A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 24 and my boyfriends 36. we have been together for 2 years and like every relationship have had our ups and downs. He has a 12 year old daughter who is real nice girl. We live in New York and her mom lives in Florida. This Thanksgiving I spent with his family and we were all chit chatting and im not sure how it was brought up but my boyfriends brothers wife started talking about his daughter saying she has been through alot and how she wished her mom and dad were still together, That put me in a real weird situation, dating someone with a kid is a huge deal but the fact that she wishes her parents were still together makes me feel like an outsider. I do love my boyfriend but to be real honest but he comes with alot and i sometimes wonder if im ready for that. i am not sure what to do please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): I was told that a lady called Dr Laura once said never marry anyone with kids until the kids have left home. I feel this holds true. The fact that you have posted this question says to me that you are not ready for this yet. I am with a man who has four kids from three different mothers and I absolutely hate it. It is such a struggle and the 'mothers' hate you and the kids are difficult and there is never any money. I really would not recommend this to anyone and especially not to one so young who could easily find untouched new childless men out there in your age group who you could make your own family with. It is very hard to have the mindset to deal with this kind of thing, I can't do it and not everyone can. The 12 year old was not being mean to you she just would like it back the way it was with mummy and daddy together as all children would. Don't take it personally in any way just be really sure this is for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong in admitting it if it isn't , no one will think any less of you - some people relish these situations other people don't like it or want it at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): don't let the comments of a 12 year old derail you. it's natural for a kid to want her parents back together because she has no clue what it was like for the adults involved. She doesn't know the pain and hurt they caused each other. She also has no clue that her life would probably be more miserable if her parents were actually still together (because miserable parents make their kids miserable). I think that if she is having a very difficult time adjusting to life with her parents divorced, then it's her parents' responsibility to do a better job of framing the situation and moving forward. I'd say that this is not your problem. And if you and your bf become long term and eventually marry, you will establish a new familial relationship with his daughter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): I have never met anyone who has come from a broken home (unless it was abusive) who didn't wish their parents were still together. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, it doesn't mean she doesn't want you around. She just wishes that life was easier where she wasn't moved between them all the time and could have her family unit back. Don't take it personally, if it's too much for you then end the relationship, but if you want to hang in there realise how hard it is.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 You will always get weird awkward situations in partners who have exes and kids.It sounds like you are not ready yet for all this. Maybe just dating and keeping the other very seperate is what you still need rite now.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Yep, your boyfriend and his daughter are a package deal.
I'm sure she wishes that her parents could be together, nearly all children who's parents are split feel that way. I can see why because of the huge distance between them, that way it would be easier on her. It's nothing personal against you.
Taking on a boyfriend with a child is a LOT to handle, sometimes too much when you throw in baby's mother drama, and your boundaries with the child. It's a deal breaker for some people. So if this is just more than you bargained for, it's best to break up. That's understandable.
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