A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I got this problem, I moved 4 months ago out of the country to study some courses. Before I left I had a guy (we weren't dating), we did sleep together. But just a week or 2 before I moved, he left on a trip for a month and I didn't hear from him till 2 months later. When I was already here. I told him I had a feeling I might be pregnant. He said if that was the case he'd be there for me but even I knew that would be a miracle coming from a guy who had girls up and down and I recognize that is my fault for getting involved with a guy like that. Anyways, time went by and I got my period and I stopped taking to him but a month ago i got really sick and went to the doctor . and found out i am 5 months pregnant with a baby boy .. and I also found out he has started his life with someone else. I have no emotional feelings towards him at all so I honestly didn't want to include him in the picture. But since I'm only 17 i found myself terrified, I didn't know how to tell my parents back home that I was pregnant just this week I found the courage to tell them. At first some drama occurred but long story short my dad is supporting my as well as my mom and my sister. See the problem is my sister couldn't keep it to herself and told her husband and he told the baby's dad. Turns out the baby's dad wants to be part of the picture financiallyand I don't want that because he plans on telling his mom and so on but wants to hide it from his new partner. I don't want my baby to receive nothing from a person who feels obligated to help just because he thinks he screwed up and that's how he is gonna fix everything. I would except him in the picture if its what he wanted not because he feels he needs to help it should come out the heart and if he doesn't feel that way whats the point.? Help me, am I wrong? Or should I keep thinking the way I'm thinking? I do understand he needs a dad too. Just not one like him what should I do??
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male
reader, sam44  +, writes (24 February 2011):
This is one time you'll have to learn to be selfless.I am sorry but you have to accept his financial help, its not about how you feel and how you justify why he is doing it. He is the father, and it mean a lot to the child to learn that his father was there for him from birth. If you fail to do that, your child might grow up to resent you and even blame you for his lack of father love. Its not easy to live without a father, going through bitterness, and only to learn it was your mother that blocked your father from being a part of your life. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Raising a kid is expensive...even if you don't want it now, you will want the money later. I understand why your might have misgivings about his personality, but he's not asking you to marry him, he's just asking to give you money to help out his child. He has interests in the child's life too, as noncommital as he is. Do it for the kid.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 February 2011):
If you try to stop him helping, at some point it will bite you - badly. You HAVE to put your baby's interests first, and that means taking this help from the father. Otherwise, in say 20 years time, your child might find the father, and then this will come out. There are a few mothers who have attempted to lie/block fathers out, and it has backfired. It happened to a woman I know. For years, she kept the child away from its father. Then aged 18 the son and father met. The father gave all the proof that the mother had been blocking access and lying, and not he hates his mother.
This man is the father of your child. He is offering to pay. If you do not take this chance, you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain when this all comes out later in life. You're also keeping your child's rightful inheritance from it too.
Put your baby first - take the help. Or it will come back and the biggest loser will be you.
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