A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im 20 been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now.i moved from a small town in scotland to a big city to be with him. Everythings been great we get on well and been through so much together. We both have okay jobs here and an okay house. However last week we went to scotland together to see my family and we had such a great time, my family and friends were so welcoming ,happy to see me i forgot what nice people were like as everyone seems so rude here, i felt at home again and met my new baby sister who i will rarely now see once a year... Not to mention the roads were quiet,streets were deserted the views were just as beautiful as i remember and now i am totally torn up.I love my partner to bits but he says he'd never move from this big ity due to his job and the house and he thinks ge wouldnt get a job in.scotland. but i just long to go back to the small town we visited and start fresh there away from this polluted hectic depressing place. I just want to have my family around me as i never see anyone here and i have no friends and no one to talk to. What can i do. How can i convince him that moving from this city to our family will be better for us? ? I dont want to be stuck in a city for the rest of my life. I just feel like my lifes ticking away , i cannot.make friends and i just feel miserable. Even though im in a lovely area, its still a big city to me. Im torn between my head- boyfriend ,job,house and my heart- family,friends and moments ill never have again..And i dont know what to choose. Any advice would be much appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 I can completely relate with you OP, I'm a small town girl too, but I have to like in a huge city away from everyone because of my studies. I hated it, still do and I think I've grown really bitter because of the whole thing...there is a lot of anger within me because of the fact that I was torn away from my family to study in a place that I hated but I had no other option. When I applied I had never imagined that I would get through, one degree led to another and since it was the best place in the country for my subject of study, I'm still stuck there. Its done wonders for me academically but personally I hate it. That's the price I had to pay for my choice.
All I can say is, follow your heart OP, because the worst thing is to look back and regret. At least you will be happy if you move back to your family and your home town and for me that is the most important thing. Of course you have to first see the job scene there and look for a job before you take any major decision. Only when you have something substantial in hand should you move back, because once you are used to your money and your independence, you will not like anything less than that.
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (18 June 2012):
OP I'm in a similar position. I live with my husband many miles away from my family. It takes a day for me to get home which makes it both time consuming and expensive to visit.
I would also love to move back, however, at the moment, it's not convenient. It's the long term plan, but it wouldn't work for either my OH or me at the moment. I make sure I plan plenty of visits home on a regular basis- once a month if I can, or maybe every 6 weeks. Booking in advance means it's cheaper, and also I get to look forward to regular visits so I don't get so down being so far away.
I used to visit twice, perhaps 3 times a year, and I really felt like I lost touch. ALL my relatives live in one small place so I have to head back there to see everyone. If you can't move back now then make plans to visit regularly and see what happens in the future. Is there any particular reason you can only see your baby sister once a year, or is it just because you don't get home much?
Where do your partner's family live by the way?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Statistically speaking, you're going to move back. Or you're going to move to a similar area as that one you grew up in. Once born on the quieter country side... well, it'll never leave you. It is rare really that those who move away don't want to go back. It is only if something keeps you from moving back home that you don't do it. At least, that is what studies show in Norway. I know, I worked on such a study a few years ago. Statistics do wary from Norway to other countries though about WHEN and how many who move back. But it basically comes down to opportunity.
Right now moving back doesn't seem like an opportunity to you. You need work, you need a place to live etc. That is difficult to come by on the country side. And, statistically, men from the country side move back with a wife they found in the city, whereas women tend to stay with their man. I think that's based on how we were brought up, women tend to follow the man.
Anyway. If you WANT to move back, and I do not doubt that you want it, and I think you WILL move back as well, at some point.. Well, you need to get your man on board or drop him and find someone who will want to go back home with you. There are men who want to move to the country side you know.
You've been with your man 3 years, maybe by now you know if he's going to ever want to move back home with you, or if he is determined to stay. If he wants to stay then end it with him. You can still live in the city, for as long as needed or wanted, but look for a man with the same interests and goals as you: someone who wants to move to Scotland eventually, or someone who would enjoy living on the country side. There are tons of men like this out there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): I am actually going through the same deal right now with ny fiancee we live in Louisiana and I want to move back home to Sacramento, California because when we went back I realized how much I miss it and my family, only problem is he won't budge on the idea of it at all because he is comfortable here. I told him to at least give it a try 6 months to test the waters, he still is kinda iffy. I told him that truthfully I'm not happy here at all, and that I don't want to make him do anything that he doesn't want to because that would me being selfish. I don't want to wake up 5 years from now realizing I wasted time and my life on him when deep down I wasn't happy. I'm only 23 so I feel your pain. Honestly do what makes you happy.
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female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 I would say its time to go home, but thats mostly because it freaks me out that you have been living with a guy since the age of 18...This will be heart breaking though, losing him but you are young and ,maybe city life is not for you?Then again, I am a big city girl, and I think we are misunderstood... We are not unfriendly, its just that in a city everyone is just a number, and there's no time to make a fuss of every one. How about you go home again, alone, for a fortnight or so and just clear your head and spend time with sis?you may find that adjusting back home might not be as easy as you thought, and perhaps you are a town mouse after all. Anyway, at your age I think it would be nice to be home for a year or so... You moved out far too young, theres plenty of time for that nonsense... :)Much love...
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