A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 14, almost 15. I'm very close to my cousins, and I often go to their house and spend the night. I usually stay in the same room with 2 of them cause theirs not enough space. In the beginning of this year, one cousin thats my age started touching me when I went to sleep. First it was just my lowerback, and I thought I might be dreaming. Then he started touching my chest. I pretended to be asleep. I know that wasn't smart, but I was hoping he'd just finish and leave me alone and I could avoid anymore awkwardness. But he kept doing it everytime I came to visit. Sometimes he'll try to rub me through my clothes, or he'll try to pull down my pants. Once I woke up and he was on top of me 'rubbing himself' against me. When I try and get up or make any slight movement he immediately stops and acts innocent. Ive tried sleeping in another room, but he came into that room. And now when I visit i cross my arms over my chest and twist my legs when I go to sleep, but when I wake up their untwisted. It's been awhile since I've stayed over, but I'm still worried about the next time.So basically, I don't know what to do. I can't imagine myself telling any family members because it would just be SOOO soo weird. And I don't know what would happen if i do tell them. Things would change.And things around my cousin are just weird. It seems like he's always trying to be around me, or sit next to me. It's probably my imagination, but I think I'd go crazy if I have to be around him the rest of my life. He's my cousin, and I care about him. But I just can't believe he'd do something like this.So what should I do? Any advice would be really great.
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male
reader, Boltsfd51 +, writes (15 October 2010):
Tell him to get a girlfriend. Explain to him that you feel uncomfortable on him touching you .
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): What you should do is talk to him and explain to him the truth. Tell him to stop doing that what he is doing. Tell him in a nice way. Tell him to find a girlfriend or something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to the person below me:
Well its been about 3 years since i posted this, so let me tell you how it worked out for me.
My family is really close, and I didnt want to ruin it.
So I just pretended to be asleep. I thought that maybe if I pretended I didnt know what was happening, I could go on like everything was normal. I did this everytime he touched me. Its been awhile since Ive slept over at his house now, so I havent had to deal with it in awhile.
I thought I could keep this a secret and still be okay, and in a way I was. But things eat at you as time goes on. You may not notice it now but you will later.
I thought I was being strong by not doing anything about it; like I was protecting my family at my expense. BUT DO NOT DO THAT. YOUR NOT HELPING ANYBODY. i HATE myself for not doing anything about it. i hate myself for not being strong enough to face up to the situation and protect myself.
it made my life a lot harder, and it made me feel alone and angry. i cry almost every week just out of sheer frustration. i let this thing change my life, and it truly makes me feel ashamed sometimes. it is so hard to let it go.
i told my mom recently, because i just couldnt take it anymore. but it really didnt make a difference. at least shes here to support me now. but, really,
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER SOONER.
so in conclusion:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, either beat the CRAP out of him, or at least call him out if he does that to you again,
or TELL SOMEONE. Hell, you should do both!
it makes SUCH a huge difference, knowing that you have someone there for you. it helps SO much.
most importantly DO. IT. SOON. do NOT wait. the sooner you do it, the less it will affect you. i guarantee that if you do not do something soon it will just get harder and harder.
it can ruin your life. it hasnt ruined mine, but its made it so much harder. i just dont feel like a normal person anymore. im afraid of everything now.
PLEASE tell someone about this. and talk to me! i want to help you. i want you to know that your not alone, and you didnt deserve this, and you DO have the right to defend yourself!
good luck! let me know how it goes 3
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I am in shock , today in the morning at 7 oclock my cousin with whom i live, and have to live for more 4 years, touched me while i was asleep, i heard the steps but pretended to be seeping, cause i thought he came to wake me up cause we both go to same university, he pulled the thingy u put when u sleep,and i was only in ma pants, he started to push with his finger to my ass, then with finger he pushed right to my vagina, i was about to cry, then he again pulled back, then again pulled up and again was touching my ass,i couldnt take it anymore and just pretended to be awake, then he went to his room, im 17 he is 16, pretty mature,
and he alwasy hugs me kisses me, and in the hall he sometimes dont give space to go through, like blocks the way,
i cant study i cant talk with ppl, im depressed, and i have to live see him every day, we cant be in other flat cause its gonna be too expensive,
shoudl tell my mom?
i just cant get through this, cant move on...im lost
evey time i see him , i remmeber this, .....plz help me
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A
female
reader, sammiiii-san  +, writes (2 July 2010):
urrm... well i kinda had the same thing when i was about 7 or 8 i think.
my cousin was over my house cause it was holiday and he was like 14 or 15.
when everyone was outside doing stuff, he put me on the bed and made me touch his thing if u know what i mean. he then was feeling mine... it makes me cry when i think about it cause i didnt know what was going on. i dont want to tell anyone and the same thing happened to my 2 little sisters cause i told them about it and they said that he did it to them to. creepy really... anyways, we talk like normal when he still visits- hes 19 now and i'm 15. i try to forget it but it pops into my mind whenever i hear his name or when i see him. ow well i guess, it was ages ago even i it wasnt a normal thing to do...
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey again,
wow its been awhile and i didnt think anyone else would post any answers.
but heres the rest of the story, if anyones interested.
so i did go back a few weeks ago, and yeah, he did continue.
i was still too afraid to say anything. but i managed to tell him to stop after a while.
he did, but it was only for about 10 minutes, and then he continued. i told him again to stop, and he did.
i didnt say it forcefully though, as far as i know he probably thought i was sleeptalking.
i started become really stressed out about this situation, and in a way still am. i dont feel like myself. i seem to feel more frustrated, sad, confused and mostly isolated all the time.
so i decided maybe it would be a good idea to talk to a conselor. she seems to be very nice.
shes encouraging me to confront him about this, or at least tell my mom.
but i honestly dont think i can. i just dont feel strong enough. i cant picture it ever happening, i dont know what id say to him. it was difficult enough telling a conselor. i didnt even tell her the entire truth (about where he touched me).
the only reason i told a conselor is because i want to feel normal again. everything has been changing lately, and it doesn't help that im not feeling like myself. im hoping that if i keep talking to my conselor and get this issue sorted out, it'll be back to the way it was before all this happened. well, not exactly, but you know what i mean.
i know nothing can be the same with my cousin again. we ll never have the same relationship. theirs no running, no hiding from what happened. i cant just forget about it. i just have to learn to live with it.
but what if i cant?
thats the only things thats bothering me now. sorry, i started ranting.
my problem is nothing compared to what others have to go through each day, but for some reason i cant stop thinking about it.
thanks for all the comments and advice everyone!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): Since you have waited so long your cousin must have thought about and most likely stopped what he was doing! This is a common situation and it usually stops after the boy gets older.
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female
reader, kayla_layla  +, writes (23 September 2008):
the reason I come across this post is because I typed into google, "Is it possible to feel someone touching you when you are asleep?". The reason I ask this question to google is because last month i woke up at around 4 because I felt a tingly sensation in my lower area. I found that my bedsheets were lifted up to my stomach and I was scared that there was a bug or something so I tried to bat away what was touching me. Then I came to realzation and looked at the floor and said out loud "What the HEll?" I saw someone on the floor and I panicked. I thought it was my mom and I thought she had fainted. Everything happened so quickly. Soon i regestried. It was my brother. And he was naked. It was dark, but I could see that he was wearing no clothing. I heard my cat's bell. And I heard him play it off as him looking for the cat in my room. Then I saw him get up and leave my room. It all happened in a matter of seconds. I was too scared to move, to do anything. I layed still for 20 mins and I heard my brother leave the house. I looked at my phone and put an alarm on to wake me up in case I fell asleep again. My dad would be up at 5 and I knew I would be safe then. This experience is a horrible one. I felt so disgusting and confused. I didn't know what had happened. I lay awake for an hour trying to figure out some excuse, Why had I woken up, had it been the touching or my cats annoying bell? For days afterward I ignored my brother. I didnt talk to him, I didnt make it down to dinner, I didnt speak to him. I havent to this day had a full conversation with him since that incident. I do not consider him a brother. He is nothing to me. An incident like this also happend a year ago, I felt someone touching my face while I had my eyes closed about to fall asleep but not quite there yet. Nothing happened, because while faking sleep I kept shifting around. But at that time I also set an alarm to wake me up every hour, so that I could prevent anything from happening. This makes me wonder, how long has this been happening without me being aware? Recently I took some precautions, I set up obstcales in my room so that if he walked in in the night he would walk into them and make a rucous. Ofcourse I couldnt make it too obvious to what I was doing because I live with my parents. So i decided to put a lock on my door. But in doing so I feel bad because it keeps my dad out in the morning when he wants to give me a kiss bye. and this breaks my heart cuz he has no idea. So i set my alarm at 5 am every morning to wake up before he comes to my room to unlock my door. Which ultimatly leaves me tired for a long day at school, since it is almost like I didnt have a full nighhts rest, but just two long naps.(interupted sleep isnt healthy). I have a couple more things to say. When we were younger, my brother used to ask me. Do you want to play a game, you have to take off all of your clothes. I have no idea how long this went on for. I don't know. I do know that he sexually molested me and I have never told anyone. I have very few memories of it, I was very young, but I do not know the precise age. I have held this to my self for years. I am 18 now and it haunts me. I believe this is why Im scared to go to the next step with boyfriends, and why Im shy, and not confident in myself. I beg you to take precautions to keep yourself safe. It is not in your head. I urge you to speak to someone about it. I know how difficult it can be. I have never spoken to anyone about it and i intend to take it to my grave. This path for me may not be ideal. I do intend at one point when I can afford it to speak to a psychatrist about it because I know i need help. I am 18 years old now my brother is three years older than me. He is 21 right now. So don't you dare let anyone say that your cousin is going through his 'horney period'. If it happened once it can happen again and again and again. Your cousin needs help. If my brother has children one day I don't know what I will do. I want to sever ties with him, but I dont want to have his children go through what I went through. And if i believe there is any incestation going on at all. I will come forward and I will take action. But right now, right now, I don't know what to do.You just have to know that none of this is your fault and there are many people out there going through the same situations. In the end it all comes down to what you feel comfortable doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow I didn't expect to get so many answers!Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice, it really helped. I've been avoiding staying at his house for a while now, hopefully giving him some time to think about if he really wants to keep doing this. But I will probably stay over sometime this month, and I'll try and update again.I don't have many concerns now, just that our relationship has totally changed. I don't think I'll be able to see him in the same way anymore :\I'm not afraid that if I have to confront him, he'll continue. I'm pretty sure he won't. Thanks again :] !!!
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female
reader, go321 +, writes (2 August 2008):
I agree that you should talk the test first and if that doesn't work talk to him! Don't tell anyone like close friends or parents unless the test fails. So be patient and wait until the next time you visit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): The people that push you to tell other people are too hasty to solving this problem, after all it’s never too late to tell. The problem is that your cousin is touching you in your sleep right? And you’re worried about next time you stay over.
There really is nothing to worry about. It is easier and much more effective that you talk to him in person than to other people (and you really shouldn't tell other people anyways because it is a terrible way to solve this problem and it doesn't do any good). So you really should wait and have patience until the next time that you visit to talk to him about it. But before that ask yourself these questions.
HOW do you know that he is going to touch you again?
COULD it be that you are really worried about nothing?
These questions could be easily be answered by the Test advice written by someone else below. So before you talk to him use the test advice.
Since you should be waiting and have patience until next time, it is best not to tell anyone because it REALLY doesn’t help. It doesn't benefit anyone including you.
The ONLY REASON that you should tell ANY PERSON is because your cousin CONTINUES TO MOLEST when you go visit and he STILL does AFTER you TALKED to him. Which would NEVE R HAPPEN. So why do it FIRST?
All the people here agreed that you should talk to your cousin before you tell. Many people agree that you should use the test before you talk to him. It is a priority method!
1. Test
2. Talk to your cousin (ALWAYS WORKS)
3. Tell other people
Each method has almost over 90% success rate so do the math! There is almost no chance that number 2 (Talking) could fail THEN with Number 1’s (TEST) Success rate before that. SEE THE REASON WHY YOU SHOULD TELL OTHERS LAST or MAYBE NEVER!
Who knows, if the test succeeds then you can avoid ALL the embarrassment of telling ANYONE EVER. Because then you have NOTHING to worry about the next time you go visit your cousin. This is what makes it the first and best priority
If you are forced to talk to your cousin then it might be awkward for ONLY the both of you. But will work guaranteed.
BUT if you tell other people it is awkward for everyone so it is the last and worst priority because if the alarming number of negative consequences for everyone in your family including you. Then things will change and NEVER be back to normal and there would be awkwardness everywhere and every time.
You said that you are going to start with a close friend first then tell your parents. You are jumping WAY ahead of yourself. This is the THRID, LAST, AND WOREST thing you CAN do! The SECOND priority is talk to him, which NEVER FAILS, GUARENTEED. THEN there is the test before that which would even take away the need from talking to him and even avoid the least awkwardness possible.
Confiding in close friends or family is what you should do when you are desperately worried and have no other option (there are 2). But there might not even be the need to talk to your cousin because of the test. So you should really keep it to yourself and have patience until the next time you visit (it’s never too late to tell). I know that would be hard to do but it could benefit you in many ways later if the test succeeds (you could bring that up when you talk to him, if the test fails, and he will surely be thankful). Then if the test fails and you are not ready to talk to your cousin you could wait and talk to friends for comfort and courage to confront him.
All these ways could get rid of your worries SO USE THEM IN ORDER!!! AND YOU WOULD GET THE BEST RESULTS POSSIBLE!
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A
male
reader, 1875684 +, writes (31 July 2008):
I strongly suggest that you give yourself and your cousin a chance by using the test to see if he changed. Also better not tell anyone until you finished with the test because there is big chance that everything is back to normal.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): the test sounds great. If he continues talk to him. If he stopped then problem is solved. Much easier and smarter to do the test then to tell the parents.
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female
reader, ProblemResolver +, writes (29 July 2008):
The test is BRILLIANT. Your goal is only to make him stop! Remember that! I have had some experience with this kind of problem. The best thing You should do is GIVE HIM A CHANCE. The TEST will make sure that he does stop and make it easier for you so that you don't need to tell the parents. He is your cousin after all and he is at "that age" and he might already regret it. So you should give the TEST a try (I strongly suggest it).Give Him a chance!Telling Parents SHOULD BE THE LAST RESORT or things get ugly and complicated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): The simplest and least embarrassing way is that the next time you go sleep at his house do a test. From the looks of what he done to you it could have easily wake you up. The first way is that if he wakes you up DO NOT PRETEND THAT YOU ARE ASLEEP, instead catch him in the act(If he goes further than touching and, it will surly wake you up, then scream and let everyone in the house know). He would not have any excuses for what he did. If he only touches you then wake up and tell him that you would talk to him about it tomorrow. This will make him think about what he has done for a whole night in cold sweat and let him imagine the consequences if other people knew. The next day he would beg for your forgiveness and stop what he was doing, chances are that he would never even THINK about doing it again.
OR The second way(and easiest way!)if the next time you go sleep at his house and he doesn't do anything then (it would be a lot easier but its is uncommon). This means that he thought about what he did to you over and over again and recognized it as a terrible thing. He has turned over a new leaf and will probably never do it again. This is the best result, it would avoid any awkwardness and embarrassment for anyone. Then everyone would be happy. He would help himself out. You would achieve your result to stop him without doing anything that is embarrassing or awkward for you. Such telling your parents which would extremely hard for you or felling guilty about if you ruined the family relationship and cousin if you told.
The first result is the most likely one and it should work very well after a night of cold sweat, worry, and guilt for your cousin. He would not DARE do it again.
The second result is the best and easiest for everyone, you would not have to do anything about your cousin and it would stop. This result works very well and you will avoid the awkwardness of telling your cousin or anyone else. This means that your cousin have grown out of his "Horny Period" and you will never have to worry about him again. This proves that your cousin have matured a lot since the last time he touched you. Which is because that he thought of what he did to you and figured out that it was a huge mistake all by him self without any outside influences. So you could pretend not to know what your cousin did to you and everything will be the same for everyone! Both ways works like wonder with the least awkwardness and embarrassment for both of you and your families. I do not think that your cousin will EVER continue after the first result when you told him to stop, no normal boys are like that, BUT if he does then he is crazy and you need to tell EVERYONE you know to stop him.
PS. Best to stay alert when you are asleep or pick one or two nights to just stay awake!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Tell your cousin to about it, tell him that you know about what he has done to you. This would be enough to make him SOOO embarrassed and awkward that he would stop immediately. What he has done is terrible. If you settle this privately then there would not be any need to inform the parents of both family and save the embarrassment and the troubles for everyone if the family knew. If the parents of you and your cousin knew about this, it would destroy their relationship. The family would be torn apart and your cousin will be ruined for life, this would impact you both greatly and no one would be happy or gain anything. I hope that you could find mercy and forgiveness in your heart to just talk to him. If you tell him privately he would be thankful that you have decided to settle this without involving anyone else and that would make him thankful for the rest of his life. The shock alone would force him realize the consequences of what he has done and he would ask for your forgiveness and never do it again. The fact is that boys at the age of 14-15 are so sexual it clouds their better judgment the shock would clear. The embarrassment and consequences would be enough to keep him away from you. Both of you are old enough to understand what might happen if he continues or if the parents knew about it. So then it would be wise and mature to just resolve it between the two of you so it doesn't ruin both of your reputation. I guarantee that he would never even think about doing something like this ever again! IF you told the parents about your cousin just to make your cousin stop, taking to him privately would achieve the same or even better results. After you have settled this you two could still go on with your lives and no one would get hurt. He would be thankful for the rest of his life for the kindness that you showed him through this act. The next time you go to his house he would probably fight to the death just to make sure that you and him sleep in different rooms to avoid you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): aw, baby, you should tell someone, even if it seems hard, you should do it! How DARE he touch you! If you want, you can ait untill you feel completely comfortable with yourself to tell someone. -But personally, I would let someone know ASAP! Something like this is dangerous, and the only way for it to stop, is if you let someone know. Ireally do not want you to continue to suffer like this.
I hope this helped, at least somewhat. God bless. :]
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female
reader, cute without the e  +, writes (17 July 2008):
 As akward as it may be to confide in someone about your cousin's behaviour - it would be in your best interest. I have heard a similar story to yours when I was in highschool, one of my then friends and her cousin were getting too close for comfort in my opinion... and she didn't feel comfortable doing those sort of things, but she did.You should not be feeling uneasy or uncomfortable when it comes to your cousin. He should know flat out that it is wrong to be coming on to his female cousin. It doens't matter if they are going through their "horny" stages whatsoever. None of my cousin's have ever come on to me and if they had done, we wouldn't have the sort of r.ship we do today. I just would not be able to attend family gatherings, birthday, christmas's or anything like that because I would have been too embarrassed.You don't deserve to be harassed by your cousin hun. You SHOULD confide in a close relative, or even tell him straight out to leave you alone!The other option is not go there for sleepovers... whichever or whatever you do, I hope it works out for your benefit.x
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male
reader, asdasdsadas +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Tell him to STOP.
This is VERY inappropriate, even if he is erotically charged!
If he carries on, tell an adult/guardian someone which you trust.
It'll feel a lot better getting it of your chest.(trust me)
Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): oh missy, well 1st know, you aren't the only person this has happened too.lol all across the globe this is happening, and when ya get older you will understand why. Boys at the age of 14 are MASSIVELY horny, so horny in fact their judgement gets clouded to the extent they are even willing to touch their cousins. Hmm, my advice...well I would suggest to keep the relationship good and not destroy his reputation throughout the entire family, simply tell him to stop. Trust me it's better to deal with this on your own, than let an adult slander his name. But then again, I am just looking at this objectively. By confronting him you would instill trust in the relationship. And from there on out you would know if there is anyone who can hold onto a secret, it would be that family member.Another reason to confront him, is imagine how the relationship would be after the whole family knows what he tried to do, when, at his age it's understandable why he would do that. It isn't right by far, but being a guy and remember how damn horny I got at that age, I can understand his frustration lol.Remember, at his age, he is just another stupid horny willing to get it any way he can teen.Just try to confront him about it, just say tell him to stop, and I can guarantee you it will lol. I see no need to involve anyone, you are a big girl, so handle this on your own.NOW, if he continues, then that's when you should confront an adult. All of these readers are saying he is molesting you, come on, the kid is 14 or 15, either way that kid is going strictly by hormones. His body wants to feel a girls body, and when he;s sleeping next to one, it's understandable he would want to cop a feel. But, ya need to remind him that's not right and to stop.Everything will be ok, just tell him to stop. I'm quite sure he will love you even MORE by instilling trust into him. By confronting him, you are letting him know that he does mean a lot to you, and that you don't wish for things to end up badly.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): OP....firstly, you sound like an intelligent, rational young woman. Do not think for one second that this is your fault, or that you have in any way solicited it. Your cousin is molesting you and that is a crime, a serious one at that. For him to be doing this means that there is some underlying mental problem/issue with him and for his safety and your own, you MUST tell someone in authority. If you do not want to tell your family, then speak to a trusted adult, a teacher, a doctor priest, rabbi etc. Good luck hun!
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male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (13 July 2008):
 Unfortunately this is one of those bulls you are going to have to take by the horns.
You need to confront him about it and tell him you know what he has been doing and it must stop NOW!
He is molesting you and he has no right to do that.
You MUST let him know that you will tell someone if this does not stop.
You can also tell him if you like that if he doesn't do it again there will be no worry about someone finding out.
This may serve to make this situation less awkward for the both of you.
If it does continue though, you MUST tell someone.
Yes it will change the relationship between you but it will not be your fault, so don't try to blame yourself for this.
His horemones are running rampant at this age and I am sure he is just taking advantage of the situation.
I do think if he knows that this behavior will not be tolerated he will stop. Doc
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much everyone for the advice. It would be really hard telling my parents. But I'm gonna have to try. I might start out by telling a close friend first. I'll update if anything happens
thanks again :]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): stop sleeping over at your cousins place. I understand that u feel weird about telling it. anyway, avoid it! do whatever to MAKE IT STOP!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 July 2008):
 First realize this isn't your fault, and you don't deserve at any time to be violated.
Since you won't tell anyone, it's going to be up to you. You need to stand up for yourself. You have absolute right over your body and what you allow to happen and do not. I'm not saying you're accepting this behavior. I'm only stating you have a choice.
You'll have to confront the situation. I'd, when he's sitting next to you and your talking say "by the way, what you try to do while I'm sleeping, stops now, agreed? glad we had this chat." then get up and walk to a different area.
This will shock him, but the only reason he's continuing is because he believes he's getting away with it. When he knows he's not, and it's not wanted, he'll stop. If not, I urge you to tell someone.
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female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (13 July 2008):
 You really really have to tell someone about this behavior. Tell both your aunt and uncle and your parents. This is a serious thing that is bothering you and it's affecting you gravely. I know this sounds weird to do but it's for YOUR benefit and you should care more about this than anything else.
Please act fast on this before anything happens in the future that will scar you. Please think of your benefit and whenever something that is unconfortable happens in your life, resort to tell someone with authority right away.
I would really like it if you gave us a follow up.
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female
reader, kurlyq2121 +, writes (13 July 2008):
 well as weird as it would be, I would tell your parents. It's the best thing to do.
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female
reader, LoveWhitneyHate +, writes (13 July 2008):
 I strongly suggest you tell an adult about what is going on because you can not live your life in fear everytime you go to your cousin's house.He seems to act as if he loves you or wants to have sex with you.He is harassing you while you try to sleep.Please tell your parents what is going on because an innocent giel like you doesn't deserve to be touched anywhere you do not approve a person to do.You never know if one day he might try and rape you.Please don't take those chances.Hope my advice helps.
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