A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've just entered a relationship with a new man. he is sweet, kind, caring.. in fact, it is very hard for me to fault his personality. I love spending time with him, i love the things we do together and i love his friends and his family. But i do not know whether i can love him. he tells me he loves me all the time, but i don't know how true this can be considering we haven't been going out that long. i was recently left by someone who i genuinely loved, and it tore me up badly. i feel emotionally deadened in some ways, especially sexually. i can't bring myself to carry through sex with him as it physically hurts in a way i didn't encounter in my last relationship. i worry about what this will do to him more than me. i'm very confused, as i don't know whether ending it wil be better or worse for both of us, or whether my emotional problems are just a temporary thing, or whether i just may not be physically attracted to him and this fact is disguised by my other emotions. can anybody offer me any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): You're on the rebound, you got into this way too soon. And no you're not attracted to him. Seriously OP as Cindy said you really don't wonder something like that, you just know. Were you unsure if you were attracted to your ex?Look everything you have said is rebound, you love spending time with this guy and doing things with him because he fills a bit of a gap you miss from your last relationship, it is exceptionally easy to get into a relationship too soon after a break up and now you're learning the pit falls. It's all so nice at the start, he seems like the solution to everything and you don't even consider whether you really want to get into anything serious with him but then all of a sudden you realize he's just not your ex.Do yourself and him a favour and end it. You need to take time for yourself to get yourself together. The longer you leave this the more hurt this guy is going to be, the more he will invest into this, the more commitment he will want. Your emotions, the confusion, the hurt and desolation of losing one of your great loves has blinded you to what this is, now those feelings are starting to resolve a little you're beginning to see that this guy was just a rebound.Don't feel bad, most of us have gotten into rebounds and it's kind of horrible on the other person but it happens. I've been where he is and while it stings you get over it quickly enough depending on how long it lasts. You see rebounds are not a good idea but they're easily done, they're an easy mistake to make but if you drag it out for long when you realize what it is then that's no longer a mistake that's just bad form. Do the right thing and take some time for yourself. That way you can clear your head and consider your feelings properly. No matter what though the longer you leave this the more you fuck this guy over, it's really not fair on him for you to drag this out while you try and find him attractive. He deserves a girl that is sure don't you think?
A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 I agree with CindyCares. I've been ,quite a few times, in such situations where the other person is a great partner but the emotion is just not there on one side. Like CindyCares says if you don't feel it from the first couple of dates then it's hard to develop feelings later on...so once i realized that, i was running away before i hurt them. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 If you don't know whether you are physically attracted to him or not,...then you are not. The mind can lie and trick you into things - the body does never lie.If you are physically attracted to a man, you just KNOW it.That your lack of physical chemistry, then, may be due to your not having recovered from your last break up, - and that if you'd get over the break up, probably you'd feel free to be attracted to this man, it's all another story, and a good possibility. But as of now....
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