A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years I am 22 and he's 21. We live together as well as his brother in a 2 bedroom apartment, but in about 2 months we will have an actual home. Their dad is buying it and we are renting it from him. my guy and I have had our ups and downs but we still love eachother no matter what. Lately I have been thinking about having a baby for a few reasons. 1)Its with someone that I love and know 2)I kinda have the mentality that if I had a baby with him I would have started my little family. 3) I know that he would never leave me high and dry, he would be a father. So these are all good things to me, I know he wants to have kids but a while from now. Another thing is he is a very and I mean very sexual person so he knows what could happen during all of the times we have sex. But I am on birth control pills. I am confiding in all of you because I would like to know if this is a crazy thing to want right now. and would I be a totally psychotic girlfriend if I just stopped taking my pills or didnt take them at the same time with out telling him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): You can't have a baby based on lies, it's not fair to your boyfriend and it is very manipulative... You've gotten some brillant advice so you better listern. Your boyfriend will hate this, he will hate you and resent the kid. If you want a child, you need to speak to your boyfriend and convince him that it's something you need to do... If you lie, if you cheat, he will hate you for the rest of his life. No man likes to feel trapped and no man likes to be with a woman he can't trust....
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female
reader, Angle79  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 Wanting a baby is not Crazy.
But sweetie, i strongly suggest you talk to you boyfriend. You do not want to be pregnant alone! So, share with and see how he feels. Goodlucy my dear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): You have gotten a lot of good advice on this, but I will add my thoughts anyway. Spome of the most important things in any good and lasting relationship are: HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, CARING. If you do this then you will be violating all of them in one action. If you hide it from him then it is even worse and you don't deserve him at all. If he finds out he would have every right to dump you and fight his responsibility in court. No, I'm not being kind, but I abhor this kind of dishonisty.
Now for the right thing to do: Discuss your desire with him. Be calm and back off for a while if it looks like an argument might ensue. Having children is one of the most important decisions that a couple can make in life. It is something that must be the decision of both of the people in the relationship. Sure, it happens by accident sometimes, but then it is the responsibility of both partners. If you do this, you will certainly not be the first dishonest woman to do this and will not be the last. However, you will be as bad and underserving of the other person as the rest of them. The man and the woman are both responsible for having children or not having children. If either one of them does something to trick their partner then they are not worthy of that partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): I'm surprised the other posters are being so civil in their advice.
I think what you're considering should be a prosecutable crime.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): If you love each other so much and you know he wouldn't leave you high and dry then why is it so difficlut to just talk to him about having a child instead of tricking him into it?
At least then he can give you his opinion and you both can come to a decision - not just you making his mind up for him and not giving him the choice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Yoou have received great advice from the "uncles and aunts";
I understand that you are feeling broody and that you would like to have a baby; that is not "crazy";
BUT
you must remember there are two very important factors in a relationship that you have to PRATICE now;
TRUST and COMMUNICATION
Should you stop the pill without telling your boyfriend or without discussing it with him; you will be damaging the TRUST between the two of you; he might not be able to forgive you or might have problems ever TRUSTING you again; DO NOT risk destroying his trust;
I suggest you discuss your feelings with him and you might be surprise; he might understand your feelings and emotions and the two of you will be able to plan when to start a family.
HONEST open Communication is the SOLUTION;
Plan your future and:
It is wonderful to plan a baby together;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (9 August 2008):
 All the Aunts and Uncles are giving you great advise here,please take note what they are telling you.
I think you should sit down and discuss every type of commitment with him, ie marriage, children and buying a house. You guys really need to know if you are going to be 100% committed and have a lifelong future together. It would not be fair to the child, if the you went ahead and got pregnant and then your bf finds out you have deceived him and then ups and leaves. Children are 24/7 commitment, its not all pink roses in the garden, they are demanding, expensive and extremely hard work. As they get older, they want the latest toys, clothes, trainers etc etc.
Wait until you guys have got settled into your house and then make plans TOGETHER. That way you can save up for the future and will be able to afford to have children when the time comes.
You guys have got years ahead before you have kids, you are still very young and trust me on this one it will be well worth the wait.
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reader, lexilou +, writes (9 August 2008):
 If you get pregnant on purpose without telling him then you risk losing him. If he finds out you lied then you will have destroyed all the trust he ever had in you and how will you know if he is only staying with you for the baby or not?
He could leave you and that would mean you are bringing up a child who wont have a daddy to take care of him or her. Babies seem cute and cuddly and lots of people think they will bring you closer to your partner. WRONG!!! They are hard work and for a lot of couples its a very stressful time and they can actually push you further apart. Babies grow up into demanding toddlers.
He may ask you to leave as its his fathers house, where would you and a baby go??
Its normal to feel how you do, wanting his babies etc but wait until the time is right, get settled into your new home. Find out what his intention are for the future, do you plan to get married etc. Dont trap him its not fair on him or a baby to do this x
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reader, Country Woman +, writes (9 August 2008):
 This is just plain unfair I'm afraid.
Your bf is trusting you right now to take your pill and he is confident in his own mind that you are having SAFE sex right now. OK there are no guarantees when someone is on the pill but if you stop taking it without telling him then you are forcing a decision of a baby on him which just isn't right.
You are both still very young and the fact that you have this little picture in your head of a happy family is just not reality.
Believe me when a baby comes into the equation it is a whole other ball game. You have sleepless nights and nappies and your freedom for going out when you want and having money in your purse just doesn't exist. Babies are expensive and if you working right now what is going to happen once you are too pregnant to work or what happens after the baby is born and who is going to look after it then?
You need to talk properly to your bf and don't be sneeky and go behind his back. Sounds to me like this is just something you want right now and the fact that you are moving into a bigger place should not be the biggest factor to have a child.
OK so your bf is a decent guy but you both need to experience life a bit more and when maybe in a few years time when he says to you I feel ready to have children and settle down properly then you would have forced him into a decision that he may never forgive you for, could you live with that in the future?
Try having a puppy first and see what happens with that before you go down the route of a child as believe me it is very similar but you have to put the needs of the puppy or child first and not your own reasons of just wanting one.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, Dazzerg +, writes (9 August 2008):
 I think you should keep your bf in the loop with regard to these kind of things for two reasons;
a) he has a right to know...yes it's your body but you are in a partnership and you want him to be part of the family you want...
b)if he finds out that you kept this from him it will seriously undermine his trust in you....
good luck :)
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reader, yukiakashi  +, writes (9 August 2008):
 you should explain the whole situation with him. I mean yea, he wants a child. But if he doesnt know when it might be a shock for him. Tell him nicely and ask if he wants the baby. If he's not ready, continue the pills till he gives you the green light. I wish you all the best
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