A
female
age
30-35,
*3chelciemarie
writes:This might sound like a weird question but I feel like I CANT get mad at my boyfriend. We will get in fights and he will have done something where I will be mad at first but then throughout the fight he somehow convinces me that I am in the wrong. I used to then stupidly apologize for "being mad". But now I try very hard to stick up for myself and not go back to apologizing for nothing. I usually succeed at this but nothing really get resolves and he just starts to ignore me and I just cant help but feel sad. My anger turns into regret and sadness. I will cry and wonder why hes being the way he is, instead of being mad. Now of course anger is not something to strive for, but I feel like in my situation it is somewhat needed because I can't keep feeling sad like this and feeling as though I did something wrong, when I know I did nothing wrong. Any thoughts? I just wanna know how to stand my ground. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, x3chelciemarie +, writes (27 February 2018):
x3chelciemarie is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am not sure if you both will read this, but thank you. It took an extra 4 years after this question was written, but j cut him out of my life. I have been single, happy and free of him for almost a year now. I wish I wouldve seen it sooner, but it's over now.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 You write: " I feel like I CANT get mad at my boyfriend."
I would suggest that you consider how you would handle things if'n you had written this:
"I get mad at my B/F - for something/whatever - and he convinces me that I ought not be mad about it (the incident)."
Taken in that context, I think "the issue" for you is that you let your B/F CONTROL what goes on between the two of you... and HE has learned to dissipate away whatever has you ticked....
YOU need to determine if, and how, you can "stick to your guns" in dealing with this B/F. There are really two clear paths:
1. You continue as things are.... AND, predictably, things will be the same in to the indefinite future. Will you be happy with that? Or,
2. You learn to stand up to your B/F's manipulations and bear-in that YOU are actually a "part" of your relationship... and YOUR opinions/thoughts/feelings are part of that "relationship".... and he darn well better learn to respect them - hence YOU - or you will find yourself a better "boyfriend." There are plenty of good ones available, if you choose to look...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 First you were angry because of what he did and he turned it on you and made you feel bad. Now you feel sad all the time and avoid your true feelings for fear of being put down and ignored.
All relationships have the odd row and disagreement but you shouldn't feel like this.
What you're describing sounds exactly like what I went through with a boyfriend when I was in my late teens to early twenties.
He would do something totally out of order and when I mentioned it, it would blow up into an almighty row. He somehow always managed to twist and turn things around so that I looked like the bad guy and I would always then feel bad and apologise.
He would then take the upper hand and ignore for me days leaving me feeling physically sick and thinking I was a terrible person. Eventually he'd come round and 'forgive' me and I (stupidly) would feel grateful!
This emotional abuse (because that's what it is) went on for years and I literally clung onto him and allowed him to make me feel this way because I had come to believe that I was so horrible no-one else could possibly love me and I was very lucky to have him. I always defended him too.
As I started to avoid anger (like your doing) he started to get angry with me and it was only when he became violent towards me for the first time that I woke up and saw what was happening.
I left him that very moment and moved back home with parents.
He then spent the next few months calling, sending me flowers and begging forgiveness. He even asked me to marry him (as if).I cut him off.
I thought I would feel low when I broke up with him but I actually felt liberated. I started going out with my girlfriends and having a good time. I qualified as a midwife and then met a man who did treat me right.
It was strange being in a healthy relationship but really made me realise how bad my last one had been. That new relationship didn't work out but not for any sinister reasons. But it made me realise I was worthy of a decent guy.
Now at 42, I know I am a nice person. I have a wonderful husband, kids I adore and loads of friends.
Please take control of your life. If your boyfriend is being a jerk and making you feel bad, please just end it and move on.
I think this guy is an abuser and his behaviour will only get worse in my opinion.
I hope this helps AB x
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