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age
51-59,
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writes: Help help help. In a previous column I told everyone about how my x dumped me after 3 1/2 years by text. I also found that she had a dating profile. We talked on the phone. She says she feels like a horrible person for what she did and we had long uncomfortable silences. When she did talk she said she felt like a bad person. She said I do love you but lately I've been feeling like you are my best friend and not my boyfriend. To be fair to her she has been working a lot Also her father has had another diabetic episode and had it in frint of her daughter and grand daughter. Also I found out that this month is her dears husband and hers 7 year anniversary month. He has been gone for about 4 years. I confronted her with the news that I knew about her dating profile. She was caught off guard but said she went on there long ago and thought she had removed it. To once again be fair. I built a phony profile and messaged her to no response and profile says she hasn't been on in more than 3 weeks which seems to be the limitation that the site will track. She told me that she felt like I was pressuring her but couldn't really explain how I informed her that I would be probably moving soon because I didn't uproot to come here and be her best friend She says she just thinks she needs some time. She also says that she thinks we should meet out this Saturday Once again please help. Not sure what to do. I wanted to marry this woman and am finding it hard to just let go. However I feel if she has done this once then what's to stop her from doing it again. Not to mention that I believe that her roommate will always be working in the background to keep us apart . I know she doesn't want me to move. I'm at a loss as to what to say and do. Please advise
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anniversary, best friend, roommate, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2017):
 The thing is OP its not about her past, if she has lied about that, then what else is she lying to you about? How can you trust a liar? I know I couldn't.
I understand that you are hurting at the moment. But do you really want to live your life with someone who will always put there flat mate first? Who sounds like she is actually more than friends with her? I doubt she would accept marriage as that would mean her moving out from the flat mate and do you think she is prepared to do that? Honestly I think you need to try and accept that it is over, and allow yourself time to grieve the relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know how ridiculous it sounds. Trust me I do. I have a past and truly don't care that she has one also. I've wanted to marry her for awhile now. The person she has been the last month is not the person she has been for the last 3 1/2 years. Don't understand and am venting to Maybe here what I don't want to realize I know it's over. I just don't want to accept because I love her with all my heart Can't stand the thought of not being there when or if she ever needs me. Just a lot to get through my head in a short period of time. I said slutty girl in one comment and wish I could take it back. Life happens I know I guess I need to get on with mine and let her decide whether or not she wants to be apart of it.
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 September 2017):
In your last post you explained that people said she slept around even though she told you she only had a few partners, and now you want to marry her? What has changed from calling er a slut and a liar? Honestly do you think you could trust this woman again? It is clear to me that she does not want to be with you or else she would not be letting you go. You are only going to hurt yourself here.
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Exactly what are you fighting for??
Are you fighting to make things harder, or are fighting to make yourself look like a fool??
If a woman dumps me...then thank you for your time we spent together. No way I am going to drag it out just end up in the same place...dumped.
Only a fool will try to stay with someone who has made it clear they are not welcome.
You see this as bad thing...How would like to have married her as you say. Maybe couple of kids...and then one day...this happens???
I would thank you...because as bad as this seems to you right now...it could always be worst.
Bad things happen for good reasons.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure what it's gonna be. We may just hang out Maybe talk. We dated for two years before I moved. In my first column I explained about the psych roommate. She interferes in us because she doesn't really want my x with anyone. As for Saturday I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I went to a bar recently where my x used to be a regular. I was told that she loves money and is chasing bank accounts. I was also told that she frequently puts guys on back burner because she usually has two or three going at a time Of course I don't have the job I used to hav since that company went out of buisness but that was over a year ago. So I'm definitely considering that since I don't have the same cash she may be less interested. It may be that she says she loves me and wants me to stay in case another relationship doesn't work I figure she is seeing someone else so this relationship is over
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017): I think the chemistry isn't there for her and she lacks commitment.Maybe you uprooted yourself too fast as she seems to still have a roomate.I'm not sure I would bother meeting her on Saturday if I were in your shoes which I'm not!Id like to think I'd be packing and leaving with a "So long sweetheart" text!Marrying is about permanently linking financially in my opinion and I don't see that she wants that.But there is no right or wrong in a situation like this.You are free to see her again for one more night or jump on your steed and vanish to fight another battle and woo another woman elsewhere.It seems that this relationship is a long way from marriage and maybe you need a red hot woman to feel passionate about.Reality is that red hot woman don't always appear just when you need them!And passion doesn't always display itself in a way that you can commit to.Is she going to give you a goodbye-saturday or is it gonna be a melt in the mouth moment?
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