A
female
age
30-35,
*arnes66
writes:I was with my ex on and off for few years and we live 4 hours apart.We finally broke it off for good when he met someone else closer.However, he started to reach out to more than year later.He left several messages on fb , telling me that he misses me and has been thinking about me...he wants to know how I'm doing.I responded back to him when I received the messages a month later.We caught up on our lives, exchanged recent pics.He offered to skype with me but flaked constantly with excuses.Then when we had solid plans to Skype, he didn't come online and didn't return my texts that night.He texted me the next day and said sorry for getting back at me late,he got caught up with work then offered to Skype for tonight.I told him that I was busy tonight then explained how flaky he's been.He never responded to my texts and haven't heard from him since.I'm hurt with this and I don't why he bothered to reach out only to hurt me
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female
reader, spiritual butterfly  +, writes (7 August 2016):
You are familiar to him first and foremost and how many of us are guilty of going back to an old flame to realise the relationship is dead and going nowhere..the excitement soon wears off.Thats why we go cold after a while.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2016): People gravitate towards the familiar, it can be a hard pattern to break.Letting go completely can be difficult and I guess the newness of going back to an ex can be exiting at first till they realise they don't really want to be with you..The feelings they have are obviously superficial..Sounds like the attraction is there but no real love. Sometimes they just come back for the convenience or perhaps they bored and have nothing else going on,or perhaps they confused and have feelings but the relationship has no life to it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2016): Old habits are hard to break. People also get sentimental and they'll look you up when their social life is zero, and their love-life has gone flat. Suddenly they reminisce about the good-times you used to have; but somehow the reasons you broke-up slips everybody's memory. This only delays or reverses any progress made in getting over them. It's best to keep it cordial, polite, and distant. It only leads to a repetitive cycle and ends in heartbreak.
For the most part people remember the sex. Sex is never enough to reconcile differences and revive dead relationships. Once it's had, it's not as great as you once thought it was.
I think after breaking-up with someone else; while on the rebound, he found someone he feels safe with and would soothe his feelings of rejection. While boosting his crushed male-ego. You were setup.
You recycle plastics, paper, and glass; not exes. The last thing you need to do is rehash the very reasons you had to leave someone; only to go back to them for the re-runs of the same-old, same-old.
In many instances, they are trying to clear their conscience and decide if they let a good one getaway. Once their memory returns and all the sentiment melts away; they see you for the person they finally got out of their lives. They wake-up and you're out.
Do yourself a favor, block him and move on with your life.
It's time you grew-up and realize it's better to go forward in life, not backwards. Sometimes people are only meant to pass through but once in our lives. They may offer something, teach us something, or enrich us in some ways.
If you had to remove them, or they dumped you; there was a reason. Returning to the scene of the crime and going back to the old ways hardly ever works. People take the chance anyway, and end-up getting hurt even worse.
Well, I guess now you know better.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (6 August 2016):
The long distance is a factor and does not help the situation. Pick your battles, this does not have to be one.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (6 August 2016):
He was probably just at a loose end and feeling a little bit low and nostalgic when he initiated contact with you again. (And possibly a bit drunk?)
My guess is that he had probably just broken up with a girlfriend (and they've subsequently got back together) or his current relationship was(is) going through a hard time. Perhaps he and his GF had just had an argument and he was feeling piqued or perhaps she's away for a few days and he's a bit bored.
Either way, he didn't initiate contact with you again with a view to rekindling a relationship with you but because he had a very temporary hole in his life and he knew you'd be able to fill it for that brief moment.
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A
female
reader, Barnes66 +, writes (6 August 2016):
Barnes66 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I asked him if he's still with the girl he met he said they broke up... things didn't work out.So he's single , according to him.I even sent him a text and told him that I was planning to visit him this month but I'm not sure anyone since he's being flaky.He never responded back
Having said that, I would like someone closer but I haven't had any luck meeting a decent guy who wants a relationship. I've been single for over 2 years. The guys I meet are jerks , flakes and guys who just wants sex
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 August 2016):
 Is he still with someone else? Or is he single?
If he is still with someone else, I think Skyping and the whole "miss you" is inappropriate of him. He isn't looking for a friend, he is looking for another woman to give him attention. And I guess he was "flaking" because he doesn't want to GF to catch him Skyping you. So what if he wants to know how you are doing? He is an ex and you owe him nothing.
If he is single.. he is still wasting your time.
You two were on/off back in the day for a reason. The reason might have partly been because of the 4 hours, but also because HE and you weren't that serious.
Relationships that takes "breaks" or are on/off are not good or healthy. The end when things get tough. And instead of working on a solution it goes into an off phase. When one or the other (or both) parties are either lonely or bored it gets back to an on phase for a while. It's pointless.
And if you two "dated" for a few years but NEVER made plans to bridge that 4 hour distance gap what's the point?
If you are looking for a BF, why not look for someone closer to yourself and not 4 hours away. Someone you WANTS to spend time WITH you. Who doesn't flake on you.
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