A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am attempting to stop looking at porn because it is hurting my girlfriend's feelings. She likens it to cheating or is afraid that it will lead to me cheating. I love her more than anything and that is reason enough to try to stop, and I have also been looking here to see what other womens opinions on looking at porn are. I knew my girlfriend didn't like it but seeing how the women of this website feel about it and get hurt from it is really shocking. I am 21 years old, and have looked at porn fairly regularly since I was 13-14, and it might sound stupid but its more difficult to stop looking than simply turning off a switch in my brain or something.To make it worse we are currently long distance. We each have a special ring and promised each other we would never cheat or stray and that we are committed to each other. We are hoping that in November we will be able to get an apartment together.Every 3-4 months she or I fly and we spend a week together, and during that time I have absolutely no problems with looking at porn. Its not an issue. My girlfriend is amazing and very sexual, and she fulfills my needs perfectly as I try to for her.We are so close to being together in person permanently and I don't want to hurt her or push her away. I've been looking at this stuff for years and it is more difficult than I imagined to stop however. Does anyone have any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012):
I think it's perfectly reasonable to tell someone stop looking at porn if they are having regular sex, in a long distance relationship it might be mildly exceptable, but still hurtful. Do not carry on and lie that is horrible.
A
female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 If you check out the links that Person12345 has provided, you will find this informative and it will give you a fresh perspective on giving up. Well done you for trying. It will take a while to re-wire your brain but it can be done. Your gf is lucky to have you by the sound of it. To the male anon reader below, encouraging someone to lie within in a relationship is very bad. Relationships are about compromise. It is clear that porn is more important to you than a real life relationship. I feel very sorry for you but hey, this is about the op, not you!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): Outrageous that she is telling you to stop looking at porn. Looking at porn is not cheating, and in a long distance relationship what else are you supposed to do.We both know you are not going to stop anyway so don't even waste your time considering that:You have two options.1) Tell her you will stop but do it anyway. (this is easy but seriously why let someone else control your life)2) Grow a pair and set her straight on the matter, you will look at porn if you want if she doesn't like it then leave.Otherwise look forward to her making more outrageous demands when you start living together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): My husband had this problem a few years ago. I was a little hurt by it, but I didn't ask him to stop. Turns out he wanted to anyway, because he felt since we were married, he shouldn't look at it anymore. What he did to stop was he had his best friend make a guest account on his computer in which he set up parental controls so he could not go to any websites that contained adult material. Then he reset the password on the main account so my husband couldn't log into it. Anytime my husband felt the urge to look up porn, he couldn't, because the controls were set up. And each time he tried and was blocked, he remembered how much he wanted to stop. It really helped him, and after a couple of months of not watching porn, he overall felt better about himself. He has stuck to not watching it ever since, because he knows what a trap it is. It's a temporary fix. And while you feel good for the moment, it's not worth the guilt you cause yourself, or the pain you cause your significant other. I know some men will probably tell you to just hide it from your girlfriend, but in my opinion that just sounds so childish. It's really no different than a fat kid whose supposed to be on a diet hiding his candy. Not only that, it's deceptive. I've listened to their reasons, but a lie is still a lie no matter how you try to justify it. And if you don't have trust in a relationship, well then, you don't have much of a relationship at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): I will happily bet my house that she is cheating on you. She's "very sexual", she's young, reasonable looking, and in another zip code. Ergo, sexing someone other than you. The porn thing is just her own guilt talking: she's looking for an excuse, a way to blame her own cheating on you.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 It's possible to get addicted to porn, and given that you are struggling to stop looking at it, it sounds like you are. A porn addiction will certainly have a negative effect on your relationship. In the long run it will have negative effects for your whole life: the stories from long term porn addicts can be quite horrifying.
The link that person12345 gave you is excellent: it is the best site I know of for people seeking to understand and beat a porn addiction.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 June 2012):
 I believe this website will be the most helpful to you:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
It's really, really great that you're taking initiative on this and are putting your girlfriend before your computer. I'm sure you will be successful, it's rough at first but it stops being a challenge soon enough. When I stopped looking at porn it was hard at first too, it felt like I was wrecking my sex life at first. But after about a month everything got WAY better than it had been before when I had been using porn and I felt a lot closer to my partner and sex was much better. Hang in there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): Being in a long distance relationship alone makes things hard, in my opinion. But I've seen what porn does to relationships. My friend is in a long distance relationship and her boyfriend would constantly promise not to hurt her or cheat, the usual. But the main thing for her was she was extremely insecure, therefore it was hard for her to cope with him looking at such things. We all say it's natural, but how can we expect our significant others to trust us and feel secure when we're sitting there getting turned on by other women? Especially when they work so hard to please us and stay true to us from afar? Unfortunately for my friend though, her fears became a reality. He ended up not being able to control his urges any longer (from not being near her as well as the lust he constantly felt towards other women online and in person) and ended up breaking her heart after all. Their entire relationship they worked so hard at, right down the drain.
Are you sure this person is really worth giving up what you're used to, just to make her happy? Is it just porn, or do you find yourself looking and/or thinking about others you've seen in person? Have you done anything to make her feel so insecure (such as lying)? What about cheating, or anything close to that? Has anything at all been hidden from her to this day? I apologize for all of the questions, but perhaps that will open your eyes a bit to the situation, why she is the way she is, and if it's all worth it in the end to hurt her over.
Even though women may be dramatic, when you love someone even the smallest thing like this could ruin everything. Just remember that. Good luck, and I look forward to your reply.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 June 2012):
 That is because you can get addictive to porn just like you can to chemicals. Because, simply put, when you watch porn, your brain produces its own chemicals/hormones that make you feel good...just like a drug. This is why so many women and probably men are against it. While it is ok for some, sometimes it takes over peoples lives where they are either addicted/obsessed with watching porn. It can also influence your performance in the bedroom because you are so used to watching porn and gettin your fix that way that when it comes to actual sex...you may have difficulties. Like I've said before, I think it can be a part of a couples relationship if both people agree on it and it is used just for fun. But when it becomes more to one person...it can cause problems. Instead of looking at porn, why don't you call your girlfriend and talk dirty with her on the phone or have email/text sex?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): Hii, I'm like your gf and my bf is like you, now please explain why you are surprised it hurts a woman so much? Just find other activities or make your own porn!
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