A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please try to understand how I feel, because this problem might seem really shallow to others, but it's upsetting me a lot.I love my family, but I hate, hate HATE our family surname. I don't mean I just don't like it. I mean that the name causes me emotional pain. I love my family, but it's simply a horrible NAME!It is Williams... it's so embarrassing. It just sounds like some redneck. I would give anything to have a pretty, classy last name, or just an okay one. I would like to change the name, but I feel overcome with guilt about hurting my family. It's not like I just don't like the last name. I can't can't bear it anymore! I'm mixed with British, Irish, and Spanish (mostly Irish I think?) but all my life, I've loved Hispanic culture and wished with my whole heart that I could be part of the Hispanic world. I've always felt very out of place in American culture and felt that I was meant to be Hispanic. I wish and wish I were Latin so I could marry a Latin guy. I'm not putting down American culture, I just love Spain more than America. I speak perfect Spanish and I've been to two Hispanic countries. The last name is so embarrassing because it makes me feel like a foreigner in Latin countries. I want to be part of their world so badly, and I have the heart and soul of a Hispanic person. When I was abroad, people were friendly to me, but it really upsets me that they looked upon me as a foreigner. I want them to see me as one of their own. Latin culture is practically half my life and I would give ANYTHING to be a Garcia, or a López, or a González. I loved Latin culture before I found out I had Hispanic ancestry. I hate our last name because it's American. It's so embarrassing to have an American last name because it implies I don't have Spanish blood. I love Spanish culture so much and it's such a shame that it's part of my heritage and I have a last name that disassociates me from it. I just don't identify with American culture. Nearly everyone with our family surname is completely Anglo-Saxon. It's so embarrassing because people are going to think I don't have Spanish blood. It makes me really uncomfortable to be asked my surname.I'm not putting Anglo-Saxons down, but Latin culture is practically half my life and it means everything to have a link to that part of my heritage. I feel like your last name is what represents your heritage, to most people. People are gonna hear that last name and think I don't have Spanish blood. It makes me feel like I don't have Spanish blood. Just telling people that I have Spanish blood isn't good enough. I need a Spanish last name to feel validated. The surname makes me feel ugly and undesirable. When you think of a beautiful, sexy woman, you think of a latina. How many beautiful movie stars are American or have American sounding last names? Exactly. It makes me sick and furious when I see a woman using a Spanish last name she doesn't deserve, just because it's her husband's last name. I have real Spanish blood, I speak perfect Spanish. I worked with a woman like that. She didn't have Spanish ancestry, and her Spanish sucked, but she got to use a beautiful Spanish last name that she didn't deserve because it was her husband's. It makes me so angry to see other women getting priviledges that I don't, just because they're married. It makes me angry that she can use a Spanish last name and I can't. I deserve it more. I feel like I'm being punished for not being married. I have a lot of anger about this, because it is unfair. I worked with a woman like that and it make me sick to see her using a beautiful Spanish last name she didn't deserve. I had angry thoughts, "She doesn't deserve that last name. That should be me." Every time she addresses herself as "Mrs. Castillo," I want so badly to yank her ratty hair and punch her until her teeth fall out.If I were to get married, then I wouldn't take my husband's last name because it would bother me to be someone's "Mrs." I want a last name of my own. I don't wanna share a husband's last name because it would make me feel like his property and less of an individual. Besides, I doubt that I'll ever get married.I wish and wish I had just been born with a beautiful surname, or at least one I was okay with. My dad has done a lot of things to try to make up for having the horrible last name, and I had some nice things and I would feel like a monster if I did something to hurt him. What do I do? I'm so frustrated and lost! I can't hurt my family, and I can't bear to go through life with this horrible name. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (18 February 2010):
Wow - When I first started reading your post I thought wow I wonder what her surname is, then I come to the part where you state its "Williams"... Im sorry to be harsh but your obviously a very judgemental person, even to yourself! Williams is such a common surname and I know alot of people who share that name with you. I have no idea what part of it you find to be "redneck" quality? Its a simple common surname that when people would hear it they wouldnt even think of it as offensive or dismiss you because you think it doesnt sound posh (ever thought that any name can sound posh, its just how you pronounce it? Lopez can sound very plain if said in an undertone). Let me ask you one thing, have you ever been teased about it? You have some serious issue that I think go way beyond just your surname, maybe you need councelling to help you accept the surname you've been born into and you as a person. I think you need to accept yourself for who you are, not what you wish you could be. You cant change the fact that your not Latin and you dont have to be Latin to marry a Latino guy. Also you say you dont want to get married and take his surname because you will feel like his property? You dont have to take his surname, but if you did it wouldnt mean you were his property, it means 2 people who are inlove have come together to celebrate the start of their lives as a whole, you being one half and he the other, both equal in the sanctity of marriage. Seriously love accept what is and forget what is not....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): You ARE shallow.
you say that you love your family?
then you should be PROUD of having their surname.
nobody takes notice of surnames..
aslong as a person is respectfull and polite your surname could be "cowdung!" and no-one cares.
seriously get a life!
sorry to be harsh but it has to be said.
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A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (15 February 2010):
Firstly, its only in high school that people know your surname, after that, no one has a clue, it never comes up and you never have to mention it. Secondly, i was expecting a surname like quazimodo or hitler. Although names may be associated with sterotypes, they dont stick to sterotypes. People marry, change their names, get more money, and before you know it, williams' all over the place, some to be proud of.
Which is more important to you, how you feel about your name, or how others feel about your name. If you are worried about others then dont, everytime ive had something i was self concious about, people would tell me "you shouldnt worry about that , no one even pays attention to that, you should worry about ..." Ive found that no one shares my insecurities, it was freeing that no one cares about the thing i worried about. And i wsnt worried about the thing they disliked so it works out for everyone.
My third piece of advice is to learn to love it. There was a time when i didnt like football, i found it difficult to live in a football obsessed country constantly being bored by news results and conversations over football. Eventually i decided to try to like it to make life easier. It worked, i only watch it and talk about it when im forced to, but now its not so painful. This situation reminds me of people who have unusual fears like a fear of the number 13. Its extremely important to the person but trivial to everyone else, what would you say to someone who feared the number 13?
PS if you are worried about appearing like a foreigner, even if you have a latin name, they wont judge you by that. They judge you by your clothes and your accent, what they can see and hear. Get that right and you will be considered one of the natives.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (15 February 2010):
You can change it for a fee. Do that, although your family maybe not be impressed. Problem solved.
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