A
female
age
30-35,
*issyfit
writes:Help! I'm really new to my relationship with my boyfriend... We've known each other for three years now and we became a couple about 9 months ago. My concern is that I'm afraid of letting him go. By that I mean him going off to a different school, miles away from me. Before told me he wants to go to Berkeley... I was scared for the LDR but then he changed his mind and told me he's interested in UCLA and now he is really determined to go to Berkeley! I know you might say "oh you're too young, don't worry, everything happens for a reason" but as of right now, I just need advice and a little bit of prayer. Believe me, I don't want to be a hinder in his future, but it's just hard to be in a long distance relationship. Sometimes you wish you can just call that certain someone (when you're in need) and just expect them to be there a few minutes.. not 5 hours later! Just a thought... If I'm so afraid of this LDR, does that mean I'm not mature enough for this relationship? Do I need to break up with him before he goes so that I won't have an LDR? (that sounds pretty selfish though, it sounds like I'm only thinking for my well being) So many questions... Sorry for this long story but I just need advice or maybe your experience with LDR...Thank you so much in advance!
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missyfit +, writes (25 February 2011):
missyfit is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm so touched with your replies. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. They all seem personal and I really thank you for that. I also thank for the honest answers. That's life, right? I think I will just give this LDR a try... I mean if it doesn't work out, at least I tried. And if we really are meant for each other, I know someday, somehow, something will bring us back together in the future.
A
female
reader, sophisticated08 +, writes (24 February 2011):
 well im in a LDR now and its hard but i think that if you really love him then you will be able to get through it.. you just have to be able trust one another .. talking on the phone everyday is very good to do. texting and skype is great also.. i think you just have to have the will power to do a LDR as well.. if you dont have it or really dont think you will like being away from him for a long period of time then it might not be for you ... i mean you could at least give a try and see if it would work out... you also have to be willing to go see him and he come and see you as often as he can if thats even possible.. and as far as should you break up with him... only you can answer we cant help with you just have to know and feel that its something that you really want to do... just dont make the wrong decision. trust in your heart
...............................
A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (24 February 2011):
Its doesn't mean you aren't mature at all...because even us mature folk struggle with LDR... believe me.
LDR have left a bitter taste in my mouth for one reason or another... firstly you have to trust each other, secondly you have to accept that they are not going to be there when you need them and last but no means least, you have to put effort in, and make journeys which could be hours away... and I personally have found men rather lazy when it comes to the travelling.
As for your question, do you need to break up with him before he goes?... well I am sorry to say, only you can decide that. Do you think you can seriously handle not seeing him very often? Snuggling up on the sofa mid week? Catching up face to face on a weekend? Waking up in each others arms a couple of times a week? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.. I know I can't actually have a LDR because I would want all of those things on a regular basis.
I personally don't think LDR can last a lifetime, one way or another you have to be in the same place or not together at all.
Good luck x
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Does it mean you're not mature for not wanting an LDR?
In my eyes it makes you more mature. LDR's typically fail. They are too hard for the exact reason you stated, you just want to be WITH them, and phone calls, skype, texting, etc. just doesn't cut it. Many people don't realize just how difficult they are because their view is clouded by their idealism and love.
Do you need to break up with him before he goes?
That's up to you. You can give it a try, but you know it probably won't work out. You might be doing yourself a favor. Because apart from distance, college changes you in a way you don't understand until you experience it yourself. I hate to say it, but your relationship likely wouldn't survive anyway.
I know my views are negative, but they are also from first hand experience. When I was your age I was very much in love with a girl. We tried the LDR thing when we went off to college. I don't think our love ever really died, but we could never see each other either. Communication became less and less frequent. Those couple of weeks a year we were together were great, but that's not a real relationship either.
...............................
|
