A
female
age
41-50,
*avish
writes:I need help! Help me get over this mm, I don’t like this relationship that I’m in, as good, great and as much as I love it.. I don’t want to be the other woman.. it hurts.. hurts like hell!!! So help me… how do I break away from this man! I’m sooooooooooooo inlove with him, crazy inlove with him and this is killing me.. I feel sooo bad, sad horrible and worthless aswell.. I feel horrible that I’m sleeping with another woman’s man.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): I was the other woman for 3 years. My 'boyfriend' convinced me that he was going to leave his live-in girlfriend, and that he just needed time. I knew her, and I didn't want to put salt in the wound, so I told him he could do it his way. Those three years were both amazing and horrible. I loved him, and still do in a way, but everytime I would think he would really leave her, he wouldn't. We had a relationship, I never wanted to hurt her, and naively thought I wasn't doing anything wrong, because he didn't love her like he *loved* me. I was wrong. I'm not going to judge you, because I can't, but let me tell you this:
If he loved you the way you love him, he would leave his significant other, no matter what. That's the bottom line. Mine couldn't leave her, and I got fed up with putting my life on hold for him. If you continue down this path, it's just not good. Not going to end well, because you'll always be the *other* woman, not his girlfriend. Not really anyway. My advice is have respect for you, and this guy's significant other, because he's a jerk. He's playing both of you. I didn't want to believe it either, but he's not going to leave her, and you'll never be happy in this relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): you are adult enough . you choose to start sleeping with another womans man, and now you need to choose to stop sleeping with another woman's man.
simple. no fuss. no drama.
the question is do you want to make this choice. you say you feel horrible, but not horrible enough to stop your wayward ways. the choices we make shape us into the adults we are. if we continue to make excuses for our behaviour we will continue to f*ck up and blame eberyone else but ourselves. such a simple choice. you are no blmaeless and powerless. you just choose not to end it. simple.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 I'm going to presume he's married in my answer. First of all, happily married people don't have affairs. Second, you have to factor his dishonesty with his spouse into your feelings for him. Are you ok with his reasons for lying to his wife? Do you believe everything he tells you? I can speak from experience on this issue, as I had a married man pursuing me for quite some time. Despite the fact that I was very attracted to him, and suspected we could have a great relationship, I chose to walk away from a potential affair as I didn't like the idea of being "the other woman", or being part of something based on lies. Not long after that, he left his wife and started a new life on his own. We are now together under honest circumstances, and we do have a great relationship. It's not your fault he has a sham marriage, but if you know he is just a player, then you are wasting your time on someone who's not worth it. If he expects you to be a mistress long-term, he has no respect for you or consideration for your feelings and you deserve better. Good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, complicatedthing +, writes (28 July 2009):
Believe me. I understand. People will judge either way so try not to tell if you can. The negative feedback will make it worse. The best cure is logic and the effective use of time away. Get busy doing stuff, work, activities, volunteering anything to take your focus away if only for an hour or two at a time. There's no explaining feelings. Just find a way to get into you and not him. To me there's a huge difference between loving and being crazy in love. It wears off. Sounds like this is more carnal on his part, but you're emotionally invested. Feeling awful about what has already transpired physically between you is useless. What's done is done. Don't beat yourself up about it. Have a good long cry. Just make better decisions going forward and make sure the next single guy isn't prone to cheating. You're young enough to discover true and abiding love, but don't sacrifice passion for cozy comfort. Get both in one package or keep moving until you hit. I didn't and regret it. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (28 July 2009):
a good book its called codependency no more by claudia black..cost about 25.oo dollars..great book read it this will help you get out of the relationship your in..the other women..take care..
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A
female
reader, scrambled brain  +, writes (27 July 2009):
Are either of you actually married? I have been on the other side of the fence as my husband had a texting affair with a married woman. I presume it is over now although I thought that last year and was proved wrong. You are doing the best thing by stopping it. You will be found out at some point and everyone will be hurt like hell. Please do what your conscience tells you is right.
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