A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:My daughter is going to university next year after high school.I'm very happy for her, but it is very expensive, especially room and board 1500$ a month.But it is a big city and she will live in the dorm, and that is how much.So we can't really help her too much, and I thought maybe if we would rent a place close to the uni, we could all move there, to save on rent and food.But she wants to be alone, not with parents. I guess its normal. She wants her independence.But with living an tuition, it is very expensive, and she will need student loan.So my questions are.Is it right that she will have to work ,and pay for her education?Should we offer to live with her to save on the living expenses?Or let her just deal with this,and she will decide?Also, is it ok if parents don't pay for education, and let their kids handle that?I just don't want to see her start life with a huge expense.What do you think?
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 I forgot to mention this, but one of my science profs was telling me that when she was at uni (fun with abbreviating words!!) she to acquire a loan to attend a private school, but the quality of education was much better. She said that her parents told her to get the loan, and then they paid the monthly payments after she graduated.
I'm not saying you should or shouldn't do this, but it's an option.
It has always bugged me that in spite of the fact that we live in two of the world's richest countries, that a college degree is so hard to get. One of my best friends is Finnish and he was telling me about how everyone in Europe (the European Union, anyway) goes to university and that no one does wihout college because they can't afford it... the government paid for his study abroad, room and board, everything. People should be able to get what they need.
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female
reader, kaylagal  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Your daughter she should take out her own loans and pay for her room and board. People tend to waste what they don't work for. If she pays on her own she will definitely minimize her expense and be more responsible.
You have already given her a good option - moving close to her and sharing the expense. She turned that down coz she wants to be alone, I can understand why. But leave that option on the table so if things get hard she can ask you to move closer.
I paid my own way thru college, lived on my own and worked.
If you're not wealthy you shouldn't have to pay for her tuition and $1500 monthly bill. I now own my home and my mortgage and monthly expenses are not even that high.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Here's what I think. Maybe if you can AFFORD to help pay for her school, then you should try. I mean school is very important. But if you can't afford at all, and it isn't in your budget, that's what student loans and scholarships are for. She can apply for those easily, just by contacting the school and asking a few questions. As for living expenses? As a parent, you have no obligation to that. If she wants an apartment of her own, she should have to work for it. Getting a job and working toward a goal will help her in the long run. Much more so than you just handing her money. She is eighteen now, so her responsibility is her own. You have done a good job raising her obviously, because she wants to go to school. Now it's her turn to pick up some slack.
I personally am transferring to a uni after college, and I pay for my school through loans and scholarships. My parents have offered me a room in their house as long as I am going to school full time. If I want to move out, I have to work enough to pay for an apartment. Offering her a place in your house is a good alternative too. After all, class is more important than any 'freedom' that she may be wanting. And anyway, that need for freedom might push her to work during the summers and pay for her own place to live.
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female
reader, Girly123  +, writes (18 June 2009):
I think the best option is to make her work in the summer. I know how expensive living and education costs, i'm right in the middle of it!
Getting a job during school really depends on the amount of work the child can handle. University in the first year is tough, especially transitioning from high school to university. They are caught up in the amount of work they have, new friends, meeting new people and trying to maintain all of their priorities.
I do think that having a job while in school will help your child learn the responsibilities of money and also the value as to how much her schooling actually costs. A lot of students have their parents pay for it and they just do whatever they want because to them, it's as free as highschool with more independance. Having a job will keep her head leveled.
A student loan can be tough, especially coming out of school, you don't want to be paying that off for years after you graduate. It really depends on her major, some jobs have an almost guarantee to have jobs when they come out.
I think if she wants independance, give it to her. She will resent you if you don't. BUT, you also have to have to sit her down and explain the situation to her. It is important to keep her in the loop.
best of luck to you.
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reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (18 June 2009):
I am going to be honest when I say that it's unfortunate that so many students have to struggle to get something as important as a college education... particularly in a wealthy country. As someone who had to work nearly full-time and paid my own tuition, I can tell you that it's not the ideal situation. I'm not blaming the parents, and if I could go back in time, I would have done some things differently.
I worked nearly full-time at a Belk store, and there were things I liked about it, and I was grateful for the money, but I missed out on a lot of the little things that made college special. I wanted badly to be on the equestrian team, but I had to give that up because I worked so many hours, and I didn't get to have a social life, and I look back and in retrospect, there's a void where all my memories should be. It's like looking at an empty picture frame. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, because I know you want what's best for your child, but I've been there and I'm hoping that my perspective can help you.
What about a scholarship? Even a partial scholarship
A lot of people are eligible for scholarships and grants they aren't aware of. I would talk to your local reference librarian abour your situation, he'll probably have the resources that just might help you.
Also, another idea is to discuss the situation with your daughter's high school guidance counselor. Often people in the field are aware of options that you may not know exist.
I'm from Florida originally, and here is USA one option is to attend a community college (a two year college) and then transfer as a junior. I imagine they have something similar in Canada. The obvious advantage is being able to save money for university, but the obvious disadvantage is that you have less time to spend at the university that will be your alma mater.
Perhaps work-study? She could work a semester, attend school a semester. Just a thought.
I think that you should research and talk to people, and lay out all your options.
You have to be resourceful. Perhaps it would help to make a list of all your resources... people, books, internet sites, financial aid office at school, teachers, etc.
Remember, there's always another option.
Best of luck to you... I've been there, like I said, and it sucks to struggle. Hope my advice helps, though.
I came to this site because of a guy, but now I have my own column, and I'm here to help out others. I've found that the things I've learned the hard way, are the experiences that help others with their problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): The costs that go with higher education are very high, and the US is known to be the most expensive. This is a sad and unjust truth in our society.
First of all, while she might plead for her independence right now, independence is a product of responsibility and she is in no position to assume full responsibility at her age. Many students work while they go to college but I would not suggest she work during her first year. College will present great new opportunities for her as well as a lot of unforeseen stresses and temptations. The first year she should use to get acclimated to her new life.
Just because she is 18 and legally an adult doesn't mean that she is ready to assume all the responsibilities that come with being an adult. It is a fine line, she needs your help and guidance more than ever but also a certain amount of freedom so that she can grow.
It sounds like you need to sit down as a family to discuss what she and you and your husband can contribute to the situation. Make her do some research about the scholarship opportunities that are available through her university as well outside independent scholarships (such as fastweb.org). Make her apply for every scholarship she is eligible for as well as doing some summertime work.
If getting an apartment together is more financially feasible for your family, then you will have to put your foot down. Don't loose sight of the objective, which is for her to get a good education and not for her to pretend she is a character on a sitcom living in a big city on her own. With time maybe she will be in a position to get a job and maybe share an apartment with friends...but that is not the present situation and you have to explain that to her.
You need to remember that she is in many ways still a child, at the very least she is financially dependent on you. I think that if you and your husband are able you should certainly contribute to her education. Some parents contribute to their child's wedding and think it is the most important investment. But really consider it...this is her education...these next few years will have a impact on the rest of her life. It is more important than all the sweaters, lip gloss, cds and first car that you bought her.
Just sit down, make a plan, be honest and realistic about what your able to finance. The first part of being an adult is realizing we don't get everything we want immediately.
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