A
male
age
36-40,
*uditoree
writes:ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. im a 24yr old man and he is 26. i work 9-5 and he works and studies. we love each other immensely. unlike a number of gay men i have met, ive never been someone who puts sex before love which is why i am still in this relationship but im fearful that one day i might crack, by seeking sex elsewhere because he stopped having sex with me. rarely we get sexually intimate and i have to resort to maasterbation. my sex drive has increased since being with him, howevwer it seems his has deteriorated.the last time we had sex was 9 months ago. i am usually up for it but he uses the 'tired from work' excuse which was valid to a certain extent. that's my opinion as a level headed man however when your libido strikes, tiredness is negligible and i know he has one. i really want sex with him again. he turns me on so much but i just cant seem to get it. when i try to talk to him about it, he says he is tired or wants to sleep because of an early start the next day. my sex jokes are an indication to him that i am up for it, but he brushes it off instead of even humouring me with a joke back. he really does what he can to keep sex away as the topic of discussion. ive even noticed how when i make a sexual remark- he freezes, like he's thinking of the best way to deflect the subject.he lends a hand when i am masterbating but he does not masterbate himself, even after i offer it. i do not believe he has a low sex drive because i find the roll of tissue he uses to whipe me afterwards is smaller the next day. ovbiously he whacks off whilst i'm out at work. so why wouldnt he want it with me? i'm an athlete- hence my body is in shape so what is the problem?bottom line- im very happy with my man, but his contribution to our sex life is insufficient. if he cares for me then why doesn't he take one for the team?
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at work, libido, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Honey, if he's not giving you what you need....this will end. Not only are you pretending, he is too. Please be true to yourself. Life is short...enjoy every aspect of it. Don't be be cruel. Just be honest. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (6 March 2011):
 hmm i would guess if it was me that if my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me that he didn't find me attractive.it has to be affecting your self esteem.its you're choice but to me i can be friends with anyone but my man has to be my lover by definition. its not like you are making kids and that that takes priority over sex. as a gay man the only real reason for a relationship is to fulfill your needs. sex is a need (in my case anyway).your call
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't have a problem with his libido per se but that he has a problem with you. it's not that he doesn't like sex anymore, he just doesn't like to have sex with you.How is your relationship other than this issue? Has he had big problems with you in other areas? Does he feel you are inconsiderate, or annoying, overbearing, demanding of him in other areas of your relationship for example? in the past have you criticized his performance in bed thus making him not want to be put in that position again? All these negative feelings towards a partner can make someone not want to have sex with you no matter how attractive your body is. furthermore, if he was having some of those negative feelings towards you and not being interested in having sex with you yet you keep asking him for sex, this further turns him off to you even more. now the topic of sex becomes a burdensome one so he tries even more to deflect it like not even returning a sex joke another possibility could be that he's cheating on you, and the guilt is what's making him not interested in sex with you, though in general he still has a sex drive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): Try planing a romantic night out go out to eat or try some thing new and fun togather or go to a sex shop and buy some new toys you can use on each other and just try and do small stuff to turn him on kiss him slowly and leave it as that for awhile than touch him a little more like tease him and make him want it. And if he says hes to tired pick a weekend were no one is busy call and take off work if you can and just spend the time with each other.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (6 March 2011):
 This is a common problem in relationships and unfortunately, a very tricky one. The upside is you sound like you have a great relationship otherwise!Have you tried having a serious conversation with him about it? Tell him that you love him but you feel rejected sexually and that you want to be intimate with him? Also, what's going on in his life? Often a loss of libido occurs when there are deeper problems. Perhaps he is depressed? Or is upset about something and is scared to bring it up? The only way to find out, unfortunately is to ask, and to have a proper talk. 9 months is a long time, try and keep intimacy alive with cuddles and kisses in the meantime.There's also a chance he know's he isn't satisfying you and is frustrated with himself. When this is the case people tend to put pressure on themselves making it even harder to be sexually intimate. If this is the case, or if all else fails try (if you haven't already) not trying it on at all. Perhaps then he will relax and come to you. Hope things look up soon.
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A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (6 March 2011):
Im not that experienced when it comes to increasing the libido of a gay man, but im assuming it would probably be the same as with a straight man. Maybe try to plan an evening together doing something you both, (Or just him) love. If that doesnt work, confront him, because its possible he has just lost interest and if thats the case it may be time to just move on
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