A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Listener,Sorry if this is kind of long but i'm in distress.I am in such a dilemma right now and need someone's help. Two weeks ago i celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. My boyfriend has had relationships in his past but he is my first and only boyfriend and it became serious very quickly. Before the start of the new year, my boyfriend told me that he didn't want to start the year off with a lie and admitted to kissing a girl and feeling her up a bit while we were only dating about 1 1/2 months. He saw her on only two occasions and stopped because he realized he didn't want to do it anymore. He also had a female friend who was apparently interested in him and she wanted to hook up with my boyfriend. My BF never responded to her bc he was friends with her but didn't know if maybe he was interested in her too. We were dating about 4 months when she invited him to come out to California ( we're in NY) to visit her and he asked if i would mind if he visited his female friend. (i should mention my bf and these girls are in the airline industry so its not like he spent money to go see her.) Anyway he asked if it was okay and i told him of course it's okay to visit your friend. I was extremely trusting of my bf and never doubted him for a second. When he got there she made a pass at him , but he realized he didn't want her so he came back home early instead. He never told me any of this after it happened. To make a long story short, we fell in love and i even gave him my virginity and believed that i was just so lucky and thought he was it for me. After he told me what had happened though, i couldn't help but feel such anger and saddness. I was so angry that it happened, but even more upset because he kept it a secret for about 8 months and then decided to tell me because it was too hard for him to keep in. He has told me and tells me that he loves me so much and that he wants to marry me and i do believe him. He has always been so wonderful to me, he takes me everywhere, buys me sweet gifts and is very affectionate. He told me he would take it all back if he could because he never wants to hurt me. He also thinks that maybe he did what he did is because his past girlfriends didn't treat him well and cheated on him and he figured that i would turn up like that but he realized how wrong he was.I love him, but i don't know if i should stay with him. We took a tiny break, and i decided to forgive him a couple months ago, but these feelings just keep coming back. I am so unsure, and maybe i would be better off without him. I'm only 22 after all, and i wonder if there is someone out there who will be into me 100 % from the start. I'm so confused and don't know what to do...please help me decide. Thanks
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (15 March 2007):
 I think it's commendable that your boyfriend has been truthful with you. His first and worst encounter was only 1 and a half months into the relationship yet he stopped and didn't let it carry on. As time's went on and your relationship has grown he's had another couple of close shaves but he's still been faithful to you and never slept with anyone else. THAT, along with him being truthful is a good thing. He seems to love you very much and wants to be truthful to you. Remember.... he didn't NEED to tell you this but he wanted things to be right between you with no secrets.
By all means, let him know it hurt you but don't dwell on what happened. He's a red blooded male but at the end of the day he realised that what he has with you is much more important than a silly fling with a floozie! Respect his honesty, let him know you appreciate him telling you this and move on. Don't keep letting it fester as it will only destroy what you have together. No one is perfect in this world and it takes a bigger man to admit to his shortcomings. He could have kept this to himself and you'd never have known but he didn't, he WANTED to be honest with you and risked you breaking up with him in the process.
Hold on to what you have together, you both seem a lovely couple. Use what has happened to help you both bond stronger, make a pact to always be honest with one another in the future and you'll look back on this in years to come as a hurdle you both climbed over successfully!
Eve
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007): I was put in a similar situation about a week ago. From what I understand- your boyfriend came to you on his own and admitted that when you 2 had only been dating for a month and a half felt a girl up and kissed her...Personally, I would forgive him. That is a weird time anyways in any relationship. You are still trying to figure out if you really like someone, if you'd like to be with them in the future, etc. You should look at it as a confirmation that he got that Last Kiss out of his system and came running back to you. And what a sweetheart to lay it all out on the table and come clean on his own. Give the guy a break and realize what you have. Is this kiss that happened however many years ago worth possibly destroying your future marriage??? Obviously this guy adores you :)And as for his skanky friedn that tried to put the moves on him. That should be a situation in which you and he together decide what is acceptable or not. If you want him to never talk to her again , he should respect that. Afterall, her intentions are not as a friend. And once again... He openly told you about this too. Putting the past behind you is very hard. And it only gets tougher the older you get. It will get easier everyday, especially if he is a special to you as you say. Time helps hurt fade. I'm sure your boyfriend will be patient with you while you work through the emotions and finally heal.Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Hi babes,
You sound so lovely and what a lucky man he has to have such a wonderful person in his life who loves him so so much. I know a relationship is built on trust he went over to see his friend who came onto him I don't know if anything happened because you haven't said but if he did its no excuse, but you had only been together 4 months he came back and yes, it took him along time to tell you I know but this is probably when he realised he felt the same way about you(IT TAKES MEN LONGER TO REALISE LOVE BEFORE US WOMEN).
You have given him your one and only self and this hurts I do know, he has told you everything that has happened remember it was early stages of the relationship(no excuses I know) but is it worth throwing it all away when you also state he tells you he loves you, wants to marry you, treats you, spolis you etc.....
You have been together a while now and it seems to me he is trying to prove to you that you can trust him and that he is really sorry, only you can really make that decission babe...
I am glad he realised not all girls are the same but this doesn't help you when you gave him your vaginity, no wonder you was angry but you need to tell him how much he has hurt you and how he betrayed you especially if he realises how important it is to a woman whom they give themselves to it is your private part that you shared because you love him so much....
I am sure he is sorry for what ever has happened but I don't think it is worth throwing away if you truely love him, you can work things out and I wish you all the best babesxxx
Love Donna xxx
PS Let me know how you get on will be thinking of you x
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A
female
reader, Xxxjls1987xxx +, writes (14 March 2007):
I can understand you being upset totally.It might be 8 month overdue but he did eventually tell you the truth. Your right that he wasn't 100% from the beginning but it sounds like he definitely wants to be 100% now. He has obviously got a conscience and not many blokes even have one of them. You will probably find a bloke that will give you 100% from the beginning but is that what you want? Is this relationship worth losing for something that happened 8 month ago? You have to think... would you like to look back and wonder what might have been if you had stayed together? or would you like to give it a go and not have to wonder? Fair enough this relationship might not work, he may do it again? But I think everyone deserves a second chance! Tell this guy the way it has made you feel, and explain to him that if anything like this happens again you would like to know straight away not in 8 months time. Then you will give him the guts to come forward in the future should it happen again, and believe me if he does it again I truly believe you should walk away from the relationship. I think that if he was to cheat on you after you have been together a while you should definitely walk away but you do have to bear in mind that you were only together a couple of months and he had no idea at that time that he was going to fall so in love with you and want to spend the rest of his life with you.Tell him that he has lost your trust and he is going to have to work hard to get it back. I think that only you know the way you feel in your heart so it is only you who can decide what you want to do but please don't make any hasty decisions. I wish you al the best. I hope you get back to me and tell me what you decide to do. If you would like to privately chat let me know. Keep smiling :-) xjls x x
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A
reader, sexylinz +, writes (14 March 2007):
 hey hun.
im sorry to hear about what you have been through but no one can decide what you should do but you. All i can suggest is that you speak to your boyfriend and explain how you are feeling. Maybe he can put your mind at ease. At the end of the day atleast he plucked up the courage to tell you no matter how long he left it. It will take time for him to gain your trust again but in my opinion although you are upset there is still room for you to trust him as he was honest with you. Speak to him explain to him how you feel and get him to help you decide what is best for you both.
good luck hun x
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