A
female
age
36-40,
*issconfused
writes:i have been in a relationship for ten months with my current boyfriend and i am not sure if i should let him go or keep him around and lie to myself that im happy and everything will get better later on because right now i am very unhappy and i dont know what to do anymore it buggs me that i dont know why i cant be happy is it him or me idk i just have an empty feeling in my heart and even though hes super nice and gives me everything it doesnt seem to make a change in my heart i think i still have feelings for my ex bf and i never really got over him please some one just give me some advise im lost in my own body i dont know what to do anymore im going crazy
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): hello
Firstly I am sorry to hear that you feel like this and i hope that soon your heart is filled with Joy.
Ok so now you need to take some steps to putting that big smile back on your face . If you read what you wrote - you will see that you answered your own question. Your are not ever going to be happy untill you firstly face up to the fact that your x boyfriend and you are now no more and life is now yours to explore and take what you need . The current guy is not what you need or want due to you not knowing - take some time out - do things for you - and when the magic is right - Bang !! life will be back on track
I am sending you good wishes and lots of peace and love - your future will be bright - follow your heart - follow your star
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Sweetheart, you say the rest of your family are in Mexico, is there not an Auntie or someone who you have ever been close to at all?
Have you ever thought that maybe going to social services or something could be better or getting in with a foster family until you are old enough to support yourself?
Surely a vetted family who have been fostering other children previously is better than staying with a mother who blames you for her screw ups and a father that is so bitter and twisted that you are the brunt of their anger, a good verbal punch bag.
I am so sorry that you are in this situation, surely even living with a friend or someone you may be close to at school would be better right now, perhaps your mother may wake up to herself if you weren't around for a while.
My heart goes out to you as a mum I could never treat my own daughter the way your mother has treated you. Sweetheart there are people who care and they are the ones you are talking to on this site.
Never think anything is so bad that you don't want to live, you are at the brink of a wonderful life, so young and vibrant and keep telling yourself you are a beautiful young girl with as JustHannah said you are probably not overweight or anything wrong with you. You are the one who is more intelligent than your own mother. Remember that and tell yourself that every day OK.
You can do whatever you want to do and you are the one who can make that happen OK. I know it must be scary for you sweetheart but help is out there if you know where to look OK. Is there a Childline helpline or someone you can talk to at your school like a welfare officer or someone?
It would be confidential and explain the problems you are having with your parents, sweetheart plan properly with people who can help you to get out of this awful situation you are currently in. Don't bother talking to your mother, she only upsets you.
Stay strong and positive OK. You are wonderful and full of life OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
...............................
A
female
reader, missconfused +, writes (16 August 2007):
missconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the question thats the worst thing i dont have anyone im alone
...............................
A
female
reader, JUSTHANNAH +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Sweetheart thats awful. I'm so sorry your Mum and Dad are so cruel to you. Dont you let anyone put you down. I doubt very much you are Fat its just her way of Lashing out at you. You're certainly not stupid..Do you not have any other Relative you can stay with??? Dont stay with this guy if you dont love him honey it just wont work...As for your Mum saying all those nasty things she doesnt sound a very nice person to me..Good Luck sweetheart
...............................
A
female
reader, missconfused +, writes (14 August 2007):
missconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni tried telling my family but my mother is too busy in love with her 18 yr old boyfriend that is cousin of my bf i cnt talk to her anymore she tells me to break it off but then ignores me and starts talkin on the fone with her stupid bf which i hate and he always tells me im fat and i need to shut up and my mom never says anything which gets me down and i start crying and all she tells me is that im stupid and crazy and that im on drugs and im not . to everyone she pretends to be this perfect mother when in reality i think a mental person could be more of a mother than her. she spends most of the time she has free texting her bf and if i get mad and say something she just shoves in my face that i have ruined all her relationships and i have ruined her life and that she wishes i had never been born. she also threatens me of sending me to mexico if i dont change into her beautiful lie of a happy daughter that has a perfect mom thats 40 dating an 18 year old . im tired of my family im 16 and everyday i wish was the last i wanna be dead
My dad is stupid he has nothing good to say. he hates me b/c my mom doesnt love him and anything my mom says he still does. he also tells me that the fact that i was born fucked everythin up.
apart from my parents thats the only family i got everyone else is in mexico and they wont believe anythin i say .. to them my mom is perfect and flawless
...............................
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (13 August 2007):
Sweetheart, you cannot be bullied into staying with someone for fear of him hurting you.
Are you living with family right now, tell them the situation if you are and warn the police that your bf seems to get very angry and you are frightened he might hurt you. Also inform your head teacher at school that you want to break things off with your current bf but he is getting quite aggressive towards you.
If you want to break it off with him then do it in a very public place and make sure you have friends or family there at the same time, never be alone afterwards so that he can intimidate you.
Sweetheart you are staying with him for fear of him hurting you and he is now using this to scare you into being with him. That is a psycho you are right, get out of this relationship as soon as possible.
The fact that your current bf is the one who is constantly bringing up your ex and playing with your head in this way is just sick and very cruel - this is not someone you want in your life.
Ring him and break up with him if you are scared of doing it face to face as it has gone on long enough.
Warn people around you though and for now don't be on your own in case he comes up to intimidate you.
As it is the holidays right now can you go and stay with some relatives after you tell him if you are scared, but please let your family and friends know what is going on, this is so wrong to be bullied into staying with him.
Be strong and hold your head up high.
You have done NOTHING and I mean NOTHING wrong, you don't love him so stop punishing yourself, he is doing that and it just isn't on.
Keep us posted eh.
BFN
Country Woman
x
...............................
A
female
reader, missconfused +, writes (11 August 2007):
missconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno no no me and my ex are exacly alike me and my current bf r nothin alike nd i havent talked or even looked his way in months we lost communication we had a lot of problems he started changing towards me he was rude and mean all the time but thats not the issue and i dont love my ex anymore i still have feelings but they are mainly painful memories locked down with grudges and my curent bf is in denial or at least i think he is i always tell him if he wants out he's good to do it but he wont and if i try to break it off he wont let me he get mad yells at me and almost hits me
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (11 August 2007):
 I guess hes in denial a bit, doesnt wanna let go.
You dont have to be speaking about your ex for him to know you're still in love with him. And you said you were in your original note?
Im confused though, in your original note you're saying your ex & you are so alike, now you just said this guy you're with now & you are so alike. Are you seeing your ex at the moment? Sorry ive just got a bit lost there.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, missconfused +, writes (10 August 2007):
missconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing is i never mention my ex and he still brings him up hes more in love with my ex then me and i know my soulmate is out there im just scared i might never find him and im even more scared to know that i found my soulmate but we were too much alilke and too suborn to make it work and i need to leave him and soon but its just hard idk how to say it emotionally i dont want to destroy him how my ex destroyed me but i feel he knows i dont love him and i dont understand why he just doesnt part from me
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (10 August 2007):
Hes bringing your ex up everyday because he knows you're not actually over him. But thats the gamble you take when you date someone so soon out a relationship. We've all been there & done that.
Be brave & do what you want. Dont pander to the emotional blackmail if you end things with this guy.
Its not going to get any easier. Whats the alternative? stay with him & never meet your soul mate?
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, missconfused +, writes (10 August 2007):
missconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know that i should tell him how i feel but its soo hard. he's one of those people that doesnt listen he just judges and i know that i should be strong enough to leave if im not happy but i cant he wont let me go. i swear he's like crazy absesses with me if i tell him i need a break he almost wants to hit me and he starts crying and i feel bad. and i left my ex bf b/c we were too much alike and i fell in love and he didnt we broke up and i left the country came bak 2 months later and then i met ma current bf i start goin out with him 4 months after i still had resentment for my ex and we were still fighting everyday during school. and i know i should of known better but they always say one nail takes out another nail but i guess it didnt work for me . + i've tried to move on and forget my ex my current bf wont let me for the last 10 months that all he does remind me and bring him up theres not a day he doesnt so therefore is that my fault or his? i know i might be crazy but i can almost swear that my current bf wants to see me cry everyday he says something so messed up and then he changes the story by doin something nice i think he's kinda syco
...............................
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (9 August 2007):
How long did you leave it after splitting with your previous bf before starting a new relationship with your current bf?
Who ended the last relationship - you or your ex bf?
If you are not happy then something has to change as it can't go on like it is right now.
If you say your current bf is fantastic but there is no spark there then I think you have already found your answer.
I realise you don't want to hurt your bf but staying with someone for the sake of it to just say you have a bf is not good enough reason if you don't see a future with them.
How much do you talk to one another?
Do you do exciting things together or are you always comparing him with your ex?
I think perhaps you need some time to yourself and if you explain this to your bf and say that you don't think you have ever really got over your ex then he may understand or he may head off but at least you are giving him the choice. If you make it clear that you don't want to hurt him and you need to see what life would be like on your own for a while then at least he will have a certain level of respect for you for not forcing him to stay in a relationship where only one partner is happy.
Perhaps you need some space for yourself and go out with your female friends and just have fun for a while.
You are young and bf's come and go at your age so don't tie yourself to someone if you are not happy.
I am not suggesting for one minute that you should either bed hop or try out a new bf every week but just don't rush into anything right now.
Explain things first to your bf and the last thing you need to do is put yourself through a guilt trip. You are the stronger person here by seeing that there are things that are wrong in your relationship whether that is from within you or from your relationship with someone who doesn't make you excited and happy every time you see him.
Wish you well, keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
...............................
A
female
reader, JUSTHANNAH +, writes (9 August 2007):
Why not have a break from him maybe a week or two without him around .Did you go straight into this Relationship after your last one ended? You see uncontiously you prob thought if your ex knew you had someone else he would realise what he had lost feel Jealous and maybe want you back. Do you think you could hve dated this new guy on the Rebound of your last relationship and the need to feelwanted again. As I say if you maybe have a break and see how you feelYou know what they say absence makes the Heart grow fonder (or at least thats what they say)
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 August 2007):
HiI dont think you're actually in love with the guy you're with now. Ive been in the same positiion before, and it wont get any better.You probably werent ready to meet someone new when you did.Only you know if you want to be with this guy, but it doesnt sound like you do deep down.Its horrible isnt it because this new guy is nice and does everything right, but you just cant settle with him, been there done it bought the t shirt.I feel for you, hope you can come to a decision.Good luckC xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, lisa kathleen gates +, writes (9 August 2007):
 first of all you need to get the ex out of your head. u broke up for a reason, secondly, if it isn't working, why r u having 2nd thoughts, because i think it is great at some points and your just having a down moment. everybvody gets them. id try and see how he reacts to different things, change your normal ruitines throughout the week see what happens, at least give it a while longer, there is obviously something still there or u wouldn't have written this message. you must have known u still had feelings for the ex b4 u got into this in the first place so may i sujest... talk things through and work things out with the current one.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): wow, you sound like me, part from the ex-bf bit.well if you are unhappy, let him go, its not him it is you its your feelings not hes. He dont deserve to be mis-treated because of your feelings towards you ex-bf. If you cant see love with him then maybe its time to move on
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): well ask your boy friend for a break and the time away from him should tell you if its you or not and also im not much help im in the same situation i dont know if its me or him or what is going on no mater what i do in our relationship or if he trys to make me feel better i still to this day feel unhappy so the best of luck hun and im sorry i couldnt give you much help
...............................
|
