A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm still a virgin...I'm not going to write my age but in this age nobody even expects a girl to be a virgin.It's not like I didn't have the chance (In fact, a few months ago I had the perfect chance but I chickened out, not because I'm afraid to do it, but because I was afraid that my partner will find out that I've never done anything) because I'm not only a virgin but actually never dated/kissed etc.Anyway I did have a couple of chances, I'm not that ugly but I have one problem.My expectations are too high.I am ready to date a guy only if he is a 100% my type, and unfortunately there aren't many guys like that around, even if there are, they don't even see me.This rate I have two options:1.continue trying to look for the perfect guy "the knight on the white horse" and taking the risk and never finding him and staying a virgin for life (also risking rejection if I do find him and he will love me, who would want a virgin my age?!)or might as well become a nun.2.Just getting it over with the first guy who comes along and forever staying unsatisfied?What do you think I should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): I know people like to make a big deal out of this, but there is another option: just don't worry about it, don't tell anyone if you are a virgin or not (it is literally none of their business -even if you are having sex with them you don't have to tell them. that's up to you), and just take what ever opportunity that comes up that seems good at the time, if its a nice relationship with a great guy, thats fantastic, if its just a drunken one off encounter, well that's also okay if that's what you want, that's the whole point, don't let anyone tell you that there is only one right way or right age to do this, everyone is different. If you let it bother you so much and spend so much time focusing on it, you are going to make yourself miserable. Just let it happen.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): I think that maybe you will need to lower your expectations. Don't just go for the first guy you see, as you will regret it. I would say that keeps aspects of "your type" in mind, but if they don't tic every single box, dont nessisarily ditch all thought of them. I think as long as you and another guy get along then things should work out. Just keep being yourself, and the right guy will find you, because if they like your personality then they will like you. Always be yourself, and have an open mind- then things will happen, it may take time, but it will :)
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A
male
reader, urbanking99  +, writes (1 August 2011):
If you meet up with someone and you feel comfortable and assured that they are the person to introduce you to lovemaking / sex or whatever else you want to call it, go for it enjoy the time together its fantastic if you take your time. Remember it's both your choices if he is too demanding he may not be the right guy.
I am a guy and I waited until I was 26 to lose mine(that was over 20 years ago) and even then people thought you still had to have lost your virginity by 16. Times really haven't changed at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): I waited for mr right as well, he came along when I was 22. HE then decided that he did not want to have sex with me! So I am now 25, in a relationship with my partner, who does not want to have sex with me. I could have had sex with my previous bfs but decided to wait, only to find Mr Right as not being interested.
Have sex, go for it whilst you still can.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 August 2011):
 Neither option is the right thing to do. What you need to do is learn to lower your standards, but not so much that you will jump into bed with the first guy who is interested.
There is no such thing as prince charming or your knight in shining armour, these only exist in fairytales, not real life. No man will be 100% perfect, you are never going to be 100% perfect for any man so you cant expect any man is going to be perfect for you either.
Relationships are about compromise - you might meet a wonderful guy but there are a couple of things that are perhaps missing from this 'ideal' you have, but that doesnt mean you should kick him to the curb for one or two shortcomings. What you need to do is work out what is a deal breaker, and what is a 'nice to have'. I will list mine to give you an example:
Deal Breakers (i.e. I would not date a man, let alone sleep with him, if he displays any of these bad characteristics)
1. Bad manners
2. Does not behave like a gentleman
3. Isnt intelligent
4. Lacks motivation and ambition
5. Doesnt make me laugh
6. Nothing in common with me/lack of shared interests
Nice to haves (these are things that are nice if the guy has them, but is not critical and I would still give him a chance if he was missing these things):
1. Good job and future prospects
2. Money (I earn a fair amount so I want a man to earn well ideally so he doesnt feel threatened by my success)
3. Good relationship with his family
4. Tall (I'm a sucker for a guy over 6ft!)
5. At least 3 years older than me
6. No kids
7. Never been engaged, married, divorced etc.
There are many more.....but these are the main ones. If you can identify what is a deal breaker and what isnt, then you will find yourself giving more men a chance rather than waiting for this 100% perfect man. And often you will find that the men that arent quite perfect can turn out to have the best personalities and you have an incredible connection with them.
If you only broadened on your horizons and dont judge men too quickly you will find a whole new world of men open to you and they might just surprise you. I am currently seeing a man who is 15 years older than me, I never thought I would date a man with that much of an age difference but I am having a fantastic time and I'm glad I gave him a chance.
Go on lots of dates with men that you dont think are perfect, and dont go into those dates with any expectations or already judging them before you have spent any time with them - simply date and see what happens. If you find a guy who might not look like Mr Right but he makes you laugh like never before and you have loads in common, he may well be the perfect guy to lose your virginity to.
Dont waste your virginity on a random guy who you dont care about, but dont keep waiting with your unattainable standards either. Give more men a chance and wait until you find someone who you have a great connection with, he will be the right one to lose your virginity to.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (1 August 2011):
 You will never find a guy who's fully 100% your type. But you will find someone close to that. Don't let anyone take you for a one night stand unless losing your virginity is something you feel you must do before you get into a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin and many people wish they could be one again. Only you can make the decision, but I think you should wait for the right guy. He won't care if you're inexperienced or not.
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