A
female
age
30-35,
*hadow Rose
writes: I realized I'm kinda a downer sometimes, like I was talking to my boyfriend, and I was talking about how my club was losing all its members, and all I could think about was how much that sucks, and how I wish I had more people coming to club.Even though he was being positive and reassuring me that I'm a good leader, and that my club will always have SOME members, I still couldn't bring myself to think very positively of the situation.I've also been doing stuff like this more often, recently, and it's bothering me that I dont really show much enthusiasm or that I'm a negative nelly.Sometimes I'm not, I mean, my friends usually describe me as an upbeat, cheery, and friendly person, but sometimes, especially when I'm alone, I'm the exact opposite!It probably doesn't help that I have no life outside of school and the internet anymore.Nobody ever calls me, or invites me over. I mean, I'd call people and invite them over, but I recently got a new cell phone, so I only have a few numbers, most of them family/emergency numbers, one friends number, and my boyfriend's sister's number, who I think of as a sister.Also, at my house, inviting someone over is like trying to pass a bill or a law.... O.oPlus I've been eating more recently. I'm like, more hungry.... x.xGrr, I dont know what to do, but I dont want to become a negative nelly and lose my boyfriend. He's the best thing in my life, my soulmate x.x ^ The above was copied from a forum post I made ^So pretty much, I feel like I'm becoming.... Well, the old me. I do NOT like it, but I have no idea how to change it. I want to be a happy and upbeat person all the time, well, except for funerals and sad stuff, but I dont want to be all emo for no apparent reason!!!! Argh...
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (4 March 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question It's an Anime club, for school. As a senior, it's my last year of running it, then I pass it on to my VP, and she picks her VP.
I lost all my numbers because I got a hand-me-down cell phone from my stepdad, which broke soon after I got it, because of how much it was used, so I had to buy a new cell phone. My new one is cheap, but cute!
As for calling him, oh, I'd call him every night if he had a cell phone XD I'm pestering him to get a webcam so we can at least webchat!
And that's ok, about the pool. My mom and stepdad like to invest all their money into the house, so our house has a nice pool and everything, but it's too much money to heat it, so I'm just like "Funk this, I'm not going in!"
Although hopefully, summer will be hot enough so that everyone will want to go swimming!
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 March 2012):
 lol, well you sure cheered me up Shadow Rose, I took a stab and I got it wrong. As you said, your missing your boyfriend, for some reason you've lost contact with your friends, the club isn't going as well as you expected, and you've had difficulties at school. That would be enough to make anyone feel a bit down.You got a lot of ideas to improve the situation, and it is only temporary, life has a way of changing for the better. I've run clubs, a 50% drop of rate is normal and as you said, new people come every year, and then many people leave again. As you know it's important to retain what you have and try to get more people in. Most clubs run on only a few dedicated members, so you are doing a lot better than you think. I took over a club that went from 100 members to five, managed to get it to 250+ but that took 5 of us to do that, begging, pleading and offering rewards. Clubs are not easy. Not sure what type of club your running, but the tournament thing sounds great, but even then you might only increase permanent members by one or two. After the tournament, could the club run regular social events outside school, might that be any help?Can you boyfriend call you more often? Can you call him? Can you do anything with your interest in politics and religion, don't schools have debating teams and such. But your probably busy with the club and school work to take up anything else?Again, not sure why you've lost all your numbers, that seems to be the first thing to do, fill up the cell with some numbers of like minded people and then work on some activities that you can do together.The pool party idea sounds great. Hopefully with the tournament and that, you'll manage to find some people who you'd like to hang out with.PS: Swimming is different where I live, we don't have private pools, everyone uses the government one, it's a good place to socialise, that's why I suggested it.. sorryDon't worry, things will change, I wish you lots of luck.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (4 March 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, and I would just like to answer some of your questions, so here they are:
My cell phone is only ever ringing when my mother is calling to let me know she's coming home from work, and to do something before she gets home.
And, I guess not ALL, but the numbers are rapidly decreasing. It went from a good... 35-40 members at the start of the year, to about 12-15 people now.
I've been trying to get more people to come to the club by changing some of the old policies and activities(because last year there was a decline as well, but we did get new freshman this year. For a while, then most of them left) to be more unique, and all that. I'm actually trying to put together a Soul Caliber 3 tournament.
I dont really talk much to my family, because it always ends up in an argument about politics/religion/etc, I'm different than my family. Um... My club is only run through school, and usually my boyfriend only talks to me online, because we live about an hour or so apart and neither of us have a car. Every few weekends we do see each-other though, which is good. Although I do wish I could hang out with him more...
Lets see... Oh, swimming and gym, good for some people, horrible for me. The pool at my house isn't heated, so it's cold year-round, and I'm not a big exercising fan.
I think that's it.
Hopefully you dont see these as excuses or anything, I just have this urge to answer questions directed to me, even if they weren't meant to be answered.
I'll definitely look into that, and hopefully it does help!
It seems to me like I'm feeling better after I see my boyfriend, but like I said earlier, it's not really a permanent solution. So I'll take a look at all that!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 March 2012):
Shadow Rose, I was forced to think positively, because I was suffering with depression it was a matter of life and death. Some great aunts at Dear Cupid helped me, they had been through terrible things in life, but still took time every day to help me remember to laugh.
You need to remove some words from your language... NOT (negative) Never, (negative) Nobody (negative) Try and look at some articles on CBT (Cognative Behaviour Therapy) they call this black and white thinking. Not one person calls you on the cell, is that true, or is there people who call but you don't choose to remember, you only fixate on the negative. If nobody calls, then what can you do, can you give more people your number, can you call your boyfriend, your mother or that good sister and tell them your feeling down, what can you do to change your situation?
"I was talking about how my club was losing all its members"
All (sweeping statement) does that mean there is no other members there except you. Are you going to a club and sitting by yourself? Or is there other people there that you choose not to count. If your sitting crying about the people who left, who is there to entertain the remaining members. If everyone only thinks about who has gone, you might as well all go home because that not a club, it'a a memorial. How can you increase your membership? Why are the people leaving, is there something you can change?
"It probably doesn't help that I have no life outside of school and the internet anymore."
NO (negative word) life outside school and internet?... so do you live in the school? Don't you have a home? Don't your family count in your life? How about "you have nothing but the internet".. Don't you have a boyfriend, do you only see him at school or only chat with him on the internet? Is your club based in school and only run through the internet?
If you on the internet too much, what can you do to change that? Can you join a gym, go swimming, can you and your boyfriend start going to the cinema or rock concerts?
CBT asks you to challenge your ideas, not to get "pretend happy", but to see if what your saying is true or logical. It asks you to remove all negative words and universal statements about "everybody", "nobody" "always" "forever". You can't fortell the future, and what is happening now could change tomorrow. It asks you to make positive steps to change your life and find solutions to overcome your difficulties.
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
I want you to start working through the moodgym tomorrow, the other article explains it all about CBT.
The eating thing is a bit worrying. People can eat more when they are bored or unhappy, but eating more could be a sign of moderate atypical depression. How are your sleeping patterns? Depression can make you sleep more or make you sleep less. It's best for you to go to the doctors as well for a general check up. Tell them what you told us here.
If your trying to lose weight or you want to keep you weight steady, ask your doctor to help you with a good eating plan. Or come back to dear cupid, many aunts and uncles have information on how to reduce or maintain weight in a healthy way.
PS: I want you to make sure you find something to laugh at every day, your boyfriend and your "adopted sister" will help you with that, if you tell them your down and your trying to change. Watch some good comedy films and stay away from anything on television that is negative...
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A
female
reader, Rozet +, writes (4 March 2012):
 Sounds great, the pool party! Definitely an amazing idea. And don't worry too much, you will suceed if you keep thinking positive as you are now. (:
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (4 March 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNext time she comes up here, I'm going to beg my boyfriend to let me spend time with the three of us, haha. She is really cool, and I already know I can go to her if I have any female-related, or boyfriend related issues, because she knows him better than I do.
I think I need to just regain my friends, and perhaps I could throw a pool party, if I'm allowed to, and show my friends I do still care. We could play videogames, then go swimming. :)
I'm feeling a bit better now, because I just spent the day with my boyfriend, but I think this is only a temporary solution to my problem. Must get this permanently fixed!
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A
female
reader, Rozet +, writes (4 March 2012):
Thats great, you honestly sound like a really nice person who's pretty cool. I can tell your boyfriend's sister is a really amazing friend to you so you guys should hang out and do something fun! And she might even introduce you to her friends. Thats a really great way to making more friends.
When I was an 8th grader I knew some seniors, and they introduced me to their friends who were softmores,juniors,freshman, and so when I got into high school I already knew them and if I felt like I was losing some friends I always had these guys to rely on x) So basically If I lost some friends it didnt matter toomuch because I had sooo many more. (Not saying I didn't mind losing friends or didn't care just saying if you become distant with one person you always have another by your side)
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (4 March 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI always try to be nice to my friends when they want to talk to me, and I try to make them feel better if they're down, but, well, my way of making someone feel like a sister is outright saying they're like one, like how my boyfriend's sister is so awesome, I always say I'm so glad we're going to be sisters in law eventually, because she's like an older sister I've never had.
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A
female
reader, Rozet +, writes (3 March 2012):
About the friends problem, I went through the exact same thing a few years ago. What I did to solve my situation was being more involved. I always had a smile on my face and gossip to talk about. I always hugged my friends, complimented them, and being me I always would say things like "heyyy sexy, I love you hahahaha." Or something similar to that. By saying things like these it would means you think of your friend as a sister and you care about her. Don't just wave, always be more involved. This might not be really good advice, but I just want to see what Im like, and how I got many friends.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (3 March 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I definitely have some stress. Mostly from school (Failing Government class because I just dont understand any of this), and from trying to run a club...
And then there's my social life, which is pretty much talking to people online, people I've never met in real life, because my real life friends dont want to talk to me outside of school, and talking to my boyfriend when he gets online. And the fear of gaining weight and becoming overweight.
But I'll try taking more vitamins, and see if that helps. I really dont want to be like this, so I'll do anything I can to get back to being the cheerful, upbeat, and helpful person I was. (That's also kinda why I've been virtually nonexistent on this site, haven't been in the mood to be helpful)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 March 2012):
 Shadow Rose,
You worry too much. You are under a lot of stress right now, and you don't feel quite your self. It's winter and you aren't getting outside much. That alone will cause you to be a bit depressed and to eat more. As Rozet suggested outdoor exercise will help that. If that isn't possible take some vitamin D, 2000 to 5000 IU once a day. A time released b complex vitamin will help your mood as well. One of my secretaries got a B12 shot every winter for the same reason.
Remember that happiness is the purpose of our existence, and will be the end thereof if we follow the path that leads to it. Are you doing anything that will lead you away from happiness?
FA
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A
female
reader, Rozet +, writes (3 March 2012):
You control who you are, and where you are going to go with that. You're probably feeling stress, eating more, being more negative and a bit depressed, stress. Be more active and get involved with more things. Maybe you should start exercising daily which would surely help build your stamina and spirit. Your boyfriend might help contribute too, just go on a date with him like to the park, or a romantic dinner. (I would suggest the park) holding hands walking in silence will definitely make your head feel lighter. (My experience) My point is just take a day to relax completely. Also get one friend you trust the most and talk to them about what's happening. They might help you more than you know it. C:
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