A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I left my abusive husband 3 months ago. During that time, in a moment of weakness after him begging to give him another chance, I said that we could try to make it work. For a month after that, he went dead silent and refused everything I tried to do to help us. He refused counseling; he refused to read self help books; if I tried to communicate with him calmly, he would twist my words and start yelling and throwing insults; and he shot down almost all of my invitations to see each other. In the span of 3 months we only saw each other a total of 6 hours. I got tired of his manipulation and started to see him for what he truly is. In our 4 years of marriage, he has been abusive in almost every way a person can be (emotional, financial, physical, ect.). So 2 weeks ago, I finally got him to meet with me face-to-face and I told him that this is the end for us and there's no way to heal our relationship. Since then he has bombarded me with messages, one second insulting me and throwing low-blows, the next, begging me to come back and saying he'll do better. He has spent some days acting like the conversation never happened and that we're still together and everything is peachy. I replied to his messages to tell him that I am not changing my mind, that it is over, and that I don't have a shred of trust left in him. After that, He came to my apartment unannounced, pounding on the door and scaring the bejeesus out of me. It is an invasion of my personal space, so I didn't open the door. I sent him one last message and told him this has gone too far, and I will not be in contact any more. I blocked him on my phone, but he has still come to my apartment every single day, leaving letters and flowers in front of my door and sending messages on every platform he can think of. He stopped knocking on my door, but I feel scared to even go outside for fear he might be waiting for me. I don't think he would try to hurt me, but I've also never seen him this crazy before, and that frightens me. I have a friend helping me, and I have spent the past few night sleeping at her place, just in case.I don't want to involve the police because the country I live in almost always, without question, takes the husband's side. Women have been beaten bloody on the streets here before but if the assailant is her husband, no one cares. Is there anyway to get the message through to him that we are never getting back together and that he needs to stop? I have plans to go back to America (my home country) in 2 months, should I just ignore him until after I'm home?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2016): You husband's behavior at this point is out of desperation. Yet he knows the husband has the advantage in your culture; so it may be best not to presume he won't try to hurt you. Two months might be a long stretch for staying with a friend, and you surely don't want to bring your domestic troubles to her doorstep.
The problem about remaining in abusive relationships is the possibility of domestic violence. The tension builds and an abusive husband usually becomes physically violent. It sickens my heart there are cultures that condone violence on women; so you have to use your wits to save your skin.
Until you initiate the legal process to divorce your husband, he feels he can talk you out of leaving him. He is also using intimidation tactics to scare you, and that is why you haven't sought a lawyer up to this point. You're afraid to. You really have no choice. He remains your husband until you legally dissolve the marriage. You may only be assuming there are no protections. If you haven't actually asked an attorney what you can do; maybe you shouldn't think there is nothing you can do. You just may find a sympathetic police department and justice system that will issue some sort of order of protection pending your divorce proceedings.
I suggest you cut a month off your time to leave; unless it is due to financial limitations or issues regarding your passport. You may have to have your divorce executed from stateside. That's really complicated and depends on your countries laws and statutes for divorce from abroad. You must get an attorney now in order to determine what your legal rights are and what procedure is necessary to get a divorce from outside the country.
If you have family in the United States, you may want to ask them to help you to raise a legal fund in order to cover your legal expenses, and finding yourself temporary shelter. you have to get your legal ducks in a row, and you have to be sure you have a safe place to live until your able to leave the country.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (6 August 2016):
 For sure contact US Embassy at least to have a record of all this even if they can't help materially. Ask them to expedite your exit out of there. I think that you should increase precautions about your physical safety because that man is erratic and the laws, as you describe, don't care about women. Stay in undisclosed locations where he is unlikely to know where you are. Bide time to get outta there ASAP.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 August 2016):
 I agree with Auntie Bim Bim, CONTACT the US Embassy ASAP they might be able to help you get home faster and maybe even help you find another place to stay IF you can not leave the country for 2 months (if you have a work contract or whatnot).
I would however get OUT asap and get home.
If you friend is willing maybe stay there the remainder of your time in the country.
If I were in your shoes, I'd pack up things I didn't want to leave behind and mail them back to the US, the rest? I would give away or donate/toss - then I would pack a bag and be gone in a heartbeat.
Is there a reason you are waiting 2 months to go home?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 August 2016):
 Its possible your husband views you as a possession and if he knows you are intending leaving his country to return to your own that he will decide not to let you leave.
I would advise against waiting 2 months before you leave and return home as soon as you can.
Have you contacted the US Embassy in the country you are in to see if they can help you at all ... give them a call, there might be something they can do to expedite your departure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2016): Go home as soon as possible, try to leave earlier, get a lawyer and a restraining order.
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