A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know why but lately I have become extremely paranoid about a girl at work who happens to also be a friend of mine....I know I am being irrational but kind of just need to get it out there....My boyfriend and I work for the same company and ages ago I introduced him to this girl. At the time he didn't really care less and I never heard anything. A few months later he told me how happy he was that she had said hello to him and remembered who he was. I thought this was odd as I kind of thought well why do you care anyway? Couldn't really understand why he felt so elated...Anyway I asked him if he liked her/found her attractive and he was like no she's not my type, don't know why but I asked him again a week later and he was like well can't deny she is not attractive but not my type stop worrying....Then I noticed that every time he is on her floor he looks over at her (bear in my mind there are lots of people around) I asked him why and he said it was at her boss (as her boss is hardly ever there I kind of don't believe it)....Its started to get too extreme my paranoia though as today, I had IM my bf and he didnt reply so thought he must be away, then at same time I noticed she was away too and coincidentally they both came back at the same time which made me think they had been together...I asked and he said no but I still doubted it....I don't know why I am thinking such crazy things and how to over come them? I'm turning into a jealous, paranoid person verging on control freak and I really really don't want to be that way. I just want to be happy and stop worrying.....any suggestions? xx
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at work, girl at work, jealous, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice everyone....
I did speak to the girl....well I am not confrontational so I kind of spoke like it wasn't about her directly but I think she got the message so I will wait and see how things go that side....
With the bf I think I will wait and see how it goes, but if it gets any worse I will sit down and speak to him
xxx
A
female
reader, zxcsdiana  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I say, talk to your friend to back off! You've already talked to your boyfriend several times and he's denied everything except the fact that she is unattractive! Your friend shouldn't be flirting with a friend's boyfriend especially when she knows you two are together.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (22 February 2012):
..just wanted to add one more thing: letting it go doesn't mean turning a blind eye. It just means not having tunnelvision anymore.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (22 February 2012):
Well, since your suspicions are basically just that, without any tangible evidence to suggest something real might be going on here, I would just let it go. Make a deal with yourself that you are not going to bring it up anymore and whenever you feel that stuff invading your mind, you're going to do something else, like reading a book, watching a movie, anything to get your mind off it.
I find that once I really decide I'm going to let something go, it makes it easier to do it. You have to trust your boyfriend here or otherwise this relationship is doomed anyway. So loosen up the reigns, visit more people, give him a breather. Jealousy actually makes people more tempted to cheat in a way a teen will feel more tempted to rebel when the parents are very controlling.
I know it's easy for me to say, but it's really all I have. Your mind is a powerful tool if you can wield it.
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A
female
reader, Butterfly905  +, writes (22 February 2012):
I have been in the same situation as you and can honestly say that I would be concerned too and if you are wrong there is something else that he has done to trigger your paranoia like hasn't been giving you enough attention or something along those lines recently, so either way you are not crazy :) I would suggest plan to sit down with him (over a coffee or something casual and private) and make time to just discuss with him where you are at in your relationship and where you plan on going. I find that you can make better judgement when you sit down "as friends" and lay it all on the table. Admit that you may have some insecurities but also he needs to be aware of this and respect your concerns.. because after all you are concerned because you love him right and don't want to lose him. Just make out that it isn't an ambush but a grown up conversation and that he has an opportunity to discuss his concerns too and you will try to work out a happy medium for both of you.Everyone has their ups and downs in their relationship but the key is communication and sometimes people need to make time to communicate without any distraction. It is harder to also brush off an issue when you have made the time to discuss it. Best of luck. Just remember if you decide to do this try to put all emotion to one side. Role play like a friend and hopefully you might be able to get some info that will help with your relationship and decision making.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (22 February 2012):
I am not trying to make it worse for you - but you cannot ignore your gut.
HOWEVER with that being said - you may just be picking up on a chemistry between them. Your BF may find her attractive and it's possible nothing is happening.
I think you need to have a long conversation with him. Calmly let him know you dont like what's going on. You say you are friends with her too? Have a conversation with her and tell her you think she's being too flirty or whatever and it's making you uncomfortable. If she's a true friend, she'll back off on him.
For now. Have those conversations and then observe.
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