A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel silly writing this but here goesI fell out with a friend over something I did with best intentions but my friend didn't see it that way As they are busy working in had to WhatsApp an apologyI was genuine as I felt awful and told them this.It was quite a long apologyThe next morning I got a reply saying we will catch up soon but that was last Sunday I know you would think me impatient but just want to clear the air properly I'm worried now I won't hear backPlease advise Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2020): Oh, my gosh! You're also the OP who wrote about the LinkedIn faux pas???
You poor dear!
I think you might be trying to connected with people who aren't of your same ilk. You make too many screw-ups that offend them; and it's beginning to seem as if they must have a [use] for you, or they'd otherwise have nothing really to do with you.
Personally, I wouldn't go beneath my dignity groveling to a bunch of snobs that see fault in almost everything I do!!!
If you have to tiptoe around them, or sit on pins and needles; I'd say these people aren't friends (perhaps they don't really want to be); but they're some "clique" you're killing yourself to ingratiate or initiate yourself into.
I've been witness to something like this before. You just keep tripping over your own feet; and waiting for forgiveness. They sit like a panel of judges deciding if you're worthy. STOP IT! Just cut it out!!!
My dear, these people aren't your kind of people; or you wouldn't so easily offend them, or wouldn't make so many mistakes that rise to the level that they don't even want to deal with you. Then you sit there worried; and agonizing over when they'll contact you again.
Something here isn't right, and you're not telling the whole story. We're not getting their side of this.
You keep leaving out the details of what it is you've done that offend them so badly. You didn't really offer any explicable details on the LinkedIn fiasco either.
Apparently, you didn't take our advice the last-time. You're still trying to be a part of their clique! My guess is, they'll keep finding fault and freezing you out; until you finally get the message. They don't want you in their group anymore!
You don't fit, and it's not because you're unworthy; it's because they're a gaggle of snobs! You feel you have to prove something to them, or kiss-up to them; but instead, you windup making a fool of yourself.
Girlfriend, where's your dignity? Drop them and move on! They're literally snubbing you! For some reason you feel compelled to stick with these people. Well, they've got an excuse to exclude you for the moment.
See you next post! They'll surely find something else to freeze you out about!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Cindy
Yes you're correct
I feel so bad it's really upsetting
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 September 2020):
 I had thought too that this could be about the Linkedln episode-but it's not.The question arises, then, is this offended friend(s) the same person, or group of persons, involved in the Linkedln episode ?...If they are, even more you'd better leave them totally alone, and leave the ball in their court .You may have had the best of intentions, but two " mistakes " in a short time- I understand how they would be quite annoyed.
OTH, if it's a fall out with another person / persons... it sounds like you have a touch of " foot-in-mouth syndrome"...maybe you need to be less impulsive ? And think more before you speak / act ? You meant well , sure..... but the road to hell is paved with good intentions...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2020): You didn't explain what you did, so how can anyone gauge whether a delayed-response is unreasonable?
I will tell you this. If they know you're stewing on it, that's part of their satisfaction. They're punishing you, and they told you that they'd catch up soon. When you've offended or have hurt someone; the ball is in their court to decide when it is time to forgive you and move on.
Depending on the seriousness of your infraction; that may depend on how long it will take for them to feel like even dealing with you. You don't get to rush things to your own advantage; or to ease your own conscience.
You are dying for the opportunity to plead your case, and excuse yourself. Well, this is their way of letting you know what happens if you don't stop and think before you say or execute something that leads to offending someone.
You should have tried a face-to-face apology over sending one by social media. The sincerity is questionable, and it makes you appear cowardly when you can't face the music and get what's coming to you. So now, you await your final verdict. The jury is out!
The best and most sincere of apologies, are those made when you can actually face the one who deserves it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all x
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (14 September 2020):
 I think you have got be a bit more light hearted about all this.
You sent an apologetic text, you got a response saying we will catch up soon which is fair enough.
We will catch up soon does not always mean they send the text hoping to catch up that afternoon. Catch up soon could be next week, next month, or next year. You got a reply, just leave it at that now and just see what transpires.
Don't hold to much attachment to people reply's, you sent an apologetic text, and you received a reply.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 September 2020):
You °are° impatient.. almost a bit compulsive.
No, you do not need to clear the air " properly ". You did it already : you did something that displeased your friends, and you realized it. So, you apologised via Whatsapp. You told them you felt awful , and your apology was quite long.
That's enough. More than enough. Haven't you thought that maybe your friend(s)'s answer was a bit dry, not very effusive... precisely because they DON'T WANT you to go on and on about the same boring issue ? That they don't want and don't need any emotional , gushy " heart-to-heart " about some banal misunderstanding for which you already apologized profusely ?...
They said they'll catch up soon. That was last Sunday, so it's just about a week you don't hear from this people - it is still "soon ", particularly if we are talking about working people with a busy life etc.
I doubt these people got so insulted and so offended by your faux pas , to want to cancel you from their life. They could have ghosted you, if they wanted to do that.
So I guess they'll get in touch whenever they are good and ready . Maybe you are already not really close friends ? more like social acquaintances ? and you normally would not trip over each other to organize a get together, or to answer each other's messages ?....
Anyway : don't stalk these friends. If they care about staying friends, they 'll do what they say, i.e. catch up within a reasonable time. And if they don't care about being friends...if they lied but actually don't want to stay friends .... so be it. You can't shove your friendship down the throat of people who rejects it; anyway ,you don't need as " friends " people who cannott forgive a well meaning mistake, cannot accept your apologies... and cannot actually bother to keep the friendship going without making you chase after them !
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo nothing to do with LinkedIn
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 September 2020):
 Is that the same friends about the LinkedIn faux pas?
You don't need to clear the air, they know you apologized and they are moving on from that.
If they want nothing further to do with you, that is their loss. Or perhaps they ARE just busy with life and don't want to spend the time soothing your feelings.
Are these people even what you would really call friends?
...............................
A
female
reader, AnnaGreen +, writes (14 September 2020):
 Your friend may not see this your way. Maybe your friend thinks but you meant it then, it is easy to say sorry after simply because you do not want to lose their friendship rather than because you really are sorry.
Concentrate on your family, other friends and work in the meantime. There is no rush for this. And they are entitled to give it as much thought as they want to.
Trying to rush them is not nice and may well backfire on you, they may feel offended by being pressurised.
If they decide that the friendship is over (some would say yes thanks for the apology that is fine) and then ignore you or avoid you most of the time, so go by their actions not their words).. that is their choice. Then learn from it so that you never hurt someone like that again.
...............................
|
