A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need help figuring out if my husband is gay or bisexual. I have a gay brother and we have been going out with him pretty regular to the local gay club. I have no problem hanging out there just to be around my brother. This past weekend we were in there and my husband walked away from me without telling me where he was going. When I got up I found him on the dance floor with him and another guy all over each other. He had been drinking and tried to use that for an excuse. The guy he was dancing with is one we all know(including my husband)has been into my husband for a while now. He has also been doing other things like asking me to use a strap-on for him and telling me "I would want to be with a guy,because he is hot". His mom told me a while back that everyone thought he was gay or bisexual growing up because he has a very bad feminine side to him and just the way he acted and things he did but she never went into detail. He has also stopped having as much sexual interest in me. We have only been married four years and have three kids together. Please help me figure it all out! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, zayn +, writes (4 October 2008):
 i'm bisexual. i have friends who are bisexual. maybe this term is thrown around these days to be cool. but it's also a reality for some people.
your husband may want to have sex with men. but he also enjoys sex with women or he would not be with you.
this situation calls for some honest talk between you two. whether he wants sex with a man or another woman, you can't let this thing go. especially since you two have kids.
are you a couple in a monogamous relationship or not? and stop going to gay bars. or any sex-oriented bars at all.
be real...
peace
A
male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (19 August 2008):
Gay. Your husband is interested in guys. I sometimes say things like "Matthew McConaughey is ripped! Did you see his abs!" But that is just admiring his fit body (i'm over weight). Your husband didn't even say "if i was a girl, i would get with him". Even that statement would be iffy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Dear anonymous female, kindly be informed that calling someone ignorant and asking people not to listen to them is not only rude, but also ignorant in itself. You need help my dear. And for the original asker, your husband certainly has a secret homosexual side. I know that what I am going to say may sound strange, but given the fact that you can't be sure what activities he might've hid, ask him to go get ELISA test for HIV. I know this sounds so irrelevant, but be cautious of the unknown.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Thank you for siding with me on this Khandi. You're a brave soul for agreeing with an "old opinionated male chauvinist."
Its funny how the annymous female who said not to listen to me then went on to prove one of my points. Most straight women are not intersted in Gay guys (or Bi guys if you insist in the term). Yeah, you got into a situation where you got "rescued" from dating a Bi (Gay) guy! LOL... Point proven. So you were saying....
And then the questioner herself echoed the same thought when she said "I don't wanna be married to a gay guy even if we do have kids."
Also, Ms annonymous I what I said is called an opinion. Its an opinion shared by the majority of straight men on this planet..and a few smart gals like Khandi.
I know what you're trying to say..I didnt just land on this planet clueless. I watch MTV just like you. Yes, a Bi guy is a guy who goes both ways. I am aware of that. All I said was the term BI is meaningless to a straight guy like me. Andrew Dice Clay, and I really hate quoting Dice, said it best. "If I guy sucks D**k he's gay. End of story." These are the words of a dumb comedian, but they happen to be true. What kind of facts do you want from me???
The term "Bi" was never around and in use 10 years ago, It was a PC term that was created by the Gay community. How old are you Ms Annoymous? Did you ever use the term "Bisexual" in the 80's or even much of the 90's? Of course not. You want facts...those are the facts!
TV shows like MTV's Shot at love with Tila Tequila have made it cool to embrace Bi-sexuality as a whole new category of sexuality. But bi-sexuality is still not as tabboo for women as it is for men. FACT!
But look...what I said is an opinion. You can take it or leave it.
"Once again mountains crumble"....
WAR OUT!
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A
female
reader, Khandi +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Sorry but your husband is SO GAY and he has let you know that and so has his family, i just hope that he has not had an affair, but you have to ask yourself if this is true what are you willing to do? live with it or leave it? he may not want to admit it out of his mouth that he is gay.I have met and personaly know straight men who dont have issues with gay men as long as they dont try to hit on them, but I dont know any of them who are willing to go in and hang out in a gay bar what would they have in a gay bar that a straight man wants?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou said my thoughts exactly. I have no problem with my brother being gay but I don't wanna be married to a gay guy,even if we do have kids. I will say again though where I was talking about the guy being hot,yes,he did say the guy was hot,but he was saying I(as in me) would wanna be with this guy because he was hot. Granted even I think he meant I as in him and was just saying me to cover his own butt(so to speak). I agree though gay is gay no matter what the situation. Thanks for the input,you just said my thoughts right back to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Don't listen to SamuraiRick, he is just one of those old opinionated male chauvinists that spews retoric that he comes up with from his own biased mind, no facts to back it up, just his ignorant opinions. Given what you have told us, your husband could be bi or gay, but only he knows the truth. Just to clarify the difference for SamuraiRick, if you are bi, you are interested in both sexes (bi=two), if you are gay, you are only interested in one sex (this holds true for men and women).I had two gay neighbors that lived next door to us for 7 years and I learned a lot from them regarding this matter. This is not just my opinion. Both of my neighbors were married before they met each other. They had a difficult time coming to terms with their sexuality because of the stigma attached to being gay. They did not want to hurt their families and wanted desperately to fit into society. When they met each other both realized they couldn't fight it any longer and they spent many happy years together until they parished together.Now, during the time they lived next door, they had many parties, they knew how to through great parties. The parties were attended by people from all walks of life. One man in particular, I will never forget. He was the most stunning man I had ever seen in person that was not a movie star. He flirted with me all night and I was quite smitten with his attention.....my neighbor finally came over and rescued me to say he is bi and had a bad reputation for being slutty.So....no one here can tell you the truth about your husband. He may just have had a little too much too drink. He might enjoy going to the bar, since he is with you he is safe in his manhood since no-one will assume he is gay that way. He may just be experimenting. He could be bi.....what I'm saying is, only HE knows the truth. It is he you should be asking.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (2 July 2008):
Okay here is the straight story from a straight guy: Your husband is GAY.
Reason number 1: he goes with you to Gay bars. I don't care what the excuse is, brother, friend, or whatever... if he hangs with you there he is not a straight guy. The gay comminity will probably disagree with me, but me and any REAL straight guy will tell you, if you are a guy who goes to gay bars, you are GAY.
Reason number 2: He danced with another guy! Nuf said.
Reason number 3:Asking you to use a strap-on. I wonder why?
Reason number 4:Saying he desires to be with another guy because he is HOT? FYI: If you are a straight guy NO OTHER GUY IS HOT! That's it, end of story. A straight guy can't even conceive of another guy as hot. It's just unthinkable.
Reason number 5:Mom's testimony. If mom doesn't know her son, no one does.
Now here is where i ususually get in trouble. There is no such thing as bisexuality in men. It is a myth that certain feminized men and a lot of women believe because they dont know how men think.
I am a straight man. I personally do not accept this word being thrown around as if to put people in a third type of class: Bisexual..not for men. By definition to any straight guy like myself, any man who sleeps with any other man is GAY. If this same man sleeps with women too, he is still GAY.... not less GAY, not Bisexual...GAY.
Before you throw stones at me i am not saying GAY is a dirty word. If you're gay, you're gay. SO be it. Live and let live is what I say. I am not bothered by Gays the lifestyle or anything like that. But don't come to me and tell me you are any less gay because you sleep with women and call yourself BI. That don't fly with a straight guy! If you are gay, you are gay, and dont try to sugar-coat it by saying you also sleep with women.
What I am saying in the long run is there is a hard dividing line (no pun intended) between straight guys and gays. Whereas that line is softer with women, and it is more acceptable for women to be called Bi, because of that soft line. There is a middle-ground for women...There is NO middle-ground for men
And here's the telling part of it. Any straight guy will go out with a Bi girl, even if he knows her past. In fact a lot of guys would even want to be part of a threesome with two girls. But with a straight girl, knowing another man has slept with other men, places in him in the gay category, and less of a "real" man in her eyes. I'm just calling it as I see it.
But all this is getting back to why I think the husband in question here is Gay. The only thing left is for him to sleep with another guy, and well then that's it. Man overboard!
I think you should help him embrace his gayness and set him up with a gay encounter....this guy he danced with seems like the right one to do it. Is sleeping with brother-in-law taboo? Oh, well, I won't go there...
Anyway, good luck with the gay husband!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried to talk to him,but he doesn't ever respond to any questions about him being gay or bisexual. He pretty much just avoids the topic and changes the conversation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question**When I said "I would want to be with this guy," he was saying I as in me not himself.
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A
female
reader, soulcal  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 maybe he is just having fun or maybe he is findong his real sexuality and experimenting.if he was gay he would try and tell you nicely without doing it behind your back but wait a couple of months to see if he changes if your worried just talk to him.i ope this helps xx
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