A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My stomach was severely covered in stretch marks after having our first baby. Its been 3 years and I've worked really hard to get back down to my college weight. So I said something to my husband about trying to get back into a bikini. He told me that my stretch marks look bad and they wouldn't look good in a bikini because of that. That REALLY hurt to hear him say that. I got really upset so he said that he didn't care about them but everyone else would think they look bad. He gets mad and expects me not to be insecure but he says things like this and then goes and looks at his perfect porn women when I'm asleep or leave the house. Am I wrong to take this to heart?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): Men who have wifes without stratchmarks look at porn, it has nothing to do with you.
It's not that your husband doesn't find you attractive, heis with you no matter what, he just thinks that it's not a good idea to expose your stratchmarks. For example if you had flat butt, would you wear a thong? I see women on a beach who have hanging flat butts and wear tiny bikini. Why are they doing it, it boggles my mind. I wouldn't wear something that I wore when I was in my teens, because my body is not the same anymore. It doesn't mean my husband doesn't like me, it's just I choose clothes more appropriate.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 September 2013):
 Two things. One, bio oil, miracle worker if your stretch marks are still purple and two, the vast majority of women have stretch marks. I'm a size 2 and I've got them. It is part of being female. If your husband has a problem with that, perhaps he should not be with a woman. When I see a woman with tummy stretch marks I don't think "EW" I think "oh hey she's had a baby, that's cool." Pretty sure that's what most would think as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): I ask my husbands opinion and I expect him to be honest. Than it's up to me to follow or not. Frankly (I don't know how bad your stretch marks are) but I wouldn't expose my tummy if it was really bad. Why show your stratchmarks to the world? I don't have any, but my friend had it really bad. She has a lovely figure, but wears one piece. No one is perfect, men are not perfect either. If a guy wants he will want you with stretchmarks, but it's besides the point. Why wear something that exposes something as this. For example I have a bit of cellulite on my legs. It's not that bad, but I am not going to wear shorts as you used to wear when I was in college. Instead I wear capri pants. While my cellulite is not that bad, but I would rather not show it. So, I can't agree with other answers. I don't think your husband doesn't think you are beatiful, but he just pointed out that in his opinion he would rather not see you in bikini, nothing wrong with that.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (3 September 2013):
Ok my answer is not going to be popular but when I ask my husband a question or give a suggestion, I expect a honest answer. In saying this, I don't expect him to hurt my feelings.
If you feel sexy, comfortable and proud of who you are, YOU do what you want. I'm positive you will look great in your bikini. Show your husband that you are a confident strong women with a side of beautiful. No man can resist!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): Next time you go out to dinner together, wear the sexiest form fitting dress that you have and flaunt your hard earned figure in his face and the face of other men. That should make him jealous seeing other men ogle you.Wear whatever you want at the beach. Disregard his opinion. I wouldn't even ask his opinion about your wardrobe or beachware anymore. Wear what makes YOU feel comfortable and forget the opinions of him and others.I went on a diet and lost 14 lbs...those tough hanger oners as I call them. It's been a rough few months getting there. I'm am almost back to my high school weight.The other day my fiance and I had to drop of his car because it wasn't working. We had it towed. I'm standing on the sidewalk and there are other car mechanics outside hanging around. Suddenly, my fiance puts his arm around me and I am thinking "WHAT are you doing?" I looked over and saw the mechanics there. They must have been looking over at me and my fiance wanted it to be known to them that "Hey, she is mine!" I had a good laugh to myself.Point is, I am dieting for MYSELF and NOT him. I am even thinking of tweaking some other body parts, not that I am advocating plastic surgery for others. I am doing this for myself and only myself. I will wear what I want, when I want and where I want. No one will tell me otherwise and don't let him tell you either.Take this stance and you will feel much better about yourself.Kudos to you for getting back in shape!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): That was a really rotten and immature thing to say to you. He is so off base and does not know what real women look like and what happens after a baby. I would be upset with him too, but he is ignorant and needs to get a clue.
The porn. Another problem. If porn is an issue in your marriage, get it under control now. Your child will be getting older soon enough and perhaps it hasn't sunk in yet, that his priorities need to change and porn does not belong in a home with children. He needs to find something more constructive to do with his time, like being a responsible father and a respectful husband.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I wonder if that is an American thing ? maybe because ( but for California ) is not a beach culture ? American women seem to be so assertive and together in ref. to work, career, personal telationships etc. - and then , it seems to me, they have a hard time not only loving their bodies but at least making peace with them.
Here there are beaches everywhere, and many of them are topless, and you see all kinds of women, and all kinds of breasts around, and yes, maybe the wide majority would win no beauty contest, - there are bodies with imperfections, ... cellulite, stretchmarks, flab, you name it... so what ? People are not supposed to be perfect except in art books ( or porn movies )- real people have some appealing features and other a little less appealing features, that's life. Nobody is going to tar and feather these women out of the beach or to point fingers at them gulping in shock, because they have a few stretch marks. Nobody is probably even going to notice , unless they are scouting girls for electing Miss Beach 2013 !
So your husband, while being correct in a strictly technical sense, meaning that probably you would not be selected as a nude model for the wanking pleasure of some readers of men's magazines , is both factually incorrect,- in real life a woman can be smoking hot and get a lot of appreciation even with a less than perfect body,- and , an idiot ( pardon me ) for pushing the pedal on your insecurities when he knows that's a vulnerable point for you.
Then again, feeling good inside your body it's YOUR job, regardless of the occasional off comment. If I were you, I would just don my bikini and proudly strut my stuff, and enjoy seeing my husband eating his words- and his liver - while the real men ( those who like real life women ) do their best to hit on me.
Oh btw, here's a thought : wouldn't he be by any chance just JEALOUS and trying to take you down a peg, so that you don't get too cocky about your great " new " body ?....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): Do what you want, don't listen to him. Wear your bikini and make him jealous when other men ogle at you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): I'm sorry you are left feeling hurt but these are two different issues. Erasing your stretch marks isn't going to stop a guy from looking at porn.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 September 2013):
 Your husband is a douche.
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female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 He's your husband but that doesn't mean his opinion is the be all and end all. If you're proud of your work, then you are fully in your right when you want to show it off. Go for it.
If he can't appreciate your effort, then he's the unlucky and undeserving one who misses out aye? Get your friends, go out there and have fun.
If he keeps pushing you down, you'll know what kind of man he is.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I'm with Tish!
You EARNED those tiger stribes! IF YOU want to wear a bikini and can put one one and look yourself in the mirror and be OK (or heck happy!) with what you see THEN WEAR ONE!
HE is not holding you back, YOU are by LETTING him make these decisions. (DO I look OK for a bikini? Is my butt big? and so on.
If you have worked hard on yourself, then YOU know your body a lot better then he does.
I agree, that you NEED to stop NEEDING him to validate you, because obviously he isn't interested in supporting you in LOVING yourself and YOUR body.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 September 2013):
 *and* Stop asking him to boost you, he's one of those idiotic men who don't know when they have a good woman. Ignore him, make your own validation and live your life.
I's time to be a brave woman and tell the selfish inconsiderate bu**er that it's time for him to man up and be the man you knew he could be.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 September 2013):
Are you wrong to take what to heart?
If you want to wear a bikini, wear it. You EARNED those stretch marks, they are marks of honor.
Take a look at http://yourbrainonporn.com to understand what his pathetic (sorry) little (sorry) self might be going through.
Do what you need to do to be happy and healthy in yourself, okay? Your dismissive porn-influenced husband isn't actually the guy to believe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): What a hurtful, nasty A hole! Whatever he thinks, what right has he got to judge the way you look in and make you feel bad?? He must have knew it was hurtful, just doesn't care. And there's no reason to get mad at someone for being insecure about something! Where's the emotional support, or reassurance??
I think it comes down to the fact that if he truly loves you he would worship every inch of you. Not love you Due to the way you LOOK! Trust me that comment would upset ANY woman... And the porn thing, kind of just saying he just doesn't give a damn about hurting you, making you feel inadequate.
Most women have stretch marks... Doesn't need to tell you "it looks bad" Just one of those natural things..
I would advise getting some space away from him... Take your kid and go and stay with a relative, friend if you can? You need to build your esteem up a bit and you also need the opposite of him- some TLC! He would have got a slap for that comment, if it was me.
Take care if yourself and child xxx
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