A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had sex with my bf for the first time last week and I'm worried that it happened too early. It was my first time but not his. It was left totally up to me by him, I was not at all pressured into it and I really wanted it to be him, but I get the impression from everyone else that its too early in the relationship. We've been together just over a month, my mum found out about it the other day as well and says that thats all he's interested in me for, but I really don't think so. He told me he loved me, even though i cant say it back, and feel absolutely awful he's the best thing thats ever happened to me. I've had a pretty rough life, my dad died of cancer last year and i've been going through a slight depression since, until I met him, I think maybe I gave in because i needed comfort and intimacy since my dad had gone. I've known him for 7 months, we met in college, he liked me since the start but had a gf (dated for a yr) and was too shy too say anything. We went on a trip together and basically fell for each other, nothing happened until he broke up with her straight after. I just wondered what is the normal time to wait before first having sex in a relationship so it lasts long.He is a decent guy and has good prospects for the future, hopefully we both want to go to uni even though his family are quite "well off" and he's started buying me really expensive gifts only recently, I think it will last long and I dont want it to be ruined.
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male
reader, 1perrito  +, writes (22 March 2009):
 I can see that your Father's death changed everything for you. However, it seems to me that you have found a 'keeper'.
You are too young, though. For now, You must know that, this is your first real relationship. It is important that you know that he could break your heart.
So, be prepared and expect the worst.
To prevent the 'worst', make sure he wears a condom (or you, take birth control).
You did not say how old he is, I suspect that he is older than you.
All I can say, so far, you are doing well because you were friends before you became intimate, that's great! Those are the best relationships, when your friend becomes your lover.
If this does not work out between you and him, this will make you a better person (experience). Your skin will no longer be thin. This will make you stronger. Just must be wary of your heart, and for God's sake, DO NOT GET PREGNANT!
FRM
A
female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Well, from my own personal experience, the boyfriends I slept with early never lasted. The only relationship that lasted the longest for me was almost 6 years, and we didn't sleep together for the first year. We got to know each other and fell in love. It wasn't about lust when we finally had sex, it was to show each other how we felt.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Even if a guy's family has money, a man has to stand on his own two feet, financially. That's what your future husband and father of your children should be expecting to do, right?
So let's talk about making plans and making babies. That's what sex is all about, after all. Did you sleep with him to early? Well - that's kind of crying over spilt milk now. Is your Mom right? Only time will tell and only you can know if this relationship is all about sex or not. My opinion is that the fact that you believe in him and "don't think so" is probably a good gut feeling to go with! You sound mature enough to recognize that you might have rushed it for a few other reasons, but it did sound like he was interested for quite a while. Needing love and comfort might be the reason why you did jump in, but that might not be the only thing that drew him to you in the first place, so cut yourself a bit of slack. Mainly, You need to be discussing this with him.
Presents are lovely, but you need to communicate how you are feeling about all of this to him and find out if he feels the same way about you and if the relationship is heading anywhere but sex. I slept with my husband 6 months after I met him, we were 18 and 19, and we have been together for 35 years. I think that there isn't one pat answer for "when" or a "right time" or "formula" for staying together. But when we did get together, we had already Decided that we were a "Couple" and had started making plans for our future life together. I probably wouldn't have slept with him otherwise. We decided that in order to show outwardly to our families that we were serious, we got engaged and had a long engagement (through university) before we married. It worked for us, but as I have said, only time will tell.
You are a couple of years younger than I was, so please make sure that you are using two forms of contraception and make sure that you don't accidentally get pregnant. I really recommend that you continue to use condoms until you marry to protect your own fertility too. It's just a good idea, because many STI's can lead to infertility.
Do you guys have a chance? Sure you do. Good Luck and I hope things work out for you. And I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, Hunnie. XXX
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A
male
reader, sometimes ( Iwish) +, writes (22 March 2009):
 No way, don't feel guity about sharing with someone you really like.
If you like the chemistry you both have when your together, it's good. Life has many experiences to be had. You have to try things out, and on. Don't be afraid just be yourself, this will travel the way it's meant to.
Take your time, understand yourself and what you are being offered by this person. You don't have to see this as a mistake, stay confident. Talk to him about this, and maintain respect for each other. It's really good to do this with someone you want to be with. You will find out the value you both have put on this experienced you have shared with each other. New feelings should be explored...
Regards,
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