A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 6 months and have recently moved in with him. We love each other and treat each other really well but for some reason I find it hard to feel satisfied in our relationship.I feel jealous and angry when he leaves me at home alone to go out with his mates on a work night and doesnt come home until 11pm and doesnt txt me at all. I feel really unattractive and hurt when I find out hes been watching porn. He has trouble staying errect sometimes so we only have sex about once a week and iv been on a diet and have lost weight but he still doesnt initiate sex with me much. He says im sexy and beautiful but his actions dont make me feel attractive. I freak out when he goes clubbing with his friends ((male and female) because he changes when hes drunk and acts too cool for me and is extra nice to girls. He even took a photo of a girl on his phone but he told me about it and showed it to me so at least hes honest. It was some sort of joke with his friend. I do trust him but I dont trust other girls cause the way he behaves probably leads them on. He went out friday night and he didnt txt me all night and he got home at 3am wasted. It took me 3 hours to get to sleep from worry then 2 hours to get back to sleep when he got home cause I was so angry.When he goes out without me I feel so angry, lonely and miserable and end up staying home all night crying. I do have friends but most of them have kids or hang out with a crowd that I dont want to associate with so I end up not having anywhere to go. I dont know what to do. Im trying to be strong and confident and I spend a lot of time exercising after work and get home excited to spend time with my man and most of the time hes busy all night or too tired. In the weekends he does spend time with me but it usually consists of watching movies and staying home doing chores. We had so much fun when we first got together and now I feel so bored and not satisfied even though I love him so so much. Hes a bit of a lazy boyfriend but hopefully he will start doing more with me. How can I get rid of my neediness and jealousy or at least tone it done a bit? Help :(
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male
reader, Fionnlagh +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I believe relationships wax and wane periodically and when people start questioning their own feelings about the relationship, sadly most people run for the hills without ever communicating and addressing their concerns with their partner.You know that you need to talk to him intimately about this, eventually. Communication is paramount, and what is love but the communication of feelings between two people?I also believe that spending quality time together – and I don’t mean at home anywhere near a television, but going out somewhere and making a day of it – strengthens a relationship. All the books I’ve read on relationships and gender differences agree that women enjoy conversational dates more so than men, who prefer more action orientated/doing things dates. Strike a balance and if he is as lazy as you say then take the initiative to ask him. Your needs are just as important as his.Jealousy hurts, but I like to think that it reflects how much you care. Personally, I tend to get upset simply over other couples PDA and I do get jealous over my closest friends even, but to feel alone and jealous and wanting to be doted on is an admirable trait. Those feelings underline who you are. Try not to misinterpret them as sad and then let that get the better of you. Some people are just more sensitive than others.Relationship wise this may sound off topic, but try channeling your anger and jealously towards something creative. A personal diary would even do, or talk it out with someone.I’m not down with clubbing culture or alcohol so I can’t comment on that, but I do think he should at least be aware that he may be devoting more time to his mates than to his partner, if that is how you truly feel. Less time apart and more time together can only be a good thing; if that is what you want from him, don’t hide the truth. I certainly wouldn't put up with that, but only because I'm happily single.Science has proven that pornography is detrimental to the male mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU so don’t you think for a second that it’s because you are unattractive that he is unable to stay erect. You are attractive and always will be regardless of what you think other people think. No one can take that away from you. Your man's mind's electrical signals are out of whack and he doesn't even know it. They have over-the-counter drugs for this type of thing too if he's willing.I was in a similar position a few years ago. I was just going with the flow in our relationship but in hindsight I wasn’t living up to my obligations as a boyfriend. We broke up, but that separation was one of the most significant moments in my life. What ever you decide to do will be for the best, both ways. Just remember to take care of yourself first and foremost.Smile :)
A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 You just described my own relationship right now! My partner can be exactly the same! The way I've found works it just to think extremely logically about what I would be doing if I were him, and honestly I would just dance and drink and probably look at guys and then go home and enjoy my bed and my partner :)Thinking out situations like that rather than feeling them helps me see clearly that it's not always a negative thing. If you feel you need to, maybe have a talk to him briefly about equality and satisfaction in the relationship.
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