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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello aunts and uncles and happy holidays! I have a question and trying to figure out if I’m over reacting. My boyfriend of 10 months was supposed to spend the Christmas afternoon with me, I’m 37 and he is 45. He was invited to his friend’s party at lunch and supposed to leave at 4. He texted me at 2 pm telling me that they are insisting that he stays longer and he will meet me at evenings. I asked him to text me when he leaves and here is 7pm and no word. I won’t check with him as I’m disappointed but now I assume he won’t be here earlier that 8pm, if not later. I feel embarrassed in front of my parents as we supposed to have dinner together. Same thing with my birthday, he met me at 9pm in a coffee shop as he was at a family gathering that he couldn’t escape which I understood. Is he inconsiderate or I’m over reacting?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2019): He’s inconsiderate.
Are there any redeeming qualities about him? He likely won’t change, even if you have a talk with him. It’s actually really not hard to keep a promise about meeting you at a specific time for special occasions such as birthdays and Christmas, so there’s no excuse for his behavior except he doesn’t respect you/prioritize you. It’s that simple. And likely he won’t change because he’s already decided that this is how he sees you and the relationship.
Unless he has some other amazing redeeming quality/qualities, I wouldn’t bother with him anymore. He’s messing up with such a basic aspect of relationships...
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 December 2019):
 Yes, he is inconsiderate, and also incapable of putting himself in your shoes. An empathetic person would understand him attending dinner with your parents is important. He is also, very effectively, showing you exactly where you sit on his list of priorities and its not really that close to the top of the list.
I think you need to ask him where you fit in his life and how important your feelings are to him.
I don't think he will answer truthfully to be honest, he might murmur some meaningless platitudes designed to shut you up. If he is a late show tonight I'd consider chucking this fish back and trying again. He just doesn't seem to care, does he?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (27 December 2019):
Yes, he is inconsiderate, and also incapable of putting himself in your shoes. An empathetic person would understand him attending dinner with your parents is important. He is also, very effectively, showing you exactly where you sit on his list of priorities and its not really that close to the top of the list.
I think you need to ask him where you fit in his life and how important your feelings are to him.
I don't think he will answer truthfully to be honest, he might murmur some meaningless platitudes designed to shut you up. If he is a late show tonight I'd consider chucking this fish back and trying again. He just doesn't seem to care, does he?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2019): No you're not over-reacting.
He is an inconsiderate, not to mention immature loser who sounds like he should be single.
He is a grown ass man as somebody else said. My guess is that the beer was flowing and he decided 'to heck with it let's get smashed'.
I think you need somebody more interested in your feelings. Somebody who can stick to his promises and make you feel special on your birthday at least. This man doesn't sound like any kind of catch.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2019): Perhaps you could question why he is going out with someone so much younger than him . It’s likely a sign of his immaturity that he can’t handle a woman his own age . Men often gravitate towards younger women because they are scared of women their own age and the assertiveness and maturity they bring . Not saying you are not assertive but men can often have the misconception that dating someone considerable younger gives them the upper hand so it can be a give away when an olde flan looks for a younger woman
This guy defiantly sounds immature .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 December 2019):
 Is he inconsiderate?
Yes, but more so selfish. He RATHER do whatever HE wants to do then stick to the plan he has with you. Or he double plans because he isn't good at telling someone no, including you. He shouldn't have said yes to seeing you for your birthday if he had a family thing he knew he couldn't really get out of early. Even though, unless he was at a weeding or funeral, I can't see why he couldn't have left early, he is a GROWN ASS man.
He could have told his friends, I have already made plans with my GF to meet up at XX o'clock so I'll have to head out in time to be there.
Don't be embarrassed in front of your parents, YOU didn't show up late nor can you control what he does.
I would have a talk with him (and no, not tonight) but talk to him about plans and how disappointing it was when you weren't a priority for him.
Thing more than likely won't change over time. He is after all 45, so probably used to doing things HIS way. Something to consider.
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