A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Not sure if anyone can help but I have a 17 month old little boy, I split from his dad 9 months ago after he cheated on me with my friend. My ex doesn't bother with my little boy. I have had a tough time has you can imagine and it is fair to say that it has took some getting to where I am now. I am doing my best to move on with my life has hard has it might be. What is getting to me is when everyone looks at my son and keep telling me how much he liiks like his dad. I know he looks like his dad, he is the spitting image of his dad, he is my baby and do not need reminding of how much he does look like his dad. Whats is worse is it is the same people, family and friends that are doing it and they don't just say it the once, its is all the time and when they do keep saying it I start to get upset because I never wanted any of this, I never wanted for my son to be without his dad, he has hurt us both so much and when they talk about him and keep saying those things its hard for me. Am I over reacting and should I just leave it or I am right, I don't know. I would like to say something but I am afraid of upsetting anyone. Any help greatly appreciated!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): Thank you very much LoveGirl. You are the only one that makes sense and understands where I am coming from. It has been a tough year for me and I am coping, my little boy hardly sees his dad. I am not over what happened, probably won't be for a while but I am trying to get on with my life and I am focusing on my little boy. He looks like his dad and he is the spitting image of him and I can cope with that, he is my baby, I just don't ned the same people constantly telling me thats all, I don't mind once in a while but when its every day then thats when it was starting to get to me but they seem to have stopped now anyway which is a good thing. But thank you very much for your response!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): OP hugs from me. U are Not Immature. U just prefer if everyone doesnt keep on bringing up your ex's name. Ok so your boy looks like his dad. Next time someone tells u this: either tell him politely yes he does but can we not mention the ex Or if u feel they are intentionally trying to rile you: ask them who do u expect him to look like, the milkman? Learn to laugh about these things. Laughter is good for your soul.
Im glad u are not pining away for your ex or waiting for him to come back to u. That bastard destroyed u when he cheated with your friend.
Huin u have evry right to hurt. So hurt, cry and then heal. I think i have read your previous posts over the months. Your ex did dirt to u. Its time now to heal. When u are all together tell them all, yes Baby looks like his dad BUT u now prefer for them not to mention your ex again.
Does he see your kid? Or has he also left your kid as well?
Hun u are over the worse. U are NOT childish but u are very hurt. Thus far u have handled this betrayal well. Sometimes people who love us are also insensitive and they do say the wrong things.
Hey kiddo, dry those eyes. Ask the family to take care of baby and u get dressed, put on some make up and go have some fun. U have not had any since this nightmare started.
I wish u well...
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): I appreciate what you are saying and has I have said time and time again that I am well well aware that my son looks like his dad, yes it is going to happen throughout his life and that is fine. All I am saying is surely the 'family and friends' that are saying it over and over again at the moment well I am going through this rough time should be a little bit more considerate. And with all due respect, I cannot just GET OVER what my husband did to me, that is going to take time and that is something I have HAD to come to terms with. I am not asking for them not to ever say it again...but everytime I see them is getting a little bit much. Thank you for your advise but to be honest I feel that you have not really been that helpful. You have called me 'immature' and told me to 'get over it'. I didn't come on here to be called that. May I should of asked for opinions off people that have been through the same has I am going through and then maybe I would of got some better advise. I don't think they are doing it deliberately at all, I just think they are not thinking. I have not once said anything nasty about them on here, I am being nice about it and trying to understand the situation. Maybe this wasn't the best place for me to come for the advise. Thanks
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I have reread your posts and stick to my opinion. These people aren't trying to hurt your feelings and you should do your best to understand that. I never said you were malicious. I said that the people making the comments about your son's appearance are not purposefully being malicious, meaning that they are not trying to upset you. They are simply in amazement. People will make comments like this throughout your child's life and you really just need to come to terms with it. Sure, this is a hard time, but these comments will continue no matter what time you are going through. So that is why I suggest you--for lack of better terminology--get over it. However, you can always ask the people to stop saying stuff. They likely will not, though, and might find the request ridiculous, as what they are doing is mostly harmless.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): I do not think for a min that my reaction is immature at all. Has I have said in my previous response I am aware that my boy looks like his dad and that is fine, I do not have a problem with that at all. I do not have a problem with people saying that he looks like his dad, its going to happen and I accept that. My issue is has stated that it is the same people that are doing it regular, its not once in a blue moon or anything like its a regular occurrance. I love my little boy more then life itself and I chose to have my boy with this man and therefore I would be stupid if I thought for one min my son wouldn't look like him. I do not think you have read my posts correctly at all. I am not being a bitch or malicious at all, this is my life and more importantly my sons life. I will always make sure my son knows about his dad even if his dad cannot be bothered with him. Is it too much to ask for people (the same people that keep saying it) to just be a bit more respectful to me during this tough time in my life until I work through things. I am not expecting for my ex never to be mentioned again because that is going to happen and like I said I will make sure my baby knows about him even if he cant be bothered, I just need time to work things out and get through one of the worst times of my life!! Has I have said I think you have either read my posts incorrectly or you are misinterpreting what I have said.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (27 November 2011):
Your ex is always going to be a part of your life, as you have a child. Even if he isn't around, that child is the reminder. If people were trying to chat about your ex and discuss him with you, I understand getting irritated. However, if people are only mentioning the resemblance because it is striking and just amazing how genetics work, your reaction is a bit immature. Sure, the wound of the break up is there and still slightly open. But these people aren't meaning to be malicious or rude to you. They are just amazed by the miracle of procreation. You are overreacting and need to step back to reconfigure your point of view. Your son looks like his Dad. That won't change. So come to terms with it and just enjoy raising your son. You have a beautiful baby to be thankful for!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): I am very aware that my son will always have his dad in him and probably will always look like him and I am absolutely fine with that. I can cope with people I haven't seen in a while, the people that don't know what has happened but when it is the people that have helped me through this, friends/family and they know how hard it has and still is for me then I just think it is unfair that they keep mentioning him to me. They haven't just said it once, they say it over and over for example I was told again 'I know I keep saying this but god he is like his dad'. Now they know they keep saying it so why don't they stop, This was a man I loved and I chose to have my child with him and therefore I would be stupid if I thought it was never going to be said to me because of course it is and that I can cope with. It is because it is the people that know what has happened and know the ins and outs of everything that has happened that keep saying it. It upsets me because my sons dad doesn't bother with him and it isn't fair on my son. He has hurt us both so much and I do try not to think about him then suddenly...bam someone will say that. Like I said it is going to happen but all the time from friends and family that know is getting a bit much now thats all. They have been there for me and I don't want to upset them!!
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (26 November 2011):
 You could try saying something like. Hey we are having a hard time rite now coming to terms with all thats happened and i love my son very much. I wish his dad hadn,t gone with someone else but he has. Reminding me of how much he looks like him all the time upsets me . I know he looks like his dadand im sure you mean no harm but i can,t hear this anymore i am a part of him too and i need to know that your on my side with this!
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 November 2011):
 I can understand how you do not need the constant reminder of your ex from other people, maybe if they say it to you again --- tell them they've mentioned it to you already!
Also your babys growing so his facial features will more than likely change over time so i dont think you'll be hearing this comment forever :)
I dont think these people are delibrately being nasty its just an observation they've made, try and ignore it the best you can...
your baby is bound to have something from his father so just appreciate the good things hes inherited from his dad :)
Hope this helps!
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