A
female
age
36-40,
*anetpipkur
writes:Hi, I really need some advice - I've been in a very happy relationship for over six months now. My boyfriend is very loving and caring, and we've never even had an argument - we just seem very in tune with one another. But something odd happened yesterday morning. I'd left some cash in my bedside table which had been given to me 2 months previously on my birthday. I dip into it occasionally to use when I want to avoid going to the cash machine. I hadn't looked at it recently, but thought from memory that I still had several notes left. When I went to get the money yesterday, it was gone.My boyfriend is the only other person that has access to my bedroom. So, either, I've misremembered how much I had and have spent it all and don't remember doing so (but my memory is usually really good, so this would be unusual for me), or I lost it (again, unlikely), or... my boyfriend took it. I can't get that thought out of my head. The weird thing is he would have absolutely no motive, he has a good job and earns decent money. I have never had a reason not to trust him before.I would hate to accuse him and be wrong and ruin a great relationship. Should I just let this go?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017): You almost certainly lost the money, spent it, or put in a pocket somewhere and have forgotten. Don't make an ass out of yourself by accusing him. Only a klepto would steal from a significant other when they have a good job. Money can and does fall behind drawers. I've lost things, been convinced it had been stolen, then found it a year later. The only honorable way to approach this would be to ask him if he noticed where you put the money. Tell him you're pretty sure you had it in your hand the other day and you can't remember where you put it down, or if you put it in a coat pocket.He may have innocently borrowed it, intending to return it, and that would give him the opportunity to tell you about it. More likely, it's in the bottom of your purse.I would throw a woman out of my house if she accused me of stealing something of hers. I would not want somebody around that I have to worry is about to lose something and blame me. I've been accused of borrowing car keys (my car, just her keys), and gotten so mad I couldn't believe it. She was sure she had them in her purse and now they were gone. She checked her whole purse, and was sure I must have used them, since she obviously drove home with them. We dumped her purse out and found the damn keys. Money is much easier to misplace.
A
female
reader, ALM12  +, writes (18 September 2017):
 I agree with @Anonymous 123 before you start accusing him put some money in that same spot and see if its there in a few days...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2017): You can ask him w/o accusing him. Just say that you hope that your flat has not been raided by a thief because you are almost sure that some money is gone from your table. If you are on such a good terms as you state he shouldn't be offended.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 September 2017):
 I'm with Uncle Phil here. Either casualty bring it up and see how he responds or keep some more cash in your room a few days later and see what happens
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2017): I meant to say:
"Memory is not a good file-drawer."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2017): Accusing someone of theft is a very serious allegation. I have some very expensive pieces of jewelry. I inherited a very expensive diamond ring from my father. I clean frequently; and I sometimes find a safer place to put things. It's so automatic I don't even think. My boyfriend was never a suspect; because the guy is rich. He wouldn't need anything from me. I just panicked. I borrow his housekeeper twice a week. Now you know where this is going.
I didn't say a word. I have homeowner's insurance, and all my valuables are pictured and catalogued with my insurance carrier. Including the ring, which was recently appraised for a very decent value. I was quite surprised actually. I was shocked my dad was even interested in bling. I don't recall seeing him wear it. Must have been an impulse purchase. He was such a down-to-earth humble guy.
I did some frantic searching around the house. Guess where I found it? In my portable safe!!! I was so used to it being in a jewelry box atop my dresser. I just kept it recorded in my memory that's where it was; because it has been there for years. I never wear it. It's a keepsake.
Now, make sure you look to the back and behind the drawer. You have to pull the drawer completely out and off the sliding-track. If you put too much stuff in a drawer, sometimes it flips over the back of the drawer into a weird spot.
If he did borrow it without asking; he probably planned to put it back before you noticed, but forgot. Memory is not a good file-draw. Only computers have memory-banks! You may have taken out the entire sum; and wasn't conscious of what you were doing at the time. It happens.
If you approach him about it, ask him to help you look for some money you think you may have misplaced. It gives him an opening to confess; or at least give an incriminating reaction. If the money is never accounted for; and you get no confession. Say bye-bye to the boyfriend.
Not being absolutely 100% sure, you should never accuse anyone of anything. It will cause an irreparable dent in your relationship. However; you have not known this man long. There is a possibility, but you have no evidence to support your suspicion.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2017):
 I agree, too soon to confront.
Add a 10 or 20 Pound note and DO not touch it. If that disappears - ask him if he has seen it as you were saving it for XYZ.
Then gauge his response.
Also, check behind the furniture :)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 September 2017):
 The motive for theft, more often than not, is greed, not poverty. It's luxuries that stolen, not necessities. When money is stolen is could be an attempt to hide poor choices that lead to the need for more money. A good paying job is not proof of innocence.
Keep a discreet eye on the situation for the time being. It's too soon to confront him, I think.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (18 September 2017):
 I think you need to tread carefully, as you are not 100% sure the money was there. You could say something like 'I thought I had left some money here, but I can't find it' to see if he responds. Or you could put some more money in the same place to see if that goes missing too. I think you need more evidence on this one before any accusations. I hope you can get to the bottom of the problem!
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