A
female
age
22-25,
*nonymouse256
writes:im a 13 year old girl and i need help!!me and my boyfriend both want to have sex but we dont know if we should. We have talked about it before but we cant decide. we have seen eah other naked before and we have fooled around naked a lot. but we dont know where we can gt condoms and i dont know what to do if i get pregnant?! please help im so confused!!
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female
reader, Marie-Jane  +, writes (9 August 2016):
 First and foremost, you are only 13. This means that, legally, you are under the age of consent. The law is enforced with good reason so, it would be wise to respect this and wait until you are at least 16. Secondly, as you're only 13, your mind and body are going through a lot of changes and, although you may think you know yourself and your body right now, things change. Not to say that you don't know yourself, but at this age you are entering the in-between stage of childhood and adulthood and this can be a very confusing time. (We all go through it, you're not alone.) In the meantime, the best thing you can do is educate yourself as much as you can about sex, ask lots of questions (either at school, any adult you feel comfortable asking, the doctors might even be able to help) the importance of and how to forge a positive and healthy relationship (that doesn't involve connecting with someone on a physical level. As your body is still developing, and you’re not old enough to start using other contraception methods.As you’re too young to start using the pill or any other method (unless specified by the doctor) this is also a sign that you're not ready for sex. Introducing the physical side to a relationship is a serious thing and should be thoroughly thought about and prepared for. Knowledge is power. Also, there are other health elements which need to be considered once you start having sex. It's not just getting pregnant that you are at risk of but, as a couple and an individual, you will both need to consider your safety against contracting sexually transmitted infections, which will incur regular checkups at the sexual health clinic as well as (when you're old enough) a routine smear test. You have to be responsible for your own safety. All these things that you have to factor in are too much for a 13-year-old to think about. Enjoy your youth and worry about doing adult things when you're a fully-fledged adult... (or at least 18). These things shouldn't put you off having sex, but raise awareness to the things that need to be considered beforehand. (Over time it'll just come naturally-pardon the pun :P) My advice is to try and focus on developing your self-awareness, enjoy being a teenager, enjoy being in a romantic innocent relatiionship.Focus on becoming more an educated, confident young woman, who will one day will be able to have sex with no queries and qualms. Know the law, know yourself and, when the time comes, you'll be able to have fun without the worry.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (9 August 2016):
This may help.
Raising a child from birth to 18 (no college) costs roughly $250,000 US. If you have that much saved, then you are ok having sex risking pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2016): Hey hun, I hope you read this.
I am a 24 year old woman but it wasn't that long ago I was 13 and in your situation.
I had a boyfriend and we really wanted to try and have sex (because we wanted to see what it was like). We didn't have access to condoms and we had unprotected sex.
It hurts. It isn't pleasurable at all the first few times. It was awkward. It was all over in a matter of a couple of minutes and I regretted it. I did not fall pregnant thank god and I didn't contract and STD however...
At 16 I was in a more serious relationship with a 21 year old man and we didn't use protection (I thought i was invincible) and guess what? I contracted chlamydia from him and fell pregnant a month after I turned 16.
My daughter is 7 years old now and while I don't regret having her I want you to be made aware of the risks of sex. You're really far too young to be having sex. I know you probably will go ahead and have sex anyway (as i did) but please make sure you use contraception or get the pill or something.
Good luck love x
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (7 August 2016):
 True story...and I live in Australia. In short : A boy 14 and a girl 13 were fooling around. Fooling around lead to CONSENSUAL SEX in other words they BOTH agreed to do it. Parents of the boy walked in and caught them in the act and called the other parent to come collect their daughter. Not long after and I mean later that night the police arrived and charged the BOY with a sexual offence. Yep, charged the boy (at first) Cut a long and $10,000 in legal fees story short. Both kids ended up in legal hot water and had to attend counselling. If your parents, or his, wish to go down the same route, if they find, out they can. In the eyes of the law sex doesn't stop with just vaginal/penis it includes oral, digital (finger) and objects. If you do, and fall pregnant anyone, teacher or any adult, can make a mandatory report to authorities. and if your bf is older so can a nurse of doctorIt. Its TOTALLY NORMAL to want to fool around a bit but my advice would be to tone it right down and hold on to your virginity till you are old enough to KNOW 100 % when the time is right and confidently walk into any shop and buy condoms for your self.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2016):
 Chances of pregnancy is high when you have TWO people who have no experience with birth control, their own bodies.
It is EASY to gt caught up in the moment, to let the hormones "rules", but those 30 seconds it would take for him to ejaculate... can have consequences that will last a life time, namely a baby.
Wait with sex, till you are BOTH old enough to be able to talk to your parents about birth control, till you KNOW how to use contraception/birth control.
That means wait till you are older. There REALLY is no hurry to have sex now. Yes, your hormones are "telling" you it's OK, but waiting till your mind & body is ready is something YOU will NOT regret. Having sex too early? Something you WILL regret.
Sit down and think on it. Let's say you two decide to go ahead and have sex. At 13 your body is NOT fully ready for pregnancies. Yes, girls your age have gone through pregnancies, giving birth and are for the most part traumatized for the rest of their lives. Giving birth is NO joke. It's painful. It's hard work and it IS for the REST of your life that you, your body is changed.
How do you think your parents would react to it?
How would you be able to afford a baby? ( and no, YOU - not your parents)
Do you really think a 13/14 (or however old your BF is) boy will stick around with a baby? He might SAY he would... but let's face it... HE want to be a teenager and do things teens do... and that is NOT raising a kid, being responsible and grown up at light speed.
HE can walk away. YOU CAN NOT. The baby will grow inside of you for 9 months and once out... will be part of YOU for the rest of your lives. And abortion? IF you can't TALK about birth control with your mom/dad WHAT in goodness name would you do IF you got pregnant?
And then let's face it, you and your BF care for each other now... but in a year? or 2? or 5 months... or... after you have sex. YOU might have fully out grown him, emotionally and experience wise.
I'm in my 40's. I didn't have kids till I was 30. I have NO regrets there. I traveled, I got 2 bachelor degrees, I have worked in several areas, had a career, had a couple of BF's before settling down.
One of my BEST friends got pregnant at 15, married at 16 and had to grow up so fast that she MISSED out on SO many things. She hit 50 before she even went out of state! Before she got to travel. Something she always wanted to do.
Do you have goals? Hopes? Dreams? for YOUR future? FOCUS on those first... sex later.
You are questioning this because you KNOW, waiting IS the right thing.
I'm of the opinion that if you CAN NOT talk to your mom/dad about birth control, you aren't old/mature enough for sex.
ENJOY being a teenager! don't be in SUCH a hurry to do grown up things and be a grown up, trust me on that.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 August 2016):
 So, let me get this straight: you don't even know where to get condoms from but you know you want to have sex? How old is your boyfriend? Is he putting pressure on you to have sex? If you are in the UK, he could be in serious trouble for having sex with someone your age. Laws about age of consent are there for a reason: to protect young vulnerable people like you. If you go ahead, I can guarantee you one thing: you will live to regret it. Your boyfriend will probably dump you as soon as he has got what he wants and you could end up pregnant. If you two don't even know where to get condoms from, I don't hold out much hope for you being able to figure out how to use them properly. Stop trying to grow up so fast. And where are your parents in all this?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 August 2016):
 OP, well done for coming here; it's smart to ask for help. It's also smart to listen to the advice you're given and that is to be sensible and wait another 2+ years.
You wouldn't be able to care for a baby and your parents would lose trust in you if you have sex so young; it's irresponsible. Be mature about it and tell your boyfriend that you need to wait until you're older. I know you may not feel like it, but you're still both children mentally, physically and in the eyes of the law.
Nobody regrets waiting, OP, but many regret having sex too young/soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2016): Sorry sweetheart i forgot to add that if you are in a situation where you cant say no, then it is probably best to confide in an adult like the local nurse or doctor who will try to help you both before or after the event!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2016): You do know that you are legally underage for sex?If your 'boyfriend'is over 18 yrs old or an adult they could go to prison for paedophilia or child abuse.The fact that you have seen each other naked and fooled around a lot is no excuse if your 'boyfriend'is older than 16yrs and you are under 16yrs.13yrs old is too young!You got that?If your 'boyfriend'is only 13yrs to 15yrs then you are still too young!You are not old enough to have to make a decision about this!The answer is no!If you are dealing with an adult 'boyfriend' then the police are a very effective form of contraception and telling them about your sexual encounters will prevent a pregnancy from you or anyone else by said adult because they will lock his sorry ass up for a very long time!Why are the laws like this? Because you are too young to protect yourself emotionally or physically at 13yrs or to deal with the consequences at your age!Being grown up means not being knocked up at 13yrs old!Say no!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 August 2016):
 Please think things over very carefully before you do something that could change your life forever. At 13, your body and your minds are not ready for sex. You may think that you are, but you really aren't mature enough to handle all the emotions and repercussions that can occur. What if you do get pregnant? Do you realize what you would be putting your body through? How on earth would 2 13 year olds take care of a baby? And if you would have an abortion...do you have any idea what that will do to you emotionally?
Please please reconsider this. Even if you use condoms, you are still too young to be having sex. It isn't smart, it isn't safe. Is there anyone older that you trust that you can talk to? Someone that will listen to you and not embarress or belittle you???
I implore you to think things over very very carefully. Let me throw this out there at you too..once you have sex with a guy, they aren't usually going to be happy just doing it once. They will want it again and again. Is that what you want at such a young age???
Please talk to someone that you trust. You aren't ready...and the results if you have sex at this tender age could be absolutely disastrous!
I got pregnant unexpectedly at 19.....6 years older than you and I wasn't ready. It was a very very hard life for me and I was far more ready than you would be hun..you're going to feel all kinds of things as you are becoming a young woman and its all perfectly normal, but acting out sexual urges at this young of an age is so dangerous. I can't stress that enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2016): If you have to ask all these questions, then you're not ready, simple as. Judging by your age I'd not recommend it for a couple of years either. Also, not sure how the law applaus in your country, but it's illegal here to be doing it at your age. How old is the boyfriend? Are you prepared to give up your life if you get pregnant? How will you take care of a kid financially?
It's all stuff to consider and you can in a few years, just not now.
Just my 2 cents
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