A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m concerned about my friend. She met a man online. I think it was on Facebook. They have met 3 times, he lives far from her so she travels to see him. He is unemployed apparently. He does ask her for money. I found out she does give it to him. My concern is I think he’s a con. She feels he’s not since they have met 3 times. If something costs 100, he will say 200 and he does this a lot. I asked her what does he need the 200 for she will say good and stuff. This guy smokes weed everyday and probably supports some women on the side. Every pic she has shown me he’s smoking weed. Their going on a trip soon and he told her his visa is 1800.00 lol. I did my research and it’s maybe 500.00. Plus she paid for his flight. How can I get her to realize she shouldn’t have to pay for love. Just cause he’s charming who cares !! Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2019): Just tell her that if he loved or cared for her then he would feel embarrassed to accept her money.
He’s nothing but a parasite and I think a lot of men are becoming like this nowadays.
Ask her could she accept this from a man without feeling slightly embarrassed especially if she hardly knew him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2019): This is awful and is clearly a scam this guy is literally using her to the max. This is wrong you have got to stop her she's not thinking straight. Take her out somewhere to meet a decent honest man. Keep taking her out until she does and forgets this guy
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A
female
reader, KeW  +, writes (27 December 2019):
 Hi OP,It’s great that you’re looking out for your friend, but she’s a grown adult and needs to make her own mistakes. We do agree with you that he sounds like he’s just using her, but there isn’t much you can do without her digging her heels in and blaming you, the messenger.Perhaps go out for coffee and say you’re worried about her. Tell her that you think that, if he’s genuinely interested in her, he’d stop asking her for money and he’d be sharing the visits too. I’d just calmly recommend to her that she test his interest by refusing to give him money or visit until he gets a job to pay for himself and splits the visits. Politely encourage her that, if there really is no problem, he won’t hesitate to stop asking for money and come visit her himself.She has rose-tinted glasses on, so shattering that illusion may just make her angry with you. She’ll probably fight you on it because she knows something isn’t right, but feels safer living in denial about it. Are you prepared for that?Good luck, OP.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 December 2019):
 It does sound like a scam.
Have you asked her HOW on Earth they will ever manage being together if 1. he doesn't work and 2. has no way of entering the country on a visa HE paid for?
Have you tried to explain that SHE isn't responsible for taking care of this guy? Financially or otherwise?
And if I were you I'd look up dating scam + the country he is from and see what pops then show her the links. IF she gets upset and tell you that HE loves her and it isn't a scam, then suggest she stop giving him money. Because if it's ALL about love, she shouldn't have to give him a dime, right?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 December 2019):
 Sounds very suspicious and it is good of you to try to look out for your friend. However, assuming she is an adult and of "sound mind", there is nothing you can actually do bar raising red flags and hoping she eventually realizes what is happening here.
If the guy can afford to smoke weed every day, he can afford food (assuming the "good and stuff" was a typo). It's just that he knows she is more likely to give him money for food than for weed. Just because she has met him 3 times does not make him any less a con artist. Of course he is charming; that's how he earns his money. If she suddenly stopped giving him money, I bet the mask would drop quickly enough.
It's sad your friend thinks this is all she is worth. Perhaps, as her friend, you could try building up her confidence so she eventually realizes she doesn't have to pay for a man's attention. Short of that, all you can do is be the good friend you are and hope she comes to her senses before he has stripped her of too much money.
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