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female
age
36-40,
*audi barbie
writes: im really unhappy - i had to break up with my partner after two years because i couldnt cope with him hurting me anymore. He's cheated, lied, not answered my phone calls, made me feel fat and ugly, ignored me and all other horrible stuff you can do to a person to hurt them. The thing is now im just so scared that i wont find love again and that I'm unloveable. Also i miss him and he doesnt seem at all bothered that he's lost me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 babe you have been made to feel crappy by a bloke that didn't respect you. You WILL find someone else, maybe not today or tomorrow but you will. For now concentrate on you. Getting some self confidence back. Start going out with friends or having girly nights in.
The fact that this guy isn't that fussed he's lost you just proves he isn't worth your time. You are free of him. He has spent the last 2 years hurting you. Don't let him continue doing it :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Well- I ahve been in teh exact same situation as you- adn I realized the only reason I attracted guys who didnt respect me because I didnt respect myself. I told my self that I NEEDED love from someone- when really that is a very enslaving thought. First you need to really love and care about yourself. If you were alone on a desert island with no one- how would you treat yourself? Would you whimper and say "no one loves me i am alone im so lame boo hoo" or woudl you go out and make a map of the island, find some nice coconut juice to drink-relax and watch the ocean- exfolate your skin with the sand.. sing to your self? See all these things are keepign you occupied and satisfied- and you are doing them for yourself.. the moment you start wondering if you arent good enough or what you can do to please someone else you are comming across as desperate.. you need to take like a half a year and really just spend time on yourself- this is not ego centric-its more about learning to be on your own and treating your own heart mind and body with respect.. once you treat yourself with respect- other people will see it and know that you are a no BS kind of girl- and that you wouldnt beg a guy for a relationship- a guy should be begging you for one. Please honey- dont go out of your way for any man until he really shows you that he would.. you may think this is lonely- but really- dont worry about being alone- because you will always have yourself, and you better love that first...hope this helps
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A
female
reader, AngelEyes420  +, writes (8 February 2007):
You are allready a strong person for leaving this guy. So many other women stay sucked into relationships like these. The guy doesn't want to come off as missing you, because he has such a huge ego, which also is probably why he put you down so much - to elevate himself. I think sometimes guys see what a girls insecurities are, and then they use them against her to keep her under control. If you have low self esteem you are more likely to be their emotional, little slave. As you see it, someone is validating your insecurities --"oh he says Im fat, he understands". Even though it hurts because you know he's acting abusive, the other half feels like he's right and it makes you put him on more of a pedistal. It sucks when people do that to eachother. If he's smart, he'll live to regret what he's done to you. IF he's dumb he wont, and who wants someone that dumb, right! Just MAKE SURE you don't speak to him until you are over the relationship, because he's probably going to try to make you feel guilty (or insecure some more) in an attept to get you back, when his precious ego gets shatteed cuz he realizes how mean he is. If you must talk to him, have one point and stick to it(You put me down, and thats abusive, and so I cant be with you Im sorry) dont stray and get into detail or he'll suck you back into your hellish, sick relationship. You'll get over him, stray strong, he's not good enough for you and you know you deserve whats best for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Wow, princess this man has really done a number on you. He has treated you with such disrespect that you have lost respect for yourself. I was once in a similar situation. You need to get yourself back, not this man.
If you have friends and family call them and do stuff with people who love you.
Take up some sort of excercise program, something hard and challenging. Believe me its very healing. I am training for a marathon myself. Makes me feel strong and gives me back my self if that makes sense.
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Don't be fooled into thinking your last relationship was love. You can't find love again, because you havent found it yet.
You will know what love is when you do find it. I think you almost loved that guy, but he never loved you. Without respect, love can never be. That guy had no respect for you AT ALL, so don't think for one second that he loved you.
Put this down to experience, but not all guys are like him. Stop looking and let the right guy find you.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 He isn't bothered because he doesn't care about your feelings. It's so difficult to move away from something like this. Your head is knowing but your heart is screaming 'no'. Step back and try to look at it as if you were advising a friend. You know what you would say. The main problem is that he's destroyed your confidence. Don't let him do that. Go out and about and meet other people and move on from this guy. He has his own problems and a long term relationship/marriage would be a disaster. You're worth far more than that. You're obviously an intelligent and together person. Go out and grab life. If you want to talk more about it mail me. Don't be ground down by someone who's not worthy of you.
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A
male
reader, Nico +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Hi,
I have recently split up from my ex after 2year relationship and she got with someone else after just a week of us ending it, i still love and miss her but i know that it's better if we aren't together and i haven't had an arguement in ages because we aren't together! It's hard but you will find love again just spend time with family and friends and take time out for yourself. Love will find you, when you are least expecting it! You are still young remember that. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Why are you surprised he is not bothered that he lost you? He does not sound like a nice person let alone a good boyfriend.....This is not about you being unworthy, it is about him not being able to love anybody but himself.
You don't really miss him, you miss the idea of him, and the idea of the relationship you wanted but never had.
This is good news! You are now able to discern what you do not want in a guy from this experience, start looking for what you do want and do not settle for anything less.
Let yourself grieve this loss, but not for more than a week, and start fixing yourself up, eating better and taking care of yourself by surrounding yourself with loving friends and family.
The chances of you finding love again are about 100%.
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