A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Are there any married couples out there that don't find their relationships boring? And if so, how many years have you been together? I've been married once, and boredom set in rather quickly. I'm heading down the isle with #2 pretty soon, and I have so many fears that once we tie the knot, the same boredom will set in. I used to think it was because my first hubby and I we were not really suited for each other, but now I worry that it's because the "hunt" is over and things become predictable when they are stable. Any advise out there? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 Things do become routine. Everything we do for a long period of time becomes monotonous. Even Hollywood types eventually lose the attraction to the lime light. We believe though, since we're talking about love, that euphoria won't end. It does.
The most important part to remember is what you've built along the way. All the things that fall under the umbrella of love can not be bought. That is why some people, who appear to have it all, in fact don't. Life becomes hollow without someone to rely on through thick and thin.
It does not hurt to be spontaneous, even after years. Let's face it, if you were to embark on a romance with a new partner, you'd put all your energy into it. Why not do so the same with "old faithful". He's the guy you can depend on to take out the garbage or pick up your prescription from the pharmacy when you're sick. If you were dating a new person, you'd be spending hours preparing for a date but find it difficult to find time to sleep with your husband. This is because we take the ones we love for granted. They'll always be around.....until they get fed up with being neglected.
It's easy to fall into a rut. It's hard to climb out. WE start to lose focus on what we have and new "opportunities" seem exciting. It is only misplaced excitement. It's actually a huge complement to have a partner who loves you. What makes it special is they love you for all that you are. Good and bad. They see you in the morning and when you go to sleep. They know what you like to eat and how you think. They become part of you. It's often difficult to measure these things until they're gone.
Never stop doing for your partner. Make them feel loved. Make time for the things they enjoy. Treat them as you'd treat a stranger. Of course there will be temptations along the way. They are nothing. They are hollow moments that boost your ego. A physical attract can not beat an emotional bond.
It's important for men to continue to treat women like the jewels they are. It's equally vital that women recognize that men have needs to. We are sexual and many times need it more often. Make it fun, it's a compliment. Often though, we're made to feel like intruders. And for the men who don't dote on their partners, don't expect her to melt in your arms.
It's all effort. Respect, trust and freedom are what we need. Give your partner freedom to live and they will do so in return. Recognize your partner and compliment them. Let them know you appreciate their efforts. You will be rewarded.
Finally, when life does seem mundane. Shake it up. Don't look outside your marriage though. You'll only find a temporary fix.
A
male
reader, nigelfuxwell  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 I am actually writing an article about this very same issue right now. It's no secret that familiarity breeds boredom sometimes, regardless of whether it's your job, your daily routine, your home or your relationships. And the situation is made worse if you're one of those people who has to be constantly stimulated (i.e. a short attention span) or they become restless. I can relate, since I am certainly one of those people.
The reason why people get bored with marriage is because we have applied these labels to the arrangement like "stable", "predictable" and "routine". But no where in the rule book does it state that once you get hitched you have to become this "steady eddie" whitebread individual tied to another boring person, ok? Your marriage will become boring for one of two reasons typically:
1) You are with a person who doesn't fit your personality or lifestyle and can't keep you mentally, emotionally and physically stimulated or
2) You allow it to become stale.
The idea that marriage is supposed to be a day by day amusement park is absurd UNLESS you take that approach and MAKE that your reality. What I'm saying is, you are going to have to work at it with your spouse. It's a team effort.
Now, I'm assuming (based on the fact that you're going to join this man in matrimony) that you two are totally in love and compatible... So without touching the fact that if you're not compatible it's probably going to get boring pretty quickly, I'll concentrate on what you can do to keep it fresh. Again, I assume since you're getting married you are obviously friends and share the same interests, so I suggest that you start the marriage off right before the vows are exchanged, and tell him that you love him soooo much that you never want to lose the spark. That will hopefully lead to a conversation about all the trips you will take, the spontaneous nights out having fun, the "naked tuesdays" (where it's against the law in your home to wear a stitch of clothing when you get home from work), the promises to try new foods and dancing once a month and so on.
What I'm saying is that this has to be a priority, and you have to make it that way. My parent have been married for 37 years, and everytime I call them, they're on their way to some event, shopping center or on a trip. (They're probably so damned glad the kids are out of the house that they're having a field day everyday) But whether you have kids or not, whether you've been married for 4 months or 44 years, you have to plan and do EXPERIENCES that will keep your friendship strong. If your friendship is strong, your romance will be strong. If your romance is strong, your marriage will be able to weather anything.
I always ask people who talk about getting married one question... "If a huge storm comes along and knocks out the power to your home, and there's no TV, no stereo, it's 9:00PM, and all you have is the two of you... Can you create an experience from that? Can you find something to do? If so, you're making a good choice. If not, then you might want to rethink your decision"...
In your case, if you have that talk, and make the commitment to do your part to keep the marriage fun and exciting, then you'll be more than fine. You will achieve the one thing that EVERYONE is looking for. Happiness...
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A
female
reader, Shalita  +, writes (28 July 2007):
Like the saying, Marriage is not a bed of roses. Sure but you need to know what you and your partner want, opennes is the best key to enjoy your marriage and lastly trust one another.Since you are about to get into the act, i hope you are friends with him and always have sometime for yourself. Iam sure you will enjoy your marriage.Good luck.
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