A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a man who is an alcoholic and drinks liquor and beer everyday.He has for 5yrs. now been going back and forth between his ex-girl friend and me.He'll be at my house one month,then at her house the next month.He is nice to me when he is around.I live alone and when he comes back to me I'm so lonesome until I just let him in. He's with her this week,he was with me last week. This really bothers me and hurts my feelings. Please help me!!!
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female
reader, Foxy Brown +, writes (29 July 2013):
This is not an answer,but a big thank you to eddie85,human male,and no nonsense Aidan for their answers and concern. It really helped.I sought of knew the answers,but as lonesome as I've been I had made my alcoholic friend my only friend. I throught we were in our own little world by ourself. As much time as we use to spend together I really don't know how they got back together. We spent every weekend together. Now I can't even get him on the phone unless he's at work.Funny thing is, it's the same thing with his family members. They can't reach him either. They call me asking where he is and why he won't answer.
The whole thang is werid to me!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): Stop being afraid of being alone! It's fun being single. You only have one life to live,enjoy it!! Drop that zero and get yourself a hero.
I bet he spins more time with his drinking than he does either of you.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (27 July 2013):
 I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I can only imagine the pain you are experiencing.
Sadly, though, this is one of your doings. You are with what sounds like a loser. From your description, he is a drunk and is going between you and his ex-girlfriend. When things get tired with you, instead of working to make them better, he goes back to his ex. And when things sour there, he returns back to you. It sounds like a win-win situation for him.
I know you probably have feelings for him, but at some point you have to ask yourself: have you had enough? Is this the man of your dreams? Is this what you wanted out of life and as far as a life companion? And what does it say about you and how you see yourself?
The problem here really isn't your boyfriend, it's you. Since you don't stand up for yourself, there's no way he's going to be accountable to you. And sadly, you think that this situation is fixable.
While I may sound incredibly judgmental and perhaps harsh; I hope I make my point abundantly clear: you deserve and you must INSIST on better for yourself. I hope you take stock of your life and where it is going and who you include in it. You only get one life to live and there is no sense in anchoring yourself in someone who only brings you down and brings you heartache.
I'd urge you also to consider seeing a therapist. Reading between the lines, I suspect you have low self-esteem. You have a lot to offer someone -- don't settle for anything less than the best.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (27 July 2013):
 You know what you have to do, you have to make a decision. Either you're going to tell him his behaviour is unacceptable and be prepared to end the relationship, or just put up with it and take what scraps he deigns to throw your way.
You keep letting him do it because you're lonely. That's understandable but have you tried to do something about that? Have you tried to meet someone else, or try and develop more of a social life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): Of course it hurts you, he is using you. You need to value yourself, don't let someone treat you like this. I understand being lonely and thinking it is better than nothing, but in this case it isn't.
You need to figure out why you think so little of yourself that you'd let a man like that in your life.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (27 July 2013):
What on earth are either of you doing keep taking him back? Presumably she knows you’re his other woman too?
The short answer is that if you want to stop getting hurt, rid him from your life. That might be more painful in the short term, but he’s clearly using both of you. The drink is probably his first love and he’ll pick you both up and drop you when it suits. If you can’t handle that, you need to get him out of your life, unfortunately.
I wish you all the very best.
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