stupid in some way?For background, I lived with my ex by for 7 years, and he ended up cheating on me. I think my current bf feels moving in with each other is a step forward and would make him feel even more secure in our relationship, but for me, it wouldn't do this.I guess my questions are: how can I maintain the honeymoon relationship phase for longer, what should I do when I'm feeling bored when I'm with my bf, what to do when we go to bed and I'm frustrated as he has gone to sleep and I want to make love, and whether I'm being stupid about wanting to put off domestic life together a bit longer.Thanks :)
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female
reader, Mariab +, writes (2 August 2011):
 The honeymoon period ALWAYS wears off! Maybe not 100% but I think realistically things are never the same as in the first moments. If you love this guy, you will make an effort to build something else. Something stronger - based on communication, friendship and sorry to say hunny but FACING good and bad times together. Life is not always FUN and sometimes he may want to watch TV with his girl ... he doesn't have to pay you ALL his attention ALL the time you are together. Good luck xx
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (2 August 2011):
The end of a honeymoon period in a relationship is not a bad thing, it is when you start to choose to accept people for who they are, and when you learn to resolve conflicts.
It sounds like you are not ready to take the step further to move in together, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just explain it to your boyfriend, and say let's review it in a few months. It should be up to him also to make sure that your relationship stays fun, and enjoyable. After all, why would you want to move in with him, if either of you weren't happy?
I guess also you have to remember, at the end of the so-called honeymoon period, you are getting to know the "real" person behind all the initial chemistry and romance. It could be that this guy just simply isn't the right one for you. But you are both old enough now to know how to communicate with each other, and learn to understand each other and to see if you can make things work. As for the porn, yes I would say if he is using porn, and your sex life is suffering - he should abstain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): The simple answer is, if you are not ready to live with him then don't.
By the sound of it, you are not happy with the way things are now, moving in together which can be stressful isn't going to help.
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A
male
reader, happy140  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 “I guess my questions are: how can I maintain the honeymoon relationship phase for longer”
I honeymoon definitely gets “over” but it should move into something better such as I feel mine has. No more trying to impress and not being 100% what you want to be (minding your P’s and Q’s so to speak). Move to that cuddle on the couch because that is what he wants to do, he wants to watch TV, but it is more enjoyable with a cuddle. Things can be done together with out having to go outside. Cooking together, definitely regular showers together to wash his hair- (I say his hair because my wife needs a long shower so she just washes my hair and body, I soap her up and get out and let her finish) This keeps the shower fun and not an intrusive pain because of the tight space. When you have a home bound project ask for his help buy bring it to his house.
“What should I do when I'm feeling bored when I'm with my bf”
I think that is a lot more common than you may think. Heck we see each other so ofton we are bound to get bored. Understand that you do not need to touch, cuddle, or talk 24/7 when you are together. I love knowing my wife is in the next room doing what she needs or wants to do. If want to be closer to her I get off my ass and go to her; we do not need to be within an arms length all the time. Just knowing they are close is enough. Bring one of your projects you do at home and do it at his place.
“What to do when we go to bed and I'm frustrated as he has gone to sleep and I want to make love”
As I always say use the all day teaser. A touch a fondle a quick lick , a quick neck kiss anything that tells him you want him and then initiate at night- why does it have to be at bedtime?? Spontaneity, the kitchen the couch the store anywhere.
“And whether I'm being stupid about wanting to put off domestic life together a bit longer”
The only stupid part here is doing something you will regret. Make it clear to him that you need to wait. You can do that in a loving manner that makes him want you to wait. You need to ensure he knows why you need to wait and that your love for him has nothing to do with it; you plan to be there always beside him. Yes we get afraid if we do not latch on quickly someone else WILL steal you away.
As for the porn. We can enjoy porn and yes we may even masturbate to it. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!! Caps for a reason. We are just are so visual that kind of stimulation is very enjoyable and the fact that we/he may or may not masturbate has nothing to do with his love for you but is the need for a hurry up and get it over with no strings orgasm, its just plain and simple, simple as that.
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