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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am engaged to my boyfriend of four years. We decided to get married in no less than a year and up until recently everything has been been ok. We have a good solid relationship but he hates to go out and even walking on the beach he finds boring. I dont know if its that im bored but I started to have a big crush on someone else, which is odd for me since i have not looked at another man for the four years we are together. I cant stop fantasising about this other man who i have known for so long but never really had feelings for. I find myself wondering if I should go ahead with the wedding, i always thought if you are in love you would never want to be with anyones else. Im so sad, I was so looking forward to marrying my fiancee and having kids with him but the last few months even sex makes me bored. I dont know who to ask.. what to do.. i thought I was madly in love
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): i feel the same and have exactly the same issues, i thought i was totaly in love, but a friend advised me this was just a phase, and that feelings 4 my fiance will restore i dony no?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Love is tricky. Your marriage is a breath away and you are obviously having doubts, which is completely natural because anyone in your position would ask themselves “is he or she the one for me”. Forgive my realistic outlook on life, but the harsh reality is that love is equivalent in its definition to work. There is no such thing as “love at first sight”, “and they lived happily ever after”, “happy ending”, and so on and so forth. The truth is that love is a commitment, a promise if you will, one makes to another person for whom they care deeply about and from there on after the two people try as hard as they can to preserve that commitment. Now, that does not mean that you will not get mislead on your journey together by the evil distractions of this world, but by making that promise at the alter you let the other person know that you will try your hardest and overlook these diversions to the best of your ability. Love is not simple. It is complicated and it’s all about the work you put in one side, in order to get the maximum amount of love out on the other end. Love is amazing and your guy sounds like he is also amazing. I hope you can make it work, because the other man is just a temporary threat that is poisoning your path towards happiness. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): It may be a lil late for advice...but anyway. Im not one of those people who like "gray areas" in my relationship. The way I see it is that if you are in love, then that love should distract you from all others. Idealistic- yes I know. But how else is there to live life but as an idealist. Someone replied earlier that love takes work-- and I agree. But when your desire to work for it is distracted by thoughts of another man, that's a serious sign. If your desire to truly make it with your man is gone-- then I hope you don't get married. For me, there's no gray area when it comes to getting married-- either you're all in through thick and thin, or not at all. Doesn't sound like you're all in. Some facts that you may want to consider regarding my advice-- Im not married, never have been, would like to feel the desire to be that much in love one day, but for now am too much in love with being free. Until a man comes along and the chemistry is strong enough to lead me greener pastures, I'm staying put. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Delay you wedding date if you have to until you decide what you want but do not marry someone you are not in love with.
You need to talk to your fiance and work through this.
the thought of a new guy is always going to sounds more interesting as he is novelty to you.
Do not confuse lust with love.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (15 January 2007):
You've only been together for four years and you already find him boring? And the sex is boring? And you're having fantasies about another man. A real guy who actually exists, too - not some fantasy figure.
Hardly a solid foundation to be thinking of building a marriage on, is it. You need to decide if you think your relationship is worth working on or not. If so, then you have to talk about the way you're feeling and look to inject some new life back into it. If not, then you owe it to both of you to confront that fact, however difficult and emotionally trying that will be.
In any event, you certainly shouldn't be going ahead with wedding plans while you feel like this.
And by the way, don't go through life thinking that just because you're in love with someone, you will never develop feelings for anyone else. I'm sorry, but it's not that simple - the human heart is far more complex than that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): relationships take work, being bored doesnt mean you dont love the person anymore it means that you guys need a little bit of a change of lifestyle try and do some new exciting things togeather, maybe somthing fun but aslo somthing that involvs team work which could bring you guys closer togeather, relationships need to grow over time if they dont things go stale.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (14 January 2007):
 I think you're getting cold feet about the commitment of marriage. Do you love him, yes or no? What's your first instinct because whatever that is, is the right answer. Your relationship has moved from exciting and unpredictable in the early stages to more steady and predictable now that you're settling down. Maybe you still love him, you're just not sure if you're ready to settle down in which case you need to talk to him. Hope this helps.
CD
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A
female
reader, ingotblue +, writes (14 January 2007):
 I think you need to communicate, you are moving in to the "comfortable" stage where things are a bit stale and you are taking each other for granted.
Discuss ways to spice up your sex lives, maybe explore fantasies you both have.
Indulge in a little role play and dressing up, try txting him when hes at work(or you are) telling him in great detail what you want to do him or him to you.
I hope this helps
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